What Do I Know About Your Relationship

I'm going to write an in depth review about what kind of relationship you have with your significant other. This is based upon what I've read about you.
If you're not on this list, you're clearly single and always will be.

Chalice and Mrs. Chalice
A living Saint. She watches over the brood with the diligence of a Borg drone and the benevolence of a barren but kindly next door neighbour while chavis gets wopped. In return, Mr. C. brings home the bacon and spends quality time with the offspring for a few hours each night before woptime. This includes pretending to like poetry and pwning the fuck out of the male offspring at COD.

Barbie and Mrs. Barbie
He isn't allowed to do anything ever. Ever.

Mulder and Ms. Mulder
She often gets in the way of the tellybox and, quite frankly, doesn't know her place. Which is in the bedroom priming her back-doors for being smashed in when Vic Mackey has quite finished hitting black people in LA.

Skizo and Mrs. Skizo
lol jk. he doesn't have a gf, obviousement.

Mrs. JPaul and JPaul
A kept man. She made her fortune several years ago but keeps driving forward to keep her man in the style he has become accustomed to. He of the Jimmy-Chu shoes and Renault Clio works as a civil servant part time but it's more of a hobby to keep him from over-onanising while the kids are in school.

Bo and Lilmiss.
A heart-warming story that just goes to show that you don't have to leave your wankpit to find true love. Teh miss is clearly the boss but I think this suits Bo after having being completely dominated by his mam for loike 30 years or w.e.

Cheese and Crabgirl.
Yes, I know that they're both with other people and I know he's just had a kid and all that but he also has a fairly large and prehensile cawk. That's not the sort of thing a girl gives up easily. Expect them to get back together soon :smilie4:

Benchez and Mrs. Ben
I received an intriguing morsel of information from Ben the other day, his missus is now his master and dresses up like a professor in their sex gheymes. It must be a hippy thing - but given she is quite hawt and Ben's batting above his average, he'd probably get into pegging if she suggested it.

Effy and Mrs. Effy.
I really don't know. He hardly ever mentions her. Perhaps he made her up or something ... but they've got a kid. Maybe they're a gay couple like in Modern Family. I'll put monet on Effy being Cameron.

That MegaByteMe guy and his missus.
What's evident with this relationship is that his other half has clearly told him that he can spend unlimited time on the internets provided he mentions that he is the father of 18 month old twins and that one has Down's Syndrome in every single post he makes.
It seems to be working out thus far.

Honourable mention to the ostensibly single Biggles.
Les has obviously got a fair few women on the go :earl:. He is far too debonair to post about this here; but added to that I have it on good authority (A PM from one of his conquests here) that his prowess on Skype is legendary. There aren't too many females who haven't seen Les weave his wizened wand on webcam. A true hero of the internets.



Plz add more relationship evaluations that I've missed out. Idk everyone anymore :mellow:

hoi, you cunt, i'm 24!

also, didn't bother reading the parts that weren't about me yet.

You missed yourself out, like. Are you still keeping a lady with chrome kitchen furnishings and driving her about in a hairdressermobile?

Attachment 91721

Go on..

Wrong. :snooty:

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Originally Posted by manker

That MegaByteMe guy and his missus.
What's evident with this relationship is that his other half has clearly told him that he can spend unlimited time on the internets provided he mentions that he is the father of 18 month old twins and that one has Down's Syndrome in every single post he makes.
It seems to be working out thus far.

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It's good work, if you can get it.* :shifty:


*I'm the father of 20 month old twins and one has Down's. (Added for contractual obligations.)

Does a short, angry Glaswegian infected with madcow count as a relationship or a fetish ? :idunno:

I wasn't even mentioned ... although I am the only true FST-semi-regular member that is in a relationship worth mentioning.

Frequenting ladies for $$$/€€€ isn't what I call a relationship!

I thought mine quite flattering....if I only knew what Skype was I might be able to bluff it.

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Originally Posted by Disme

I wasn't even mentioned ... although I am the only true FST-semi-regular member that is in a relationship worth mentioning.

Frequenting ladies for $$$/€€€ isn't what I call a relationship!

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That's the problem, Disme. Most people just assume you're a member of your house slave closet first, and post here to vent frustrations second. :idunno:

Allow me to add a couple more:

Macky and Jacky:
Fighting currently over why Macky saw it fit to use Jacky's vibrator as a laboratory pipette. Macky insists it was the "quickdry" button that had him sold. Jacky argues that he doesn't like losing to competition.

Oleg and his hand:
Since he isn't typing shit up right now, it's a fair assumption that they're in bed together. Recent argument was held between them over why the rug hasn't been fulfilling her job, and HandEgg gets stuck with the sticky sticky.

Snee and Oleg's other hand:
They were going steady for a bit. Then Snee gone and disappeared. Said he'd call. Didn't. Hasn't even cashed the cheque Oleg gave him.

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Originally Posted by Artemis

Does a short, angry Glaswegian infected with madcow count as a relationship or a fetish ? :idunno:

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Certainly a relationship. If your wife is willing to love you with all your faults, don't question it.

Darth Rings and The Cat: Other than an occasional domestic dispute (as would be expected with an inter-special relationship), it turns out Rings is quite down with O.P.P. . However, the cat's true owner is quite saddened by the loss. While Rings may act as a bit of a brutal lover, it is clear that the Cat has got his tongue.

Keep this up, and I'll have the Mrs. post here a couple of times to refute your felinoid accusation. She's already congratulated Chalice on his sense of wit when I left my browser open one night.

Speaking of which, didn't your Mrs. post here some time before I became active, MBM? Where did she run off to?

Relationships; how overrated. I've always been of the opinion that nobody does you like you do you.

Although, I cannot say with total honesty that I always love myself - sometimes it's purely physical.

Thanks for that, Darthy. I haven't seen you write about someone special irl - but I should really have included you and Oleg.
I'm not sure your feelings are requited but you sure write a lot of stuff about him. Has he friend-zoned you, or is he completely unaware of your wanton advances.

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Originally Posted by Darth Rings

Speaking of which, didn't your Mrs. post here some time before I became active, MBM? Where did she run off to?

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As South Park points out at the beginning of each show: All celebrity voices are impersonated- poorly. :sly: I have, however, quoted her (accurately) from time to time. :)

It didn't really take me 9 minutes to write that, did it :ermm:

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Originally Posted by manker

Benchez and Mrs. Ben
I received an intriguing morsel of information from Ben the other day, his missus is now his master and dresses up like a professor in their sex gheymes. It must be a hippy thing - but given she is quite hawt and Ben's batting above his average, he'd probably get into pegging if she suggested it.

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I can't deny any of that. :smilie4:

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Originally Posted by Something Else

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Originally Posted by manker

Benchez and Mrs. Ben
I received an intriguing morsel of information from Ben the other day, his missus is now his master and dresses up like a professor in their sex gheymes. It must be a hippy thing - but given she is quite hawt and Ben's batting above his average, he'd probably get into pegging if she suggested it.

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I can't deny any of that. :smilie4:

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I've never much liked camping. Tents leak and bleeding earwigs get everywhere.

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Originally Posted by Darth Rings

Macky and Jacky:
Fighting currently over why Macky saw it fit to use Jacky's vibrator as a laboratory pipette. Macky insists it was the "quickdry" button that had him sold. Jacky argues that he doesn't like losing to competition.

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I would refute that and describe the actual misses and her role, but if we're talking romantic relationships, the hand is the breadwinner.
Edit: when it comes to the money shot...

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Originally Posted by JD

me and my robot

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Like Joker & Dicke

I spotted Les for a non-camper right off.

Idol and his bike.

He spotted her across a crowded expo. There she was, glimmering in the half-light amid a throng of overworked thigh muscles. 'She will be mine', he resolved. Her bespoke beauty pedalled blindly towards him.

As quickly as he got her, though, that initial frisson sped off into the night like some phantom penny-farthing pursued by a trick-styling BMX.

They tried removing the seat to re-invoke the primal dynamo of passion but the piles she'd induced cut that rather short.

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Originally Posted by manker

Effy and Mrs. Effy.
I really don't know. He hardly ever mentions her. Perhaps he made her up or something ... but they've got a kid. Maybe they're a gay couple like in Modern Family. I'll put monet on Effy being Cameron.

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:O:lol:

I'm actually married now with another one on the way. The wife conviced me it would take months to get her pregnant again, but i had to hit the jackpot on the first go:angry:

Welcome back Manker have you become an accountant again :unsure::01:

All we need is spiderdude and cheese to come back.

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Originally Posted by chavis

Idol and his bike.

He spotted her across a crowded expo. There she was, glimmering in the half-light amid a throng of overworked thigh muscles. 'She will be mine', he resolved. Her bespoke beauty pedalled blindly towards him.

As quickly as he got her, though, that initial frisson sped off into the night like some phantom penny-farthing pursued by a trick-styling BMX.

They tried removing the seat to re-invoke the primal dynamo of passion but the piles she'd induced cut that rather short.

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Truly a beauty all pristine White , presumably virginal and being Italian possibly Catholic, I named her Silver after the bike in Stephen's King's It .
Sadly though too immature to see the value in true love soon after I dropped her for a bike a little more svelte and decidedly more ostentatious.
Life's a funny thing though and she proved entirely too unforgiving.
Older and more cynical now I just look for anything cheap and fast ,ride them hard and toss them away when they've outlived their usefulness.

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Originally Posted by IdolEyes787

I just look for anything cheap and fast ,hard them hard and toss them away when they've outlived their usefulness.

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That's beautiful, man. :cry:

Hard them hard ? :bag:

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Originally Posted by Artemis

Hard them hard ? :bag:

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My editor's on vacation.:idunno:

Anyway let he who is without sin cast the first store.

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Originally Posted by IdolEyes787

Quote:

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Originally Posted by chavis

Idol and his bike.

He spotted her across a crowded expo. There she was, glimmering in the half-light amid a throng of overworked thigh muscles. 'She will be mine', he resolved. Her bespoke beauty pedalled blindly towards him.

As quickly as he got her, though, that initial frisson sped off into the night like some phantom penny-farthing pursued by a trick-styling BMX.

They tried removing the seat to re-invoke the primal dynamo of passion but the piles she'd induced cut that rather short.

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Truly a beauty all pristine White , presumably virginal and being Italian possibly Catholic, I named her Silver after the bike in Stephen's King's It .
Sadly though too immature to see the value in true love soon after I dropped her for a bike a little more svelte and decidedly more ostentatious.
Life's a funny thing though and she proved entirely too unforgiving.
Older and more cynical now I just look for anything cheap and fast ,ride them hard and toss them away when they've outlived their usefulness.

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Noice.

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Originally Posted by Darth Rings

She's already congratulated Chalice on his sense of wit when I left my browser open one night.

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Links or it didn't happen.

If it did happen, tell her I apologise for whatever I posted afterward. It prolly wasn't very nice.

The English teacher sharing my habitat wonders why there's a small collection of people in here that communicate with semblance of Premier League hooligans. It really bugged her when I explained it was being done with porpoise, herself having to spend an inordinate amount of time undoing the damage that Ebonics has beset upon her students; English her second language.

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Originally Posted by manker

I'm going to write an in depth review about what kind of relationship you have with your significant other. This is based upon what I've read about you.
If you're not on this list, you're clearly single and always will be.

Chalice and Mrs. Chalice
A living Saint. She watches over the brood with the diligence of a Borg drone and the benevolence of a barren but kindly next door neighbour while chavis gets wopped. In return, Mr. C. brings home the bacon and spends quality time with the offspring for a few hours each night before woptime. This includes pretending to like poetry and pwning the fuck out of the male offspring at COD.

Barbie and Mrs. Barbie
He isn't allowed to do anything ever. Ever.

Mulder and Ms. Mulder
She often gets in the way of the tellybox and, quite frankly, doesn't know her place. Which is in the bedroom priming her back-doors for being smashed in when Vic Mackey has quite finished hitting black people in LA.

Skizo and Mrs. Skizo
lol jk. he doesn't have a gf, obviousement.

Mrs. JPaul and JPaul
A kept man. She made her fortune several years ago but keeps driving forward to keep her man in the style he has become accustomed to. He of the Jimmy-Chu shoes and Renault Clio works as a civil servant part time but it's more of a hobby to keep him from over-onanising while the kids are in school.

Bo and Lilmiss.
A heart-warming story that just goes to show that you don't have to leave your wankpit to find true love. Teh miss is clearly the boss but I think this suits Bo after having being completely dominated by his mam for loike 30 years or w.e.

Cheese and Crabgirl.
Yes, I know that they're both with other people and I know he's just had a kid and all that but he also has a fairly large and prehensile cawk. That's not the sort of thing a girl gives up easily. Expect them to get back together soon :smilie4:

Benchez and Mrs. Ben
I received an intriguing morsel of information from Ben the other day, his missus is now his master and dresses up like a professor in their sex gheymes. It must be a hippy thing - but given she is quite hawt and Ben's batting above his average, he'd probably get into pegging if she suggested it.

Effy and Mrs. Effy.
I really don't know. He hardly ever mentions her. Perhaps he made her up or something ... but they've got a kid. Maybe they're a gay couple like in Modern Family. I'll put monet on Effy being Cameron.

That MegaByteMe guy and his missus.
What's evident with this relationship is that his other half has clearly told him that he can spend unlimited time on the internets provided he mentions that he is the father of 18 month old twins and that one has Down's Syndrome in every single post he makes.
It seems to be working out thus far.

Honourable mention to the ostensibly single Biggles.
Les has obviously got a fair few women on the go :earl:. He is far too debonair to post about this here; but added to that I have it on good authority (A PM from one of his conquests here) that his prowess on Skype is legendary. There aren't too many females who haven't seen Les weave his wizened wand on webcam. A true hero of the internets.



Plz add more relationship evaluations that I've missed out. Idk everyone anymore :mellow:

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You mis-spelled 'Jimmy Choo'.

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Originally Posted by Squeamous

You mis-spelled 'Jimmy Choo'.

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How very male of me, and how particularly female of you :happy:

Hai, btw. Did my mention of the collective get your ocular implant twitching.

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Originally Posted by enoughfakefiles

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Originally Posted by manker

Effy and Mrs. Effy.
I really don't know. He hardly ever mentions her. Perhaps he made her up or something ... but they've got a kid. Maybe they're a gay couple like in Modern Family. I'll put monet on Effy being Cameron.

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:O:lol:

I'm actually married now with another one on the way. The wife conviced me it would take months to get her pregnant again, but i had to hit the jackpot on the first go:angry:

Welcome back Manker have you become an accountant again :unsure::01:

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Alright, effy.
I've been an unstinting accountant for like a decade :unsure:

Good news about the extra little person, virility ftw, but are you not allowed to have sex now ever again or something?
Your post kinda read like that :ermm:

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Originally Posted by j2k4

I spotted Les for a non-camper right off.

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Why, hello there. How the devil are you?
I hadn't seen any of your velvet glove/iron hand postings around these parts on my week long reconnaissance; if I had, I would surely have added this to my original post:

Kev and The Clockster
In their twilight years, j2 and clocker decided to move to Miami. Although their relationship is purely platonic, they decided to share a one bedroomed apartment, for convenience, in a rather swanky complex just north of south beach. The set-up was much like Earl and his brother in the first three series. With Kev eager to atone for his baby-eating frenzy of the past few decades, clocker acts as his moral barometer. These days, j2 can be seen assisting elderly democrats with their golf swing and gently cajoling newly arrived wet-backs and single mothers to rail against the tyrannical oppression of western values.
The Clockster sits shirtless in his striped deckchair, smiling with approval as he knits j2's xmas present; a white golf sweater emblazoned with a 'Red Kev' name tag.

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Originally Posted by manker

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Originally Posted by Squeamous

You mis-spelled 'Jimmy Choo'.

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How very male of me, and how particularly female of you :happy:

Hai, btw. Did my mention of the collective get your ocular implant twitching.

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Hai! :happy:

I just like to skulk around quietly judging you all :eyebrows:

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Originally Posted by Squeamous

I just like to skulk around quietly judging you all :eyebrows:

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I know the written form doesn't produce audible stimuli, but in the figurative sense, you are not very quiet.

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Originally Posted by manker

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Originally Posted by j2k4

I spotted Les for a non-camper right off.

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Why, hello there. How the devil are you?
I hadn't seen any of your velvet glove/iron hand postings around these parts on my week long reconnaissance; if I had, I would surely have added this to my original post:

Kev and The Clockster
In their twilight years, j2 and clocker decided to move to Miami. Although their relationship is purely platonic, they decided to share a one bedroomed apartment, for convenience, in a rather swanky complex just north of south beach. The set-up was much like Earl and his brother in the first three series. With Kev eager to atone for his baby-eating frenzy of the past few decades, clocker acts as his moral barometer. These days, j2 can be seen assisting elderly democrats with their golf swing and gently cajoling newly arrived wet-backs and single mothers to rail against the tyrannical oppression of western values.
The Clockster sits shirtless in his striped deckchair, smiling with approval as he knits j2's xmas present; a white golf sweater emblazoned with a 'Red Kev' name tag.

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I had earlier constructed a lovely greeting with a nostalgic riposte and biting retort...don't know what happened to the damn thing, though.

Is there a new button needs pressing or something else.



How are you, my friend?

Today I am once again a new Grandpa.

Little Bentleigh Rose has joined us.

The velvet is new, thanks, and the hand remains clenched against the approaching darkness.















Egad - that was morbid, wunnit?

:)

Ah - just realized I missed my 9th anny, here.

How about that.

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Originally Posted by j2k4

.......and the hand remains clenched against the approaching darkness.



Egad - that was morbid, wunnit?

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No, not morbid, just very Dylan Thomas.

@j2:

1. Congrats on the newest addition!
2. Stay away from the light... (Isn't that what the short woman from Poltergeist suggested? That seemed to work out alright.)
3. Congrats on 9 years!