Every time I see a message pop up from you I know I've received another death threat. You're like a harbinger of bad news. Either leave me in ignorance or at the least soften the edges with some cawk pics :sneaky:
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Every time I see a message pop up from you I know I've received another death threat. You're like a harbinger of bad news. Either leave me in ignorance or at the least soften the edges with some cawk pics :sneaky:
Oh shush. You know I'm only doing because I want to get in your white cotton gym pants.
Get 'em when they're vulnerable, that's what my dad always says.
Tell you what, I'll write my next PM with guyliner on my cawk and PM a pic of that.
...might need a few re-applications and different pics cos i'm not sure how many words I can fit on there. maybe I could make it into a .gif
:eyebrows:
You could fit 'Welcome to Wales, and have a nice day' on there, Shirley.
I managed to get "HI" on the side of mine, but then it shrank. Now it just looks like //. :sadwalk:
Right about now I would be getting ready some fibs about the selection of font and the size of said font if I was you stumpy.... :whistling:Quote:
Originally Posted by megabyteme
Quote:
Originally Posted by ArtemisRight about now I would be getting ready some fibs about the selection of font and the size of said font if I was you stumpy.... :whistling:Quote:
Originally Posted by megabyteme
34 pt Arial BOLD. :shifty:
I once sent a girl an MMS of a pic of my cawk with the sentence 'Suck me, beautiful' written on it.
I then sent the self-same pic to a different girl, my gf at the time, a few months later - which was a school-boy error because instead of getting the expected dirty reciprocation pic, I instead got a text saying; 'ur pubes grew back quick'.
I once punished a boy by ordering him to write 20 times on my cock, "I will not steal Macky's Sharpie". He managed to fill it out 12 times before he ran away on his skateboard. He must have been Asian since he was yellow.
...
...
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I molest cartoon children.
:glag: :earl:
It would probably be better if you simply list what you don't molest, at least the list would be shorter......Quote:
Originally Posted by mjmacky
I think I'll save it for the deposition.Quote:
Originally Posted by Artemis
If I didn't know you better, I'd think that was a joke. :mellow:Quote:
Originally Posted by mjmacky
Sexual exploration with children is no laughing matter. But if you can get them to giggle, it does loosen them up for suggestive persuasion.Quote:
Originally Posted by megabyteme
I just finished Aristotle's Rhetoric, and I believe he would whole-heartedly agree with you. You, sir, have the heart, mind, and sexual proclivities of a great philosopher. :w00t:Quote:
Originally Posted by mjmackySexual exploration with children is no laughing matter. But if you can get them to giggle, it does loosen them up for suggestive persuasion.Quote:
Originally Posted by megabyteme
Well you know what they say about Aristotle, right? The catholic church has been taking cues on ethics from him for centuries.Quote:
Originally Posted by megabytemeI just finished Aristotle's Rhetoric, and I believe he would whole-heartedly agree with you. You, sir, have the heart, mind, and sexual proclivities of a great philosopher. :w00t:Quote:
Originally Posted by mjmacky
Wait, I misworded that. I think that's what they say about catholic churches. So Aristotle and a catholic priest walk into a bar. Aristotle turns to the priest and asks, "where's the boy?" The priest taken back retorts with, "why would you ask such a question?" Aristotle answers, "well it seems to be getting crowded in here".
*joke explanation*
Spoiler: ShowAristotle made a point once that men taking on young boy lovers was a clever way to curb population growth
What the heck, I'm feeling generous enough to throw in, "and the purity of a Catholic Bishop". Could anyone ask for more praise. I'm available to write you a character reference for your resume, if you need one...Quote:
Originally Posted by mjmackyWell you know what they say about Aristotle, right? The catholic church has been taking cues on ethics from him for centuries.Quote:
Originally Posted by megabyteme
:yup:Quote:
Originally Posted by manker
Maybe photoshop the balls out though. They're not usually very attractive on men of your age.
Exactly at what age are scrotes attractive, in your experience? :blink:
Hard to tell, but 10 or 11 yo.Quote:
Originally Posted by Snee
I'm more interested in the story behind how she became an authority on elderly balls.:unsure:Quote:
Originally Posted by Snee
I better clear this up.
I'm usually forced into role-playing a 45 year old moustachioed stalker. It's often the only way Squeams can get off.
She must have remained in character and presumed the same of me :eyebrows:
Quote:
Originally Posted by IdolEyes787I'm more interested in the story behind how she became an authority on elderly balls.:unsure:Quote:
Originally Posted by Snee
:lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by manker
It's a fact men over 30 start to sag in the testicular latitude. Being under 30 is no guarantee they haven't of course, I've seen some proper saggy ones in my time on men as young as late 20s. I haven't got a problem with them aesthetically, it's more they don't really behave all that well during sex. It's just difficult to work with them, you know?
If they stretch long enough, they can slap the clitoris during doggy style.Quote:
Originally Posted by Squeamous
Yeah well just leave them alone.Quote:
Originally Posted by SqueamousQuote:
Originally Posted by IdolEyes787
:lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by manker
It's a fact men over 30 start to sag in the testicular latitude. Being under 30 is no guarantee they haven't of course, I've seen some proper saggy ones in my time on men as young as late 20s. I haven't got a problem with them aesthetically, it's more they don't really behave all that well during sex. It's just difficult to work with them, you know?
Each time an eager to please and, worse, drunken vagina-owner starts messing around with my bawls and doing things like putting one in her mouth, I forget all about sex and start thinking about how I'm on the precipice of extreme hurty pain.
What if she pulls too hard and my vas deferens snaps, what if she bites, what if she accidentally crushes one :fear:
On the plus side it's like psychological delay-spray but I hate every second of it.
My 14 year old came into the house after a shopping expedition a couple of weeks ago. 'Look what I got, dad', he beamed. He'd bought a Reservoir Dogs t-shirt and an oversized CND medallion.
'Have you seen Reservoir Dogs?', I asked.
'Um, nope', was the gormless reply.
Do you know what that medallion symbolises? Do you even know what CND stands for?'
'Um, nope'.
Kids are fucking idiots. You heard it here first.
..
Lulz, amateurs.Quote:
Originally Posted by mjmacky
Please sir, can I have some relevance?Quote:
Originally Posted by chavis
Attachment 99507
Reservoir Dogs inspired anecdote. That's all you're getting.Quote:
Originally Posted by Squeamous
Edit: This should've been in manker's funeral thread. :pinch:
I know, you fuckwit xQuote:
Originally Posted by chavis
On rereading this, the thought occurs that you don't have to get them drunk, you could drug them instead. The plus side of this too, is that with the right amount of a rufy or some such they will lack the muscular control to cause you extreme hurty pain, thus relieving you of the stress and worry over being possibly scarred for life. Just think, you will be able to teabag away with little threat to your bawls, this really is a win win situation. :naughty:Quote:
Originally Posted by manker
Not only could you teabag, you could add some food coloring to the bottom of your sack, and have a stamping party. With some creativity, you could make a christmas tree, a giant prune, the bat signal, a goat, a motorcycle helmet, a drum stick, and many, many more....Quote:
Originally Posted by ArtemisOn rereading this, the thought occurs that you don't have to get them drunk, you could drug them instead. The plus side of this too, is that with the right amount of a rufy or some such they will lack the muscular control to cause you extreme hurty pain, thus relieving you of the stress and worry over being possibly scarred for life. Just think, you will be able to teabag away with little threat to your bawls, this really is a win win situation. :naughty:Quote:
Originally Posted by manker
I could get a bat wing, but I'm having problems with the actual bat signal. Perhaps you can help me out through Skype, guide me through the steps, I'll follow your every instruction with how you want me to manipulate my sack. $4.99/min.Quote:
Originally Posted by megabyteme
I don't have $4.99 per minute. Would you like to manipulate one of my kids for an equal amount of time in trade?Quote:
Originally Posted by mjmackyI could get a bat wing, but I'm having problems with the actual bat signal. Perhaps you can help me out through Skype, guide me through the steps, I'll follow your every instruction with how you want me to manipulate my sack. $4.99/min.Quote:
Originally Posted by megabyteme
I thought we agreed to hold off until they have recognizable genitalia.Quote:
Originally Posted by megabyteme
I don't know about you, personally, but you mention "recognizable". Since we would be distorting said mini-g's into fun, party shapes. "Recognizable is NOT a requirement until the judging of the various competitions begin.Quote:
Originally Posted by mjmackyI thought we agreed to hold off until they have recognizable genitalia.Quote:
Originally Posted by megabyteme
I believe $3.49 per minute is more than fair.
I may be able to use me tongue to tie a knot with a cherry stem, but asking me to do the same with a watermelon seed is a bit daunting. All that aside, you know I would have given you a discount even if you didn't ask, you're ruining the surprise (1 of many).Quote:
Originally Posted by megabytemeI don't know about you, personally, but you mention "recognizable". Since we would be distorting said mini-g's into fun, party shapes. "Recognizable is NOT a requirement until the judging of the various competitions begin.Quote:
Originally Posted by mjmacky
I believe $3.49 per minute is more than fair.
:wub: :w00t:Quote:
Originally Posted by mjmackyI may be able to use me tongue to tie a knot with a cherry stem, but asking me to do the same with a watermelon seed is a bit daunting. All that aside, you know I would have given you a discount even if you didn't ask, you're ruining the surprise (1 of many).Quote:
Originally Posted by megabyteme