Pretending to take a massive dump.

At this precise moment in time I'm curling an imaginary one out, as it were. Sat down on the bowl yet my jeans remain pulled up, browsing on my mobile telephone.

I've come home to visit the family after quitting smoking a few months ago and since then I've become dependent on eCigs.

I've got a pretty nice set-up, a 1000mAh battery, 30ml Tank on top (wickless of course). Anywai, smokings a big no, no here after various cancer related deaths in and around t'family and even though I no longer smoke the eCig would of course raise questions and cause an equal amount of disgust. So I'm reduced to hiding it for the duration of this weekend, fleeing to the toilet when I feel the urge.

The eLiquid in question is cherry scented, due to me not being a real man and also it's fucking delightful. But the problem is it leaves behind a cherry smell.

So the problem is I'm having to excuse myself to go what they'd presume to be number 2, quite frequently. And leave in my trail a cherry scent.

There's further issues in that all this deceit is cutting into my violent masturbation time and so two days becomes an eternity.

Perhaps fake having violent fruit based diarrhea which would allow for some sobbing and shaking which of course is all part of self-abuse?


When did life become so complicated :unsure:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Mr. Mulder

At this precise moment in time I'm curling an imaginary one out, as it were. Sat down on the bowl yet my jeans remain pulled up, browsing on my mobile telephone.

I've come home to visit the family after quitting smoking a few months ago and since then I've become dependent on eCigs.

I've got a pretty nice set-up, a 1000mAh battery, 30ml Tank on top (wickless of course). Anywai, smokings a big no, no here after various cancer related deaths in and around t'family and even though I no longer smoke the eCig would of course raise questions and cause an equal amount of disgust. So I'm reduced to hiding it for the duration of this weekend, fleeing to the toilet when I feel the urge.

The eLiquid in question is cherry scented, due to me not being a real man and also it's fucking delightful. But the problem is it leaves behind a cherry smell.

So the problem is I'm having to excuse myself to go what they'd presume to be number 2, quite frequently. And leave in my trail a cherry scent.

There's further issues in that all this deceit is cutting into my violent masturbation time and so two days becomes an eternity.

Perhaps fake having violent fruit based diarrhea which would allow for some sobbing and shaking which of course is all part of self-abuse?


When did life become so complicated :unsure:

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So, there are really two short term objectives to resolve your present quandary.

1. time is needed for the cherry :ghey: smell to dissolve.

2. More time is required for 'self-meditation'.

I believe both of these goals can easily be achieved by thrashing about wildly every now and then while in the bog, and screaming very loudly 'for christ sake get me the garden hose!'. This in theory should ensure that no one goes near the detonation area for a very long time after you have left, and also, in the caring way that family's are, make sure that you are left to your own devices for as long as you need.
















See! Simple but brilliant!

























*You can thank me later. :yup:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Mr. Mulder

At this precise moment in time I'm curling an imaginary one out, as it were. Sat down on the bowl yet my jeans remain pulled up, browsing on my mobile telephone.

I've come home to visit the family after quitting smoking a few months ago and since then I've become dependent on eCigs.

I've got a pretty nice set-up, a 1000mAh battery, 30ml Tank on top (wickless of course). Anywai, smokings a big no, no here after various cancer related deaths in and around t'family and even though I no longer smoke the eCig would of course raise questions and cause an equal amount of disgust. So I'm reduced to hiding it for the duration of this weekend, fleeing to the toilet when I feel the urge.

The eLiquid in question is cherry scented, due to me not being a real man and also it's fucking delightful. But the problem is it leaves behind a cherry smell.

So the problem is I'm having to excuse myself to go what they'd presume to be number 2, quite frequently. And leave in my trail a cherry scent.

There's further issues in that all this deceit is cutting into my violent masturbation time and so two days becomes an eternity.

Perhaps fake having violent fruit based diarrhea which would allow for some sobbing and shaking which of course is all part of self-abuse?


When did life become so complicated :unsure:

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So, in short, you are trying to lose your cherry.

Leave a couple Maraschinos floating in the bowl each time.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by TheFoX

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Mr. Mulder

At this precise moment in time I'm curling an imaginary one out, as it were. Sat down on the bowl yet my jeans remain pulled up, browsing on my mobile telephone.

I've come home to visit the family after quitting smoking a few months ago and since then I've become dependent on eCigs.

I've got a pretty nice set-up, a 1000mAh battery, 30ml Tank on top (wickless of course). Anywai, smokings a big no, no here after various cancer related deaths in and around t'family and even though I no longer smoke the eCig would of course raise questions and cause an equal amount of disgust. So I'm reduced to hiding it for the duration of this weekend, fleeing to the toilet when I feel the urge.

The eLiquid in question is cherry scented, due to me not being a real man and also it's fucking delightful. But the problem is it leaves behind a cherry smell.

So the problem is I'm having to excuse myself to go what they'd presume to be number 2, quite frequently. And leave in my trail a cherry scent.

There's further issues in that all this deceit is cutting into my violent masturbation time and so two days becomes an eternity.

Perhaps fake having violent fruit based diarrhea which would allow for some sobbing and shaking which of course is all part of self-abuse?


When did life become so complicated :unsure:

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So, in short, you are trying to lose your cherry.

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It's not uncommon to lose it with your own parents here in the midlands :smilie4:

So it seems i should sleep with my parents, clean my self off then throw fruit into the toilet, screaming for a garden hose. Thanks internets, as always you have shown me the way :eyebrows:

We're here for you, man.

I must admit I've had my doubts, like the time we all decided to wrap our heads in toilet paper but this seems pretty solid. Solid like a number 2 :eyebrows:

Have ewe tried using a shite scented one instead, like. :unsure:

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Originally Posted by Something Else

Have ewe tried using a shite scented one instead, like. :unsure:

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Attachment 147117

I blow smoke in my dads face.

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Originally Posted by ziggyjuarez

I blow smoke in my dads face.

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Like you've met your dad.

If I did, i wouldn't be scared to.

Ha ha... I honestly think that a shite smelling cig would be better than the scent of a real one but of course not better than a cherry one... this is of course not the aim of the game of a shite smelling cig would of course mask the facts and not cause suspicion... I think you could be onto a winner with that one...

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Mr. Mulder

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Something Else

Have ewe tried using a shite scented one instead, like. :unsure:

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Attachment 147117

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lulz :D

If a shit smelling one is the answer then don't forget the listerine. That breath would be awful. And the looks you'd get as well. I think stick with the cherry smell. Lesser of 2 evils.

I don't see how putting floor cleaner in your mouth would help.

http://www.cracked.com/funny-8228-listerine/

Well if he has gonorrhoea as well, perfect solution. This can only be a win win situation. Does your sig guy have gonorrhoea?

Guybrush Threepwood. Depends which options you choose.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Something Else

Guybrush Threepwood. Depends which options you choose.

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He definitely had aids because of all the monkeys

:lol:

I thought he was trying to give it back to them.

I heard that it was Threepwood who gave the monkeys aids in the first place. Aids is like nylon. Man made.