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Enema: Friend or Foe?
Prologue
Long time no poopsies. Concern grew. Must be constipated. Must be impacted. Flight in 5 days. Need to address now.
Today
I've been drinking lots of fluids, but I keep needing to eat, and I'm pissing like I'm on diuretics. Now, I've never had an enema in my life, but given the number of days and mass of food I must have consumed during these times of colonial protest, down that road I decided to go.
I've read up a little on what I need to do, so now the first step is to get an enema kit. I can speak Japanese to store clerks, but I can't understand a single thing said back to me, so I decided to bring some visual aids. Not able to get a good perspective photo of my anus, I instead loaded a picture of an enema kit on my phone and the kanji for the product, 浣腸 (kan·chou).
Drug Store #1
I scoured every aisle, and I found absolutely no kits. I expected this since ages ago Murphy informed me that I'm a favorite, hence the preparation. So, of course it was a female clerk I'd be asking. I said "kanchou kitto ga arimasuka?" and showed her the picture. She paused to think, but then immediate called over another female clerk who was stocking goods. The first clerk asked the second clerk aloud if she knows that they carry them. During the back and forth, they made certain to repeat the word kanchou several times, which must have been for my benefit to let me know they weren't discussing anything else.
Oh, great. This is turning into a thing. I expected this too, and I started off into a daydream that they were going to call over another female clerk despite the male one standing nearby. This girl was gifted, for in that drug store, there was yet another young, female clerk in earshot of this medium's beckoning. She called her over, but they didn't quite close the gap between them. So, she proceeded to ask the third clerk much louder. Now, everyone in the store is privy to my hunt for treasure. Back off, it's my booty!
This continued on for another 20 or so seconds, where kanchou was repeated many more times. After all this exhibition, they had not what I sought. I left, not embarrassed, but disappointed in having paranoia vindicated and an extended quest initiated.
Drug Store #2
Searched. No loot found. Quietly asked older male clerk, and he let me know they don't have them. The interaction was much more discreet.
Drug Store #3
Again, none. Stores are starting to close and the automated option seems to be a no go this night, so I picked up some tools for doing things manually: gloves and some baby oil.
Back Home
I prepared the bathroom space and shower. I was prepared to get messy if things went that far. I actually had no problems getting my lubed index finger up there. However, I wasn't really hitting anything. I disposed the glove and gave it a go, but nada. I must be impacted further inside. I broke out the second glove, and this time I was going to use my middle finger to reach deeper from a different angle. Still feeling nothing, but I did try pushing all over to see if I could get some peristalsis going. I disposed of this glove and gave it another go, still nada. I lifted the toilet seat and went full acrobat on the ceramic rim to see if a more natural squatting pose could get things going. Five minutes later...
Still nothing. Fuck
After the Fingering
I went online and ordered a glycerin solution and enema tubing/bulb kit with a rushed delivery from Amazon.co.jp. I will pick up from my local convenience store (my preferred way of receiving packages) tomorrow evening. However, browsing the results having searched for both enema and 浣腸, I started to get the feeling that these clerks all thought I was a pervert rather than someone seeking a health remedy.
to be continued
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Re: Enema: Friend or Foe?
Glycerin suppository should soften anything impacted in less than an hour enough to let you poop if it's truly just hard stool.
Btw if you don't have this overwhelming physical feeling of discomfort then you're probably not constipated.
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Re: Enema: Friend or Foe?
Do you get PMs at the moment?
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Re: Enema: Friend or Foe?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
IdolEyes787
Glycerin suppository should soften anything impacted in less than an hour enough to let you poop if it's truly just hard stool.
Btw if you don't have this overwhelming physical feeling of discomfort then you're probably not constipated.
Very odd types of discomfort, but it's been more psychologically overwhelming than physically overwhelming.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
IdolEyes787
Do you get PMs at the moment?
I could have taken me weeks to notice, so the tip was appropriate.
but it's my first time
so
just the tip, OK?
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Re: Enema: Friend or Foe?
Is this fecking mumsnet.
Any person who sticks fingers up his ham flower before taking an oral laxative is a big ghey.
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Re: Enema: Friend or Foe?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
mjmacky
prologue
long time no poopsies. Concern grew. Must be constipated. Must be impacted. Flight in 5 days. Need to address now.
Today
i've been drinking lots of fluids, but i keep needing to eat, and i'm pissing like i'm on diuretics. Now, i've never had an enema in my life, but given the number of days and mass of food i must have consumed during these times of colonial protest, down that road i decided to go.
I've read up a little on what i need to do, so now the first step is to get an enema kit. I can speak japanese to store clerks, but i can't understand a single thing said back to me, so i decided to bring some visual aids. Not able to get a good perspective photo of my anus, i instead loaded a picture of an enema kit on my phone and the kanji for the product, 浣腸 (kan·chou).
Drug store #1
i scoured every aisle, and i found absolutely no kits. I expected this since ages ago murphy informed me that i'm a favorite, hence the preparation. So, of course it was a female clerk i'd be asking. I said "kanchou kitto ga arimasuka?" and showed her the picture. She paused to think, but then immediate called over another female clerk who was stocking goods. The first clerk asked the second clerk aloud if she knows that they carry them. During the back and forth, they made certain to repeat the word kanchou several times, which must have been for my benefit to let me know they weren't discussing anything else.
Oh, great. This is turning into a thing. I expected this too, and i started off into a daydream that they were going to call over another female clerk despite the male one standing nearby. This girl was gifted, for in that drug store, there was yet another young, female clerk in earshot of this medium's beckoning. She called her over, but they didn't quite close the gap between them. So, she proceeded to ask the third clerk much louder. Now, everyone in the store is privy to my hunt for treasure. Back off, it's my booty!
This continued on for another 20 or so seconds, where kanchou was repeated many more times. After all this exhibition, they had not what i sought. I left, not embarrassed, but disappointed in having paranoia vindicated and an extended quest initiated.
Drug store #2
searched. No loot found. Quietly asked older male clerk, and he let me know they don't have them. The interaction was much more discreet.
Drug store #3
again, none. Stores are starting to close and the automated option seems to be a no go this night, so i picked up some tools for doing things manually: Gloves and some baby oil.
Back home
i prepared the bathroom space and shower. I was prepared to get messy if things went that far. I actually had no problems getting my lubed index finger up there. However, i wasn't really hitting anything. I disposed the glove and gave it a go, but nada. I must be impacted further inside. I broke out the second glove, and this time i was going to use my middle finger to reach deeper from a different angle. Still feeling nothing, but i did try pushing all over to see if i could get some peristalsis going. I disposed of this glove and gave it another go, still nada. I lifted the toilet seat and went full acrobat on the ceramic rim to see if a more natural squatting pose could get things going. Five minutes later...
Still nothing. Fuck
after the fingering
i went online and ordered a glycerin solution and enema tubing/bulb kit with a rushed delivery from amazon.co.jp. I will pick up from my local convenience store (my preferred way of receiving packages) tomorrow evening. However, browsing the results having searched for both enema and 浣腸, i started to get the feeling that these clerks all thought i was a pervert rather than someone seeking a health remedy.
To be continued
tl;dr
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Quote:
Originally Posted by
Barbarossa
tl;dr
At this point, wouldn't im;dr be more appropriate?
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Quote:
Originally Posted by
manker
Is this fecking mumsnet.
Any person who sticks fingers up his ham flower before taking an oral laxative is a big ghey.
I avoid ingesting OTCs and prescriptions alike until I can at least do some light research on them, especially after that time I had been accidentally taking an antidepressant for a month.
My short white list includes bismuth subsalicylate and naproxen. I'd be willing to add a laxative if I could figure out what the fuck is written on any of the boxes.
I mean, you pick up a package, of anything, and the entire thing is covered in writing. You don't even know where to start because the formatting is no fucking help.
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Re: Enema: Friend or Foe?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
mjmacky
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Barbarossa
tl;dr
At this point, wouldn't im;dr be more appropriate?
I usually operate under the tB;dr rule.:)
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Re: Enema: Friend or Foe?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
IdolEyes787
Quote:
Originally Posted by
mjmacky
At this point, wouldn't im;dr be more appropriate?
I usually operate under the tB;dr rule.:)
mine was:
it's mary; didn't read
Now that I've showed you mine, show me yours
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Re: Enema: Friend or Foe?
Macky.... If you really are speaking the truth and you are having problems going #2??
And you do have some medical insurance/plan there, go see a doctor just in case:yup: It really can't hurt...
Everything myself and Idol suggested could be just band-aids to the problem, and i hope it really is just something minor and not serious:D, especially if you have fear of eating properly or the way you want too..
Again you shouldn't have to go every second (like i said i felt like a camel when it came to going #1 yet i was consuming a lot of liquids), but it can be dangerous to keep all that poison in your body, and maybe the Dr. has a better suggestion ??
Good luck my friend, and i wish you nothing but health and happiness:D
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Re: Enema: Friend or Foe?
Reminder for returning dabblers in grammar
Spoiler:
Show
If you think you have found a grammatical error in a short post by me that appears to warrant correction, reread the statement to determine if it may have been intentional. If the read alone doesn't reveal anything, try sounding it out in your head or aloud, and try once more in your best American accent.
tl;dr
Mary is so far past perfect that Mary shouldn't be questioned.
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Re: Enema: Friend or Foe?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
shaina
And you do have some medical insurance/plan there, go see a doctor
Do I come off as someone who would have medical insurance?
Actually, I was insured for a total of 13 years under coverage I selected (we'll only look at two 6-year stints), but I opted out during the open enrollment period (renewal) at my first industry job because I was going to transition to grad school, and 45 days after the loss of coverage I was admitted to the ER for v-tach with arrhythmia, was kept in the ICU for 5 days, and then placed in a regular room for 2 days, which was finally followed by some outpatient procedures. It was a massive fucking bill laid at my feet. Fuck the details of how I settled those debts. I insured myself again in grad school, and after 6 years (the last 2 years were free) I rejected a TA appointment which also disqualified my free coverage, I had to be admitted for an appendectomy 60 days later. I joined the employee health plan for the first six months at my current job, but upon the renewal I thought, "why the fuck am I doing this?" and opted out.
So, let's just round things and say I was uninsured 200 days out of a 4500-day period, and the only two times I had to visit a doctor during that 4500-day period are those two big ticket items during the relatively small windows. The most useless $20k I've spent is on health insurance because I can't seem to time the fucking transitions properly. I'm not paying a single fucking private healthcare insurance bill again. I still get upset thinking about it. My last girlfriend and I fought over me being uninsured during the last year prior my assertion to leave Florida.
The ACA (Obamacare) actually addressed one of my biggest complaints (preexisting conditions), but all the rest were untouched. The cost of treatment is opaque and artificially inflated, enrollment period restrictions, too many variations regarding out-of-pocket costs that make deciding between dozens or hundreds of provider's a fruitless endeavor, profit-driven, premiums still too expensive and even more expensive in some cases after the ACA, fucking networks, fucking motherfucking networks.
It'd be a riot if whatever is going on with me now somehow resulted in a sudden death because I mismanaged it. For small things I might visit a clinic, but otherwise I'm extremely adverse to seeking medical attention. I never had a chance to really enjoy the benefits of coverage and being treated in a hospital without panicking every conscious minute with how I'm supposed to pay for all this. It's to the point that if I ever go back, and they present treatment options, I'd only respond with a question, "Do I have to pay if you just let me die?"
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Re: Enema: Friend or Foe?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
mjmacky
Quote:
Originally Posted by
IdolEyes787
I usually operate under the tB;dr rule.:)
mine was:
it's mary; didn't read
Now that I've showed you mine, show me yours
Too British; didn't read. :)
Before anyone takes offense, I went to a doctor and he said I can't be blamed for the things I say because the CT scan found that my mouth isn't properly connected to my brain.:(
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Quote:
Originally Posted by
IdolEyes787
Quote:
Originally Posted by
mjmacky
mine was:
it's mary; didn't read
Now that I've showed you mine, show me yours
Too British; didn't read. :)
Before anyone takes offense, I went to a doctor and he said I can't be blamed for the things I say because the CT scan found that my mouth isn't properly connected to my brain.:(
In that case, there's also tW;cr
Too Welsh; can't read
which is abbreviated in Welsh as tW;tmlpwtr
Too Welsh; too many letters per word to read
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Re: Enema: Friend or Foe?
I should probably attach an asterisk to it because in Ben's case it could also mean too bohemian; didn't read.:unsure:
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Re: Enema: Friend or Foe?
Mary, considering you're in Japan, try to have a little bit of fun. Have you considered inviting someone to help enema your butt? Have you tried shooting it up with caffeine in the mornings? Have you tried asking someone if there's an enema tube designed like tentacles?
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Re: Enema: Friend or Foe?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
mjmacky
Now that I've showed you mine, show me yours
That's the spirit! Cum to the Dark Side. :D
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Re: Enema: Friend or Foe?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
mjmacky
Do I come off as someone who would have medical insurance?
Spoiler:
Show
Actually, I was insured for a total of 13 years under coverage I selected (we'll only look at two 6-year stints), but I opted out during the open enrollment period (renewal) at my first industry job because I was going to transition to grad school, and 45 days after the loss of coverage I was admitted to the ER for v-tach with arrhythmia, was kept in the ICU for 5 days, and then placed in a regular room for 2 days, which was finally followed by some outpatient procedures. It was a massive fucking bill laid at my feet. Fuck the details of how I settled those debts. I insured myself again in grad school, and after 6 years (the last 2 years were free) I rejected a TA appointment which also disqualified my free coverage, I had to be admitted for an appendectomy 60 days later. I joined the employee health plan for the first six months at my current job, but upon the renewal I thought, "why the fuck am I doing this?" and opted out.
So, let's just round things and say I was uninsured 200 days out of a 4500-day period, and the only two times I had to visit a doctor during that 4500-day period are those two big ticket items during the relatively small windows. The most useless $20k I've spent is on health insurance because I can't seem to time the fucking transitions properly. I'm not paying a single fucking private healthcare insurance bill again. I still get upset thinking about it. My last girlfriend and I fought over me being uninsured during the last year prior my assertion to leave Florida.
The ACA (Obamacare) actually addressed one of my biggest complaints (preexisting conditions), but all the rest were untouched. The cost of treatment is opaque and artificially inflated, enrollment period restrictions, too many variations regarding out-of-pocket costs that make deciding between dozens or hundreds of provider's a fruitless endeavor, profit-driven, premiums still too expensive and even more expensive in some cases after the ACA, fucking networks, fucking motherfucking networks.
It'd be a riot if whatever is going on with me now somehow resulted in a sudden death because I mismanaged it. For small things I might visit a clinic, but otherwise I'm extremely adverse to seeking medical attention. I never had a chance to really enjoy the benefits of coverage and being treated in a hospital without panicking every conscious minute with how I'm supposed to pay for all this. It's to the point that if I ever go back, and they present treatment options, I'd only respond with a question, "Do I have to pay if you just let me die?"
If I didn't somewhat like tolerate your existence, the above would be kinda funny. But i have suffered under the same Industry shit- just been fortunate with the exception of 6 years of excruciating back pain that I could not afford to get treatment for.
I am much better, but now that I do 'get' to pay over $230 per month for insurance, my condition is better and my new doctor won't bother with any covered tests- seems inclined to have me do all kinds of shit that isn't covered, though. *cough* asshole *cough*
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Re: Enema: Friend or Foe?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
mjmacky
Do I come off as someone who would have medical insurance?
It'd be a riot if whatever is going on with me now somehow resulted in a sudden death because I mismanaged it. For small things I might visit a clinic, but otherwise I'm extremely adverse to seeking medical attention. I never had a chance to really enjoy the benefits of coverage and being treated in a hospital without panicking every conscious minute with how I'm supposed to pay for all this. It's to the point that if I ever go back, and they present treatment options, I'd only respond with a question, "Do I have to pay if you just let me die?"
Well... Being honest Macky...
In Canada we do have free health care, but there are things you are charged for now (semi 2 tier) , and prescriptions drugs are not cheap if you don't have a drug plan....Plus when i travel to the US i buy insurance (actually from CAA, would be your AAA auto insurance), it is really not that expensive(I see a lot of EGG ROLLS in there doing the same thing when they travel), and i guess because i am not on any life threatening medication, and also my age, and it is good for the year...The coverage is really good as well.
And i don't wish anyone bad (well...mostly :whistling), so you saying sudden death/die because you don't really have yourself checked out?? if this has been going on for a long period of time and it is not correcting itself, is not good....Get Checked Out!!!
Regards
Shay
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Re: Enema: Friend or Foe?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
IdolEyes787
Before anyone takes offense, I went to a doctor and he said I can't be blamed for the things I say because the CT scan found that my mouth isn't properly connected to my brain.:(
And being free in Canada, it took you a year and a half to get the scan and four months to get the results:lol:
That was a very long time people you had to suffer ;)
PS. And whatever they tried to correct the problem is still not working:P
But it is fine with me
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Re: Enema: Friend or Foe?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
mjmacky
Quote:
Originally Posted by
manker
Is this fecking mumsnet.
Any person who sticks fingers up his ham flower before taking an oral laxative is a big ghey.
I avoid ingesting OTCs and prescriptions alike until I can at least do some light research on them, especially after that time I had been accidentally taking an antidepressant for a month.
My short white list includes bismuth subsalicylate and naproxen. I'd be willing to add a laxative if I could figure out what the fuck is written on any of the boxes.
I mean, you pick up a package, of anything, and the entire thing is covered in writing. You don't even know where to start because the formatting is no fucking help.
You've were talking about moving to Japan 4 years ago, did it at no point since then occur that a fey parlance in the local dialect might be of use at some point.
Anyway, no matter.
Google have introduced this fantastic new application, I'm happy to tell you that it could well help you in this case and many others. It's really rather popular.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v3...lipboard02.jpg
Save it, it's all yours my friend :)
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Re: Enema: Friend or Foe?
He's in Japan.
Mary,
Go to the cheapest, least clean sushi joint you can find. Doubtful you will be able to hold in the anal volcano that will follow while cycling back to your apartment.
Have a truly shitty day,
Meg
P.S. As an American providing this emergency medical service, I am required by law to charge you $2789547890. This number was created by mashing my fingers on the number row. That is how it is done here.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by
manker
You've were talking about moving to Japan 4 years ago, did it at no point since then occur that a fey parlance in the local dialect might be of use at some point.
I was too busy talking about going to Japan to have time to study Japanese. Actually, I had put off attempts to study it until I was certain I'd be able to go. I crammed the phonetic alphabets, some grammar, and some words and phrases the months leading to my departure. Despite that, I pretty much landed with a blank slate because learning without implementation is fleeting.
After getting here, I was enthused at the ability for the Google translate app to be able to translate Japanese audio input and even pictures of all the Kanji. In practice though, it's way too cumbersome to rely on because you'd spend like over an hour in the store just taking pictures trying to find out which bento boxes have icky stuff. You'd have to experience it to truly understand how impractical it becomes. Compound that with limited free time. It's still great for small stuff though. I've taken the buy-by-sight and go-with-the-flow approaches to speed things along.
I learn at home and go out to practice, and even though I can speak, read, and write some, I completely shut down when I'm getting replies and followups at full speed or when I'm hammered with too much text. I also work really slow when I can't smoke while reading and writing, so that's been causing an issue. It's been a little discouraging, but I'm looking forward to quitting my American job to get a work visa and any job over here so that I can escape the state of limbo with respect to how long I can stay here.
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There's also a couple of issues with that translation
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Re: Enema: Friend or Foe?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
manker
Something like this makes more sense
http://i.imgur.com/svCkrTx.png
All moot though because I really don't want to start taking laxatives. I have enough problems with my GI tract as it is, so I refuse to consider welcoming other complications. I'd even give the ol' dildo another whirl before considering that, no homo.
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Re: Enema: Friend or Foe?
You're very American in your wanton over-complication of a simple health issue.
The tone in this thread is almost celebratory.
Still, no pics - and for that I can be grateful.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by
manker
You're very American in your wanton over-complication of a simple health issue.
The tone in this thread is almost celebratory.
Still, no pics - and for that I can be grateful.
I overcomplicate much more than that. It's pretty much my raison d'etre.
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You're just rediscovering things you had previously known. This is what your absence has wrought.
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Re: Enema: Friend or Foe?
:lol: This is true, I'd better level up.
Recommence your frantic finger frottage.
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Re: Enema: Friend or Foe?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
mjmacky
There's also a couple of issues with that translation
Now when I think about you in Japan I basically see this.:mellow:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gSXEhsySylk
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Verdict in
Enema friend
However, I feel like I failed in my responsibilities and left someone abandoned climbing halfway up a rock somewhere.
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Re: Enema: Friend or Foe?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
mjmacky
Verdict in
Enema friend
However, I feel like I failed in my responsibilities and left someone abandoned climbing halfway up a rock somewhere.
:huh: :O :huh:
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Quote:
Originally Posted by
shaina
Quote:
Originally Posted by
mjmacky
Verdict in
Enema friend
However, I feel like I failed in my responsibilities and left someone abandoned climbing halfway up a rock somewhere.
:huh: :O :huh:
Rock climbers use rope.
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Re: Enema: Friend or Foe?
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Re: Enema: Friend or Foe?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
shaina
Photoshop doing a fine job there
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Re: Enema: Friend or Foe?
