Eeeekkkk!

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12-02-2003, 01:07 AM
Lilmiss

My two best mates came around about 8ish, while y b/f was here.
I had a fight with the b/f on Sat and ended up in tears, he was pretty evil and said some horrid things.
Anyways, my mates came over and basically threatened my b/f saying he better treat me right, or else.....http://hometown.aol.co.uk/Lynne1977uk/punch.gif

I threw them both out quite angrily, there was so much male aggression flying about I felt insignificant to what was happening.
I see why they said what they did, but they have made things worse.
Im soooooo angry with all parties at the moment, im watching "sexie - Eddie Izzard", and not laughing. :unsure:

The question is, do you and your g/f, b/f's mates hate each other, and how do you deal with it?
Because, I cant see what else I can do to make them get on. :(
12-02-2003, 01:16 AM
JONNO_CELEBS

Awwww lilmiss *hugs*

You not gonna force someone to like someone else, the only thing you can do is request they just be peaceful :)

You playing piggy in the middle, not nice I know but there's little you can do apart from just ask them as your friends and M as your b/f to call a truce and be civil when they meet :)

(((((((((((((((((((((lilmiss))))))))))))))))))

Jonno B)
12-02-2003, 01:16 AM
SniperInTheShadows

I'd put your foot down if I were you, make them all sit and listen to you and explaine thing's to them that it sound's like they perhap's need to hear.

Tell your BF that they're your friend's and they care about you, and that he need's to accept that and that they only did whatthey did because they care.

Tell your friend's that he's your BF and you love him and that even though you appreciate what they did in trying to help that they didn't go about it the right way (from how it sound's) and that they should have tried to help you by talking to you privately so you could get their opinion's or something instead of what they did.

They should, hopefully at least, all understand each sides view but mostly understand your feeling's!

I can't promise that would work, but I hope perhap's ther's something in there that might help you :)

Sniper.
12-02-2003, 01:29 AM
Lilmiss

awwwwwww...tanks you guys. :'(

But ive tried everything with them.....they just detest each other.
Ive tried playing peace maker too many times, im fed up of it.....but can see it turning ugly already.
12-02-2003, 01:35 AM
bigboab

Try your best to cheer up Limiss :rolleyes: I know that you are in an awkward position. For what it is worth, why not try and all get together in a public place for a meal or a drink or something for two or three hours. That way, I hope that they would behave in a civilized manner, and, maybe, eventually get on with each other. It is only a suggestion. Anyway as I said earlier you cheer up. :)
12-02-2003, 01:37 AM
SniperInTheShadows

I hope to God that my connection stay's stable again long enough to post this :)

Ok, this is ment both as an attempt to cheer you up and make you laugh, and also a serious (yet risky) attempt at getting thing's sorted, but go with the first reason when reading it plz :)

Why not bake a cake full of grass, sit them all down and make them eat it, then whilst they're stoned get them all to sign a peace treaty with some clauses in it (of your choice) and then when they misbehave again bring out the treaty and threaten them with the clauses!? :)

Ok, won't be helpfull at all really with the sorting it, but hopefully it'll give you a laugh lilmiss :)

Sniper.
12-02-2003, 01:40 AM
hobbes

Male friends have no problem hanging out with female friends and their boyfriends if the bf is "cool" (treating you right). But we can see right through the bullshit because we know how other men think. We can spot the abusive relationship and the emotionally torn female in a heartbeat.

I think your friends see smoke and are trying to drag you kicking and screaming from a fire you cannot perceive.

The only real bit of information lacking here is whether your male friends are true friends or are "suitors waiting in the wings". Each looking to be the hero and rescue from your current bf, in hopes that you will finally show him the attention which he has been desiring for so long.

Tips: If your friends are always picking on all your boyfriends, even if you have made no complaint about him (like a fight which made you cry). If you explain to them that your boyfriend is nice and treats you well and they keep looking to hen-pecking, they might have ulterior motives.

When Harry Meet Sally is a rather accurate film. Men do not have female friends that they do not find attractive.
12-02-2003, 01:55 AM
Lilmiss

My frieds get on with men who let me treat them like dirt.
the guy im with is a drunken, stoney, ungrateful bitch, who doesnt treat me right or give me affection.
they cant deal with the fact im being treated like this, and want to help, and having 2 of my 3 best mates being male it brings a lot of tension.

But they just make it worse, and im sure they are trying to break up what I have. :(

maybe a good thing. :unsure:
12-02-2003, 02:05 AM
JONNO_CELEBS

Hey, you may not mean that :unsure:

But you know you got friends when you need them :)

Hobbes.....Yup, again you and me agree.......some of us are over protective..sometimes justfied, sometimes not.......but when it comes to someone I care about I'm afraid it's hard to hold my tounge sometimes, one of my many faults, but I'm human :)

Jonno B)
12-02-2003, 02:17 AM
Lilmiss

hmmmm.....well im off to to sleep on everything, not sure who im talking to at the moment. :huh:
"he's" in a drunken stupor on the sofa (for a change. :rolleyes: :unsure: )

/drags cat into hall and yells "bye byes" to ya all.
tanks y'all. ;)

http://hometown.aol.co.uk/Lynne1977uk/bawling.gif
12-02-2003, 02:20 AM
JONNO_CELEBS

lilmiss>>http://hometown.aol.co.uk/Cjcooljonno/hug.gif<<Jonno

Night lilmiss, hope you sleep well, please try to smile thru it :)

Jonno B)
12-02-2003, 02:47 AM
AussieSheila

:unsure: :( Lilmiss.... it doesn't sound to me like your boyfriend is worth the trouble babe. If he treats you badly now, it won't get any better. Maybe your friends are doing you a big favour. Your not likely really to have met the love of your life at your age. Get out and look around, you're gorgeous, you don't deserve to be treated badly.

:( When it comes to mates and boyfriends, in my experience, and only my experience, they will probably not ever get along, and you'll find yourself sharing one group of friends, with your original friends on the outer edge. I married extremely young and although we tried to merge the 2 groups of friends it never really worked and it was my husband's friends who dominated. I still had my girlfriends, but wasn't part of the day to day group anymore.

;) BTW, I still have the same girlfriends (& male friends) but the husband is long gone. :) My husband took his friends with him and now I move on the outer circle of THAT group. :blink:

:( It's all very confusing, but it all works out in the end. IMO, I would be saying ditch the boyfriend, hang on to your buddies.

B)

edit: UKMan says Hi and snuggles and kisses and he hopes you feel better, and lose the boyfriend!

:lol: :lol:
12-02-2003, 03:43 AM
JONNO_CELEBS

Quote:

Originally posted by AussieSheila@2 December 2003 - 02:47
you're gorgeous, you don't deserve to be treated badly.

*claps very loudly*

:)

Jonno B)
12-02-2003, 04:15 AM
UKMan

Quote:

Originally posted by AussieSheila@2 December 2003 - 03:47
:unsure: :( Lilmiss.... it doesn't sound to me like your boyfriend is worth the trouble babe. If he treats you badly now, it won't get any better. Maybe your friends are doing you a big favour. Your not likely really to have met the love of your life at your age. Get out and look around, you're gorgeous, you don't deserve to be treated badly.

:( When it comes to mates and boyfriends, in my experience, and only my experience, they will probably not ever get along, and you'll find yourself sharing one group of friends, with your original friends on the outer edge. I married extremely young and although we tried to merge the 2 groups of friends it never really worked and it was my husband's friends who dominated. I still had my girlfriends, but wasn't part of the day to day group anymore.

;) BTW, I still have the same girlfriends (& male friends) but the husband is long gone. :) My husband took his friends with him and now I move on the outer circle of THAT group. :blink:

:( It's all very confusing, but it all works out in the end. IMO, I would be saying ditch the boyfriend, hang on to your buddies.

B)

edit: UKMan says Hi and snuggles and kisses and he hopes you feel better, and lose the boyfriend!

:lol: :lol:

I certainly did too ;)

Andie turned over and asked me straight out:
"do you think she should lose the bf?" - so i said, "you tell her that and she'll wanna come over here and join us."

Then Andie said "well, can she?"

So i said "why not, we aint jealous are we?" :lol:

Then we went back to sleep ;)

Peace
UKMan
12-02-2003, 04:43 AM
AussieSheila

:ph34r: :ph34r: :ph34r:

I think this thread was called:

EEEEKKKK!!

http://www.chinkii.com/uploads/album/misc/eekout.gif
12-02-2003, 05:33 AM
Evil Gemini

I would start by getting an axe....
12-02-2003, 05:42 AM
j2k4

Quote:

Originally posted by lilmiss@1 December 2003 - 21:55

But they just make it worse, and im sure they are trying to break up what I have.  :( [/color]

maybe a good thing.  :unsure:

lilmiss-

It sounds like what you have is nothing.

You're a doll-

Go find yer a good guy.

I remember after leaving my ex, making mental lists of the quirks or behaviors in a woman that I could abide, all the while sorting through a shit-load of worthless wenches.

I became so disgusted at the prospects that I decided I'd only accept perfection, and after about 2 years of blissful bachelorhood, I found her.

We've been together six years, and married for the past three.

I thank my lucky stars. :)

Every day. ;)
12-02-2003, 06:06 AM
Honey

Quote:

Originally posted by lilmiss@2 December 2003 - 09:55
My frieds get on with men who let me treat them like dirt.
the guy im with is a drunken, stoney, ungrateful bitch, who doesnt treat me right or give me affection.
they cant deal with the fact im being treated like this, and want to help, and having 2 of my 3 best mates being male it brings a lot of tension.

But they just make it worse, and im sure they are trying to break up what I have. :(

maybe a good thing. :unsure:

lilmiss... for what its worth...

if this guy is treating you like this now... there's 99.9% chance that he always will.. unfortunately we fall into the trap of thinking we can change them, but it doesnt happen, if anything the behaviours only get worse coz we empower them to keep doing it... :(

your friends are only tryin to support you, they can obviously see things really clearly and want to help you, don't shut them out coz you may just need them one day to help pick up the pieces...

comes down to choices, what means the most to you, though if it was my choice, i'd choose the friends... good guys do come along eventually, you just have to be patient... but good friends really are hard to find... :)
12-02-2003, 01:47 PM
JONNO_CELEBS

@Andie and Honey.......Please please please don't take this the wrong way cos you know I luvs ya's :)

I don't think it's our place to tell lilmiss to leave her b/f, I think all we should do is offer her support, it's not right to tell people what to do, if she needs to leave him then it should be 100% her desicion.....so can we please not be saying these things? :unsure:

Sorry if I'm wrong, just my opinion :)

Jonno B)
12-02-2003, 01:53 PM
Skweeky

I've been in the same position....And my friends were right in the end...
12-02-2003, 01:54 PM
Honey

Quote:

Originally posted by JONNO_CELEBS@2 December 2003 - 21:47
@Andie and Honey.......Please please please don't take this the wrong way cos you know I luvs ya's :)

I don't think it's our place to tell lilmiss to leave her b/f, I think all we should do is offer her support, it's not right to tell people what to do, if she needs to leave him then it should be 100% her desicion.....so can we please not be saying these things? :unsure:

Sorry if I'm wrong, just my opinion :)

Jonno B)

Jonno babe :) ... luv you too... but not once did i tell lilmiss to leave her b/f... just said what I would do... :huh:

Quote:

comes down to choices, what means the most to you

i cant see anything wrong with that... my choices are mine... her choices are hers...

nuff said... :)
12-02-2003, 01:57 PM
JONNO_CELEBS

Sowweehttp://hometown.aol.co.uk/Cjcooljonno/flowers.gif

Just seems in a round about type of way thats what you're all saying, probably just me reading it wrong..........I am a bloke :rolleyes:

Jonno B)
12-02-2003, 01:58 PM
ang3968

I can see your point Jonno.....

but....(aint there always a but) :rolleyes:

Quote:

the guy im with is a drunken, stoney, ungrateful bitch, who doesnt treat me right or give me affection.

it's hard not to say leave him if this is the way she feels.... she can and should do better....

from what I have read of her posts she is a lovely, fun, outgoing, sweet angel with a devil sitting there on her shoulder to have fun with so why put up with that???

then again... I can say some pretty yucky things when I get cranky with the ones I love the most...and not always mean it.... :o
it's called a woman's prerogative ;)
12-02-2003, 02:00 PM
Rat Faced

Quote:

Originally posted by hobbes@2 December 2003 - 01:40
Male friends have no problem hanging out with female friends and their boyfriends if the bf is "cool" (treating you right). But we can see right through the bullshit because we know how other men think. We can spot the abusive relationship and the emotionally torn female in a heartbeat.

I think your friends see smoke and are trying to drag you kicking and screaming from a fire you cannot perceive.

The only real bit of information lacking here is whether your male friends are true friends or are "suitors waiting in the wings". Each looking to be the hero and rescue from your current bf, in hopes that you will finally show him the attention which he has been desiring for so long.

Tips: If your friends are always picking on all your boyfriends, even if you have made no complaint about him (like a fight which made you cry). If you explain to them that your boyfriend is nice and treats you well and they keep looking to hen-pecking, they might have ulterior motives.

When Harry Meet Sally is a rather accurate film. Men do not have female friends that they do not find attractive.

I agree with everything except the end sentence..

I have lots of female friends, some are attractive and some arent.

lillmiss, it may not seem like it now....but your lucky to have friends that care enough that they will leave their comfort zone without even being asked, in order to try and help you.

They may be wrong in some peoples eyes, but they obviously care.
12-02-2003, 02:04 PM
Honey

ack Jonno... nuthin to be sorry for... :)

but unfortunately oil and water dont mix... and maybe decisions have to be made if she's unhappy with what she has now.. :unsure:

i dunno.. coz its not me.. just an opinion... :)

hi ang too.. *hugs* :)
12-02-2003, 03:06 PM
SniperInTheShadows

Hi Ozbabe Honey :wub: :) :* Hope your having a great day :) :* *hugz*

Hi everyone :) Hope your all having a great day too :) *hugz to the ladies ;) *

Hi lilmiss :) *hugz*

Reading what everyones said, they've all made alot of good point's, and i'm not sure if this is the right thing to do but here goes -

As a few peep's here know, i've recently split up from my ex after going through two year's of hell (I was with her for four years but the first two were the most amazing time of my life).

She treated me like absolute shit, treated me as if I didn't exist and wasn't important, and made me feel like I was literaly (plz no spelling correction there Skweeky lol ;) :P) going crazy by telling me one thing and then changing what she said and then making out that I was imagining thing's and that's when she actually !did! talk to me :.(

I spent about 75% of my time with her waiting and waiting for her to talk to me only to recieve single word replies to thing's I shared with her most of the time, but when I was busy or couldn't think clearly and I took more than a minute or two to reply to her she got in a shit and would treat me even worse (funny given i'd be waiting 10 to 30 minutes for a reply sometimes, even over 60 minutes on a few occasions).

She would blame me for not talking about thing's i'd actually been talking with her about, subject's i'd bring up such as marriage and having children but she only ever brought them up when she was having a go at me for not bringing them up :.(

She promised me alot of thing's, mainly, and I lost track of how many times she did this, that she would be coming to visit only for something to suddenly come up and ending up not visiting :.( I tried so many times to get the money together to visit her but i'm on a very low income and every penny is accounted for and I could never get even close to being able to afford to, and last year she said she'd pay for travel costs (I arranged to borrow some money long-term from my mother for spends that i'd need) and then when i'd arranged to borrow a little cash she turned around and said I was unable to visit (was supposed to be a Christmas visit which made this worse) and now she say's that !I! never even tried to visit her :.(

Shit, this is longer than i'd planned, soz :(

Basically, even though i've been through hell emotionally since the split I know it was the right thing to do for !ME! and that i'm going to be ok even though I don't know how long it will be until I do get over it.

I believe that you need to think about what !YOU! want and how thing's are affecting you as they stand, and decide wether what your going through is worth it or not, and know that !if! you do decide to end thing's with him then it will most likely be very difficult for a while but that in the end it will possibly be better for you emotionally and physically (being a wreck emotionally does take it's toll on the body).

Do what you believe in your heart is the right thing for yourself, and know that there are others that have been through hard times similair to what your going through and that those peep's will be there to help you through the difficult times if you want them to be there :)

I've decided, after along time of hurting. that I want to start enjoying life again soon, and to find someone closer to home that I can love and be loved by, but i've also decided that the first thing I want to do is lose my damned virginity as if I don't soon then i'm going to become a Monk or just chop the damn thing off LOL ;) :)

*comfort hugz*
Sniper. (Is very soz for the very long and boring post :) )
12-02-2003, 03:22 PM
AussieSheila

Quote:

Originally posted by JONNO_CELEBS@2 December 2003 - 23:47
@Andie and Honey.......Please please please don't take this the wrong way cos you know I luvs ya's :)

I don't think it's our place to tell lilmiss to leave her b/f, I think all we should do is offer her support, it's not right to tell people what to do, if she needs to leave him then it should be 100% her desicion.....so can we please not be saying these things? :unsure:

Sorry if I'm wrong, just my opinion :)

Jonno B)

Yeah, you can say that Jonno. But we were asked for our opinions, based on quite a bit of experience. Lilmiss will use the advice she's been given as she sees fit. It strikes me she has a brain. So no offence meant and none taken, but I will give her the advice I would give my own daughter. ;)
12-02-2003, 03:30 PM
hobbes

Quote:

Originally posted by Ozbabe@2 December 2003 - 07:06
lilmiss... for what its worth...

if this guy is treating you like this now...  there's 99.9% chance that he always will..  unfortunately we fall into the trap of thinking we can change them, but it doesnt happen, if anything the behaviours only get worse coz we empower them to keep doing it...  :(

This post contains a nugget of wisdom that many women would do well to learn.

I have been the bad guy before. Not abusive, but just rather selfish. The relationship was run by my convenience. Why? Because I didn't real care about her. If she wanted to breakup I would just say "whatever".

She chose me because she thought I was "cute", I used her for the convenient sex and she kept believing I would change, I never did. The more I kept her at arms length, the more she struggled to possess me. I finally told her to get on with her life and she immediately got into another emotionally disasterous relationship.

We must all decide how we need to be treated by our partners, and sure we will get in arguments from time to time, but if the general theme is neglect or abuse, we must walk away. Some people lack the self confidence to do this, some women feel inadequate if they don't have a bf.

Learn to be emotionally self sufficient, and then you can view relationships as a life enhancement and not a necessity.

Whatever you do, don't make any emotional decisions while under the influence of drugs and alcohol, I think you made the best choice by sleeping on it.
12-02-2003, 03:42 PM
j2k4

Quote:

Originally posted by hobbes@2 December 2003 - 11:30
Learn to be emotionally self sufficient, and then you can view relationships as a life enhancement and not a necessity.

This is what it comes down to.

Well and succinctly put, Hobbes. ;)
12-02-2003, 03:58 PM
AussieSheila

:o Hobbes is cute?????? Yeah??????

B) How YOU doin'

:lol: :lol: :lol:
12-02-2003, 04:17 PM
Billy_Dean

Quote:

..the guy im with is a drunken, stoney, ungrateful bitch, who doesnt treat me right or give me affection.

If this is true, ask yourself why you are with him. As a general comment, reading those words, I'd say the writer had a self esteem problem.

If I were one of your friends I would have handled things differently, I would have taken him to one side and explained a few things to him. I would not have done it in front of you unless I saw him hit you.

@ Jonno: You don't start a thread like this if you don't want advice, and the obvious advice is to leave him. No-one needs to be in an abusive relationship. But I get the feeling you know the guy?

:)
12-02-2003, 04:55 PM
j2k4

Quote:

Originally posted by Billy_Dean@2 December 2003 - 12:17
  But I get the feeling you know the guy?

:)

Everyone has known that guy, Billy.

It's a shame. ;)
12-02-2003, 06:12 PM
lynx

In any relationship, you've got to put number 1 first.

That may sound a little selfish at first, but I don't mean to imply that you've got to put the other person down. Looking out for yourself without caring about the other person is not a relationship.

The whole point of being in a relationship is to be happy, and that means both of you. Sometimes you make yourself happy by being nice to the other person, but again that's looking out for yourself even though you are making the other person happy at the same time.

If you are happy being treated like a doormat then lie down and wait to be walked over. If you feel that's how you are being treated and you don't like it, then it's time you did the something about it.

I suspect your friends see you in the prone position and are trying to stop you being trampled, but in the end you are the only one who can make the choice.

But I notice you use the terms friends and b/f. Isn't that supposed to be boyfriend? The fact that you don't use the word speaks volumes.
12-02-2003, 06:28 PM
RGX

Im sorry to hear about this lilmiss, I really am, but it seems to me (and i hope you dont find this offensive) that your boyfriend doesnt deserve you, he cant treat you like that all the time and get away with it....you really do deserve better

I have a feeling your friends have been around longer than the b/f? If so, I doubt they would be putting up warning signs for no reason or just to piss you off :confused:

Whatever happens, i hope you get the treatment you deserve :)