Printable View
i'm no racist but i find it hard to trust sharks. they never honour their debts. they gossip behind your back. they walk off when you ask em to mind your bike while you go into the shop, and they other day i'm sure one stole some property off me on monopoly when i went for a piss :dry:
sharks > communists??? :ohmy:
A rich millionaire decides to throw a massive party for his 50th birthday, so during this party he grabs the microphone and he announces to his guests that down in the garden of his mansion he has a swimming pool with two great white sharks in it. 'I will give anything they desire of mine, to the man who swims across that pool.'
So the party continues with no events in the pool, until suddenly, there is a great splash and all the guests of the
party run to the pool to see what has happened.
In the pool is a man and he is swimming as hard as he can, and the fins come out of the water and the jaws are snapping and this guy just keeps on going and the sharks are gaining on him and this guy reaches the end and he gets out of the pool, tired and soaked.
The millionaire grabs the microphone and says, 'I am a man of my word, anything of mine I will give, my Ferraris, my house, absolutely anything, for you are the bravest man I have ever seen. So sir what will it be?' the millionaire asks.
The guy grabs the microphone and says, 'Why don't we start with the name of the bastard that pushed me in!'
oh that's just fkn great lol :lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by vidcc
One day two brothers, Jack & John decide to go out diving for seafood.
They quickly manage to fill up a sack of seafood so Jack decides to take it back to shore & grab another sack to fill.
John is out at sea all by himself when he see's a shark coming towards him.
Frantically he calls out to his brothr Jack who is still at shore, "Bro Help me Help me there is a shark heading straight for me."
Jack calls back "Yeah Im coming bro"
John is freaking out, the shark swims right up to him & bites off his leg.
Again he is calling out to Jack who is still at the shoreline "Bro come and help me, the sharks bitten off one of my legs.
Jack yells back "yeah hold on Im coming!!"
John tries to stay calm and wait for his brother but then the shark bites off one of his arms.
He yells back to his brother Jack "Hurry!! Come and help me the shark has bitten off my arm and my leg."
Jack calls back "Hold on Im coming!!!"
Then the shark bites off his other leg, John yells "Jack you have to come & save me. The shark has bitten off both my legs and an arm."
And as usual Jack replies. "Just wait Im coming"
The shark then bites off Johns other arm.
Now John has no arms or legs.
His brother finally arrives to save him.
Come on bro, get on my back & I will swim you back to shore.
When they get to the shoreline Jack says with an exhausted sigh "I feel fucked"
And John replies "Well I had to hold on some how!!!"
both those jokes :lol: :lol:
:lol:
Girlfriend is a bit mental. She got pissed that I had linked to her website in this manner without her permission. She asked me to take it off, I agreed.
Being the belligerent bar-steward that I am I just ad-blocked it instead so it doesn't show up on my computer.
Liked the second joke. :lol:
Disingenuous bar steward.Quote:
Originally Posted by MCHeshPants420
Quote:
Originally Posted by JPaul
Dammit. We won't be doing 12 letter words until next year on my course. :(
Made you count the letters in "belligerent". Maybe.
Doubled PosteryQuote:
Originally Posted by MCHeshPants420
NopeQuote:
Originally Posted by MCHeshPants420
Well I did after I read the bit about you maybe making me. So, yes I suppose.
Flippin heck that shark site was interesting,didn't know people found sharks that engrossing enjoyed teh read
Two prawns are best freind and swimming around in the sea.
One is called Justin, the other Christian.
It's pretty boring being a prawn, so they were swimming around, disscussing what it would be like to be a shark.
"I'd love to be a shark." said Christian.
"Yeah, me to." said Justin. "It'd be a lot of fun."
"Anyway, I've got to go " said Christian. "See you".
So Justin is swimming home, still wondering what it would be like to be a shark, when he comes across a cod.
"So you want to be a shark?" Said the cod.
"Yeah" said Justin "Howd you know that?"
"I am a magic cod and if you wish it, I can make you a shark."
Justin though about it, and decided to go ahead with it.
The next day Justin wakes up and discovers he is a shark.
He decides to go tell all of his friends but when he gets to all of them, they run away. "No No!! Go away!!!" The they all said, even Christian.
So Justin is now swimming around, depressed that he hasn't got any friends when he comes across cod again. "Change me back" he said in desperation. "Alright" says the cod.
So the next day Justin wakes up and finds he is a prawn again.
He is so exited he goes to tell his friends.
"No! Go away Justin, you'll eat me!" says Christian
"No, you don't understand!" says Justin
"I've changed, I found cod, I'm a prawn again Christian!"http://www.nigelhumour.co.uk/coats1.gif