sunday school

While they were taking up the collection, John leaned forward and said, "Hey, Marie, how about you and me go to dinner next Friday?"
"Why Yes, John, that would be nice," said Marie.

Well, John couldn't believe his luck. All week long he polished up his car, and on Friday he picked up Marie and took her to dinner, the finest restaurant in Raleigh. When they sat down, John looked over at Marie said, "Hey, Marie, would you like a cocktail before dinner?"

"Oh, no, John, "said Marie. "What would I tell my Sunday School class?"

Well, John was setback a bit, so he didn't say much until after dinner. Then he reached in his pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. "Hey, Marie," said John, "Would you like a smoke?"

"Oh, no, John," said Marie. "What would I tell my Sunday School class?"

Well, John was feeling pretty low after that, so he just got in his car and was driving Marie home when they passed the Holiday Inn. He'd struck out twice already, so he figured he had nothing to lose.

"Hey, Marie," said John, "how would you like to stop at this motel with me?"

"Sure, John, that would be nice," said Marie.

Well, John couldn't believe his luck. He did a U-turn right then and there across the median and everything, and drove back to the motel and checked in with Marie.

The next morning John got up first. He looked at Marie lying there in the bed.

"What have I done? What have I done?" thought John.

He shook Marie and she woke up. "Marie, I've got to ask you one thing, said John. "What are you going to tell your Sunday School class?"

Marie said, "The same thing I always tell them.... You don't have to smoke and drink to have a good time."

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A man comes home from work one day and he says to his wife: "Honey, I got a new secretary. And imagine what happened! She's got a red and white bra. You know, these are the colors of my favorite football team. Anyway, it's not a big deal but it feels good."
The next day when they come home his wife asks, "How was your day?"

The man says: "Fantastic! It's not only her bra that is red and white but also her panties. You know it's not a big deal but it really feels good!"

The third day they meet at home after work and now the man asks his wife, "And what happened today in your office, honey?"

She says, "Oh, nothing special, sweetheart. I got a new boss today. His dick is two inches longer than yours. You know it's not a big deal but, hell, it feels good!"
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Bounty: The quicker picker upper.

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M&M condom: 'It melts in your mouth, not in your hands!'

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A big Texan cowboy stopped at a local restaurant following a day of drinking and roaming around in Mexico. While sipping his tequila, He noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table.
Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, "What is that you just served?" The waiter replied, "Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are bull's testicles from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!"

The cowboy, though momentarily daunted, said, "What the heck, I'm on vacation down here! Bring me an order!"

The waiter replied, "I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early tomorrow and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy"!

The next morning, the cowboy returned, placed his order, and then that evening he was served the one and only special delicacy of the day.

After a few bites, and inspecting the contents of his platter, he called to the waiter and said, "These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday!"

The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Si, Senor. Sometimes the bull wins."

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Q: What's an Australian kiss?
A: It's the same as a French kiss, but only "down under."

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One day a little rabbit was running through the forest. He came up to a Giraffe about to Smoke a joint.

The little rabbit said, "Dear Giraffe, why do you do this?, It's so bad for your health, why don't you come running with me through the forest and you'll feel so much better!”

The Giraffe looks at the joint tosses it and goes running through the forest..

Next, the little rabbit and giraffe run up to a Rhino that’s about to do a line, The little rabbit looks at him and says, "Dear Rhino, why do you do this?. It's so bad for your health, why don't you com running with me, and the giraffe through the forest and you'll feel so much better.”

The Rhino looks at the straw then the line, and takes off with the little rabbit, and the giraffe.

Then, they run up to a Lion about the shoot up, the little rabbit looks at the Lion and says, "Dear Lion, why do you do this..." and before he could finish the Lion starts beating the shit out of the little rabbit!

As the Giraffe and the Rhino watch in horror, they ask,"Why are you doing this?". The Lion answers, "Every time that little fucker is tripping on ecstasy he always wants me to go running with him through the fucking forest!!!! “