Christmas party memo

Christmas Party

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: 4th November

RE: Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place
on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the
Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks!
We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...please feel free to
sing along.

And don't be surprised if the Managing Director shows up dressed as Santa
Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM.

Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no
gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's
pockets.

This gathering is only for employees! The Managing Director will make a
special announcement at the Party.
Merry Christmas to you and your Family.

Pauline
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: 5th November

RE: Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.
We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides
with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on
we're calling it our 'Holiday Party'.. The same policy applies to any
other employees who are not Christians. There will be no Christmas tree or
Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your
enjoyment.

Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family,

Pauline.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FROM; Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: 6th November

RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
requesting a non-drinking table...you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to
accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA
Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore!!!! How am I supposed to handle
this? Somebody?

Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange allowed now since the
Union Officials feel that $10.00 is too much money and Management believe
$10.00 is a little cheap.

NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

Pauline.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: 7th November

RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the
Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during
daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a
luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees'
beliefs, perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until
the end of the party - or else package everything up for you to take home
in a little foil doggy bag. Will that work?

Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest
from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to
the toilets, Gays are allowed to sit with each other, Lesbians do not have
to sit with gay men, each will have their own table.

Yes, there will be flower arrangements for the gay men's table, too.

To the person asking permission to cross dress - no cross dressing
allowed.

We will have booster seats for short people. Low fat food will be
available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the
food. We suggest those people with high blood pressure taste the food
first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant
cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!

Did I miss anything?!?!?!?!?!

Pauline.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F****** Employees

DATE: 8 November

RE: The ******** Holiday Party.

Vegetarians, I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this
party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit
quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death", as you so
quaintly put it. You'll get your f****** salad bar, including organic
tomatoes, but you know tomatoes have feeling, too. They scream when you
slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!!

Hope you all have a rotten holiday * drink, drive, and die!

The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

FROM: John Bishop - Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: 9th November

RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline Lewis a speedy recovery,
and I'll continue to forward your cards to her.

In the meantime, Management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and
instead, give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd December off with full
pay.