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I am working on a movie, but I would like some ideas for the storyline. This first post is updated when new ideas are added.
Here is the general idea of the movie, I have the beginning, and the end, but I am trying to figuare out the middle. That's where you guys come in.
comments in { } represent what the watcher is supposed to be thinking.
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Part 1
The Date is Dec. 31.
During the opening credits, there are shots of a house that has been obviously broken into. The television is on, you can hear that it is just minutes before the New Years countdown. You also hear a struggle going on, and then a gunshot.
There is a close up of the TV. The countdown begins. 10, 9, 8.... Happy 2004 New Years. You see the killer. He is staring at the TV with a look of panic and confusion as he stares at the TV, and then at the gun.
{Who is the man with the gun, why did he kill the other man, why does he look so confused and scared afterwards?)
Part 2
The Date is Sept 24.
The Killer wakes up in the hospital. The doctor comes in and asks him "do you know where you are?", "Do you know how you got here?", "Do you know your name?" The Killer doesn't remember anything, the doctor explains that on Jan 1st he went into a Coma. The killer has amnesia and it could come back anytime, until then the will refer to him as John (John Doe). The doctor tells John to get some rest, and he check back in a little bit.
{Why is he in a Coma, the doctor didn't say)
When John awakes, there is a man in the bed next to him. He introduces himself as Tom. Tom is a slimy looking guy, the type of guy that would get you into trouble. John tries to ignore his new roommate and watch some television. A dectective comes in and begins questioning John. He doesn't believe that John has amnesia, and explains that he knows John has something to do with a murder and is being watched like a Hawk, so he better not try anything stupid. When the detective leaves, Tom offers to help. He has connections and can find out what is going on, John ignores him and goes back to sleep. When he awakes, Tom is gone. The next day Tom returns. He tells John that he has got to get sneak out of the hospital that night. There are people out to kill John, and if he doesn't leave tonight, he won't be waking up in the morning. He warns John not to go to the police because they are in on this too, John can't trust anyone.
That night John escapes and meets Tom at a rundown motel.
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Part 3
This is where you guys come in. What happens in the middle of the film is that Tom gets John all hyped up about this phony conspiracy, while at the same time starts slipping drugs into Johns food that make him worked up and angry. Tom then begins sending John to places, where John usually ends up killing people. The stories that Tom tells are obviously lies to the viewer, but not to John, he believes it all.
I need help with the conspiracy
{Who is this Tom guy, and why is he lying to John}
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Part 4
The Date is Dec, 31.
Tom leads John to a house where all of John's questions will be answered. John breaks into the house and begins violently questioning the owner of the house. The TV is on, it is minutes before the New Years countdown. The owner denies knowing anything and reaches into a desk and pulls a gun on John, John fires first killing the man. The countdown starts 10, 9, 8.... Happy 2004 New Years. Suddenly John remembers everything, his name, his parents, but most importantly killing this same man one year prior on the 2004 New Year.
{Holy Shit...this is the murder at the beginning of the movie.}
The screen turns black with the text:
Dec 31, 2004
364 days prior
Show John in the exact same position, but he runs out and kicks Tom out of the car and drives off, only to get hit by a semi on the way onto the highway. Then the screen turns black again with the text:
Dec 31, 2004
364 days prior
John is back in the position in front of the television, This time he runs out of the house and doesn't get into the car and continues down the road. Tom comes by and runs him down with the car. The screen turns black with the text:
Dec 31, 2004
364 days prior
John runs out side an pulls Tom out of the car but Tom and has a gun and shoots him in the chest.
Dec 31, 2004
364 days prior
John is running through the forest. The detective is waiting for him, and shoots him.
Dec 31, 2004
364 days prior
John sitting in a tree hiding. The tree branch breaks, he falls down hitting his head on branch below him.
Dec 31, 2004
364 days prior
John is back in the position in front of the television. Before he can even turn around to run, the man John shot, isn't dead and shoots John, and then fully dies.
Dec 31, 2004
Present day
John runs out to the car where Tom is waiting, and they drive off. John is hysterical. John drives into a forested area and stops the car. He is screaming at Tom, wanting answers. Tom takes out a saringe (SP? needle, shot, you get the piont). Tom tells John to take this and everything will be fine. The detective walks out from amidst the trees with his gun pulled. He is demanding for them to exit the car slowly. John continues to yell at Tom, demanding answers. Tom continues yelling back telling John to take the drug. The detective continues yelling at them both to get out of the car. Finally John injects the drugs into his arm. As he does Tom, and the Detective just fade away. John is, and always was alone as he slips into a coma. (only to live this all again)
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Well, what do you guys think? Any good, Any Ideas for the the conspiracy could be. I am thinking that there might be a file that contains John's past. Perhaps It will have something to do with chemical testing. This would allow people to interpret the movie many ways. Perhaps John's subcontious knows these tests were really done on him, and so that is why it comes up in his delusions.
Well, I gotta go, I'd love to hear some ideas, and feedback. Be as specific, or as Vague as you want.
I promise, If I use your ideas you will get credit for it.
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Howdy, I realyy think that you have an interesting idea for a story/movie, however, there are two things that I would consider if I were you. First, I personally didn't like the little "Groundhogs Day" twist towards the end, (you know, reliving the whole incident over and over again.) I think that it would be great if you could have "John" finding his memory as he was about to kill someone under simular circumstances before he lost his identity, but I don't think that you should use the exact same victim...IMO, that seems just a bit hokey and there are too many movies already doing that.
Second, this is not really a suggestion for you to change anything; rather it is something that I think you would benefit from going into with your story, (and maybe then your middle part will write itself.) Why does Tom need people to die, and why is "John" the person he picks to do his bidding? I'm an old-school horror-movie fan, so I always tend to cop out with demons, but I think that in this case maybe it would be better if it turned out that Tom didn't exsist at all. Maybe Tom could be a figment of John's imagination that wakes when he is using drugs, and when Tom appears, John convinces himself that it was this Tom character who must have been spiking his food/drinks/or whatever. You could easilly do something like Fight Club did and not let the viewer/reader know that Tom is ficticious until near the end.
I hope that helps you. I also hope that you didn't take offense to my suggestions and criticism as I think that you have a good idea going on.
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No offense, I love the input.
First of all, Tom and the Detective are just figments of John's imagination, they disappear right as John is slipping into the coma. So the second half of your post is pretty much exactly what I meant. :D
But as for the first part, the idea behind the movie was that the beginning murder would be the exact same murder as the final murder, yet still strictly going forward on a time line....if that makes anysense.
Imagine if circumstances lead your next year's New Years party to be an EXACT duplicate of last years party. Word for word, step for step, second for second. Yet you never jumped backwards in time, it just sorta looped itself around. If you kept your memory during the transition, then you would realize what was going on and would change it, stopping the loop. But if you lost your memory, you would do the exact same things over and over again.
While explaining this I found a flaw in the concept. When John remembers that he has done all this before, he would know how to change it, he wouldn't take the drug. This gave me an idea.
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A couple seconds after he remembers everything, the screen turns black with the text:
Dec 31, 2004
364 days prior
Show John in the exact same position, but he runs out and kicks Tom out of the car and drives off, only to get hit by a semi on the way onto the highway. Then the screen turns black again with the text:
Dec 31, 2004
364 days prior
John is back in the position in front of the television, This time he runs out of the house and doesn't get into the car and continues down the road. Tom comes by and runs him down with the car. The screen turns black with the text:
Dec 31, 2004
364 days prior
John runs out side an pulls Tom out of the car but Tom and has a gun and shoots him in the chest.
Dec 31, 2004
364 days prior
John is running through the forest. The detective is waiting for him, and shoots him.
Dec 31, 2004
364 days prior
John sitting in a tree hiding. The tree branch breaks, he falls down hitting his head on branch below him.
Dec 31, 2004
364 days prior
John is back in the position in front of the television. Before he can even turn around to run, the man John shot, isn't dead and shoots John, and then fully dies.
Dec 31, 2004
Present day
And from here on out would be the final ending that you already read.
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This would imply that he is destined to be put into a coma and relive the same thing over and over again
or
This could be his mind trying to live while his body is trying to die.
He commited a murder and ended up in a coma afterwards, when he got his memory back a year later, he had just commited a very simular murder like you said, but it was close enough to freak the hell out of him...right before he is shot by the man that he thought was dead. So, he is actually in a coma dying and refusing to give up, so his mind is reliving the time between the 2 comas trying to find a way to survive, but his body isn't allowing it to.
It's all up to interpretation, I want the viewers to believe what they want.
Do you think that would be a mind blow of an ending?
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dude i think u should just go with wot u feel is right, i iam enjoying reading this screenplay.. keep it up man...
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Ahhh, I got ya then. I think that the whole killing/re-killing thing is a lot easier to swallow if you do allow the viewer a chance to interperet things the way that they want to like you said. I do like your newest addition to the story as I feel that it will indeed mess with the viewer's head, (and that is always a great thing,) but just be careful to no foggy things up too much like Lost Highway did. IMO, there's nothing ruder than a movie that pretends to have an imbedded point after it's been deciphered when in reality the writer had no clue where he/she was going in the first place. Walk the viewer through things, leave clues, and get the viewer lost so they are forced to think, but I think that it would be wise to have a concrete answer hidden, (no matter how small or large of a hint as it might be,) somewhere in your story. You could even try to incorporate cryptic answers in the form of flashbacks or something like that; flashbacks are our friends! Please do keep up the great work though. I am very anxious to see how you progress on this since it is definatly one of the better ideas I have heard in a very long time!
