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She passed away in September, and I miss her.
I wish I had been a better son. I should have called her more often (20 minutes of my time).
My mother was an angry woman. She was an abused woman. She was an abusive woman.
She dealt with pain and death all of her life.
She was hard as nails. She was a nervous wreck on the inside. She drank, until her liver exploded.
I'm hoping that she's finally found peace. However, I don't know what to believe.
She was me mum, and now she's gone.
I miss her.
Whether you consider yourself to have been a good son or not ,I'm sure that a great deal of the joy that she derived from her life came from you. I'm sure that is what she would tell you now is she could.
That and not to be too hard on yourself as we all do the best we can at any given moment in time ,even when we seemingly fail to live up to our own lofty hopes and expectations.
Finally I think she would say that she misses you too , more acutely than she would ever have believed possible .
That is the description of my moms, except she is verbally abusive, not in your face but you cant talk to her with out pissing her off and getting an earful. My moms has bum knees and carpal tunnel and takes zero pain medication you can only imaging how on edge she is when her pain kicks in and she doesn't drink but smokes a pack a day. I try and not feel guilty but honestly she is making the choices in her life not me or my family. The worst part is she she works and she is nice to everyone there always smiling, you think I see a smile from her? FUCK NO, i do not like my moms at all these past 10 years its been all downhill.
Remember the good times, and have love for those memories and you will have peace.
Be spiritual, kind and respectful brotha
Who knows where anger starts, but we all know how it envelops us. I liken it to a black cloak that falls over a person, preventing even the smallest ray of light from coming in, or getting out. It's the 'getting out' part that can hurt us so much. We never see the love that most definitely is inside.
Anger can be masked, hidden or put on hold, but it won't go away until we reconcile why its there in the first place. Anger is best understood not as a single emotion, but a convergence of many: disappointment, fear, sadness, regret, hurt, betrayal, pain. A life spent swallowed up by occasion and circumstance which develops such within us can lead a person to anger or to peace. At times it comes down to the ability of the person, the strength in them, to keep slugging away through the mire of life and not get bogged down in to much looking backward.
BD -I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your mom. Consider this particular saying that I've often reflected on over the years: The day the child realizes that all adults are imperfect, he becomes an adolescent; the day he forgives them, he becomes an adult; the day he forgives himself, he becomes wise. - Alden Nowlan.
Peace returned BD
Sorry to hear about your mum, Paul.
Never mind, you've still got me.
:happy:
You're one of the good Canadians, Idol (you and my daughter).Quote:
Originally Posted by IdolEyes787
Thanks for the wise words, man. I appreciate your kindness, but you'll have to excuse me, if I don't expound on my feelings, atm. I'm quite drunk, and a wee bit sloppy.
-doobs
Quote:
Originally Posted by chavis
Hello, my friend.
My gut hurts. Man, my gut hurts.
I'm tired, too. I would love a minute or two to myself.
I need to exhale, like.
I'm going to skip some classes tomorrow, and do just that, exhale.
I'm frazzled to the max, mate.
Fuck.
We've been interweb friends for almost eight years, Chalice. I'm a better man for it.
Thanks for that.
Peace, Paul :happy:
ok man enough with the dramatics, put the weed down and man up:dabs:
I am truly sorry for your pain, BD. I don't contact my mother because she is a vicious, cold woman. She's static- she will be the same on her last page as her first. Nothing learned; nothing valuable gained; nothing valuable to share.
This kind of person brings pain into every life she touches. She's toxic.
I say these things because you mentioned not being a "good enough son". If your mother was anything like mine, your efforts would have gone nowhere. I have read many of your posts, and you come through as a good, fun-loving person. I'm happy to know you. Beyond that, you are a survivor- some of us see more ugliness in our lives than we deserve. You survived that, and choose to spread fun and happiness instead of venom. The world needs more people like you, and less of the wicked.
I hope this helps bring you some peace knowing that there are others who have faced similar times/ugliness. And we survived to be stronger.