the golf course

Four married guys go golfing. During the 4th hole the following conversation took place: First Guy: "You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out golfing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend."
Second Guy: "That's nothing, I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new deck for the pool."

Third Guy: "Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I will remodel the kitchen for her."

They continue to play the hole when they realized that the fourth guy has not said a word. So they ask him, " You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come golfing this weekend. What's the deal?"

Fourth Guy: "I just set my alarm for 5:30a.m., When it goes off, I shut off my alarm, give the wife a budge and say, 'Golf Course or Intercourse?' So she says, "Wear your sweater."

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A man, his wife, and mother-in-law went on vacation to the Holy Land. While they were there the mother-in-law passed away. The undertaker told them, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here in the Holy Land for $150.00."
The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.

The undertaker asked, "Why? Why would you spend $5000 to ship your mother-in-law home, when it would be wonderful for her to rest here in the Holy Land, at the cost of only $150?"

The son-in-law says, "A man died here about 2000 years ago. He was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't convince myself to take that chance..."