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Why did the Chicken Cross the Road 2002??
PAT BUCHANAN
To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.
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JERRY FALWELL
Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious?
Can't you people see the plain truth in front of
your face? The chicken was going to the "other
side." That's what "they" call it the "other side.
" Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you
eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we
boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination
that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly
harmless phrases like "the other side." That chicken
should not be free to cross the road. It's as plain and
simple as that.
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DR. SEUSS
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes! The chicken crossed the road,
but why it crossed, I've not been told!
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ERNEST HEMINGWAY
To die. In the rain.
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MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to
cross roads without having their motives called into question.
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GRANDPA
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the
road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the
road, and that was good enough for us.
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ARISTOTLE
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
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KARL MARX
It was a historical inevitability.
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SADDAM HUSSAIN
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were
quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
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RONALD REAGAN
What chicken?
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KEN STARR
I intend to prove that the chicken crossed the road at the behest of
the President of the United States of America in an effort to distract
law enforcement officials and the American public from the criminal
wrongdoing our highest elected official has been trying to cover up.
As a result, the chicken is just another pawn in the president's
ongoing and elaborate scheme to obstruct justice and undermine the rule
of law.
For that reason, my staff intends to offer the chicken unconditional
immunity provided he co-operates fully with our investigation.
Furthermore,
the chicken will not be permitted to reach the other side of the road
until our investigation and any Congressional follow-up investigations
have
been completed. (We also are investigating whether Sid Blumenthal has
leaked information to the Rev. Jerry Falwell, alleging the chicken to
be
homosexual in an effort to discredit any useful testimony the bird may
have to offer, or at least to ruffle his feathers.)
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CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
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FOX MULDER
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many
more chickens have to cross before you believe it?
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FREUD
The fact that you are at all concerned that the
chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying
sexual insecurity.
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BILL GATES
I have just released eChicken 2000, which will not only
cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important
documents, and balance your checkbook-and Internet
Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.
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EINSTEIN
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road
move beneath the chicken?
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BILL CLINTON
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do
you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken please?
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GEORGE W. BUSH
I don't think I should have to answer that question.
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LOUIS FARRAKHAN
The road, you will see, represents the black man. The
chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample
him and keep him down.
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THE BIBLE
And God came down from the heavens, and He said
unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road" And the
chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
**
COLONEL SANDERS
I missed one?
One day two very loving parents got into a huge fight, the man called the woman a bitch and the woman called the man a bastard.
Their son walked in and said "whats that mean?".
The parents told him it meant ladies and gentlemen.
The next day the parents decided to have sex, the woman said "feel my titties" and the man said "feel my dick".
Their son walked in and asked "whats that mean?" and the parents said it meant hats and coats.
On Thanksgiving the dad was shaving and he cut himself, "shit" he said, the kid came in, "whats that mean?" and the man said that it was the brand shaving cream he was using.
Downstairs the mom was preparing the turkey and she cut herself with the knife, "fuck" she said, once again ther kid came in and said "whats that mean?"
The mom said thats was what she was doing to the turkey, then the door bell rang and the kid answered the door to see his relatives for thanksgiving, the kid said, "alright you bastards and bitches, put your dicks and titties in the closet, my dad is upstairs wiping the shit off his face, and my mom is down here fucking the turkey! :lol: :lol: :lol:
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CHILDREN'S PERSPECTIVE
HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?
You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports,she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. ..Alan, age 10
No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry.God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with. ..Kirsten, age 10
WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GETM ARRIED?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then. ..Camille, age 10
No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married...Freddie, age 6
HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. ..Derrick, age 8
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don't want any more kids. ..Morgan, age 8
WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. ..Lynnette, age8
On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date. ..Martin, age 10
WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
I'd run home and play dead. The next day Iw ould call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns...Craig, age 9
WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
When they're rich. ..Hailey, age 7
The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that. ..Curt, age 7
The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should
marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do...Howard, age 8
IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
I don't know which is better, but I'll tell you one thing. I'm never going to have sex with my wife. I don't want to be all grossed out...Theodore, age 8
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them...Anita, age 9
HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids toe xplain, wouldn't there?..Kelvin, age 8
HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck...Ricky, age 10
