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Thread: GREAT ADVICE ON HEALTH (Q & A SESSION)

  1. #1
    Rat Faced's Avatar Broken
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    Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

    A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.



    Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

    A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of! field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.



    Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

    A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!



    Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

    A: Well, if you have a body and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.



    Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

    A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good



    Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

    A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?



    Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

    A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.



    Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

    A: Are you crazy? HELLO ...... Cocoabeans .. another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!



    Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

    A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.



    Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

    A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

    An It Harm None, Do What You Will

  2. Lounge   -   #2
    JPaul's Avatar Fat Secret Agent
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    Seems fine to me, I've just found my new diet / exercise regime.

    Thanks for that.

  3. Lounge   -   #3
    Gripper's Avatar Dexter's Apprentice.
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    What he said

    All spelling mistakes and grammatical errors in my post's are intentional.

  4. Lounge   -   #4
    SpatulaGeekGirl's Avatar Noodle Critic BT Rep: +2
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    Sugar.
    That's the way the potato mashes.
    That's the way the pan flashes.
    That's the way the market crashes.
    That's the way the whip lashes.
    That's the way the teeth gnashes.

  5. Lounge   -   #5
    Virtualbody1234's Avatar Forum Star BT Rep: +2
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    Quote Originally Posted by SpatulaGeekGirl
    Sugar.
    Yes?

  6. Lounge   -   #6
    SpatulaGeekGirl's Avatar Noodle Critic BT Rep: +2
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    Only alphabetically.
    That's the way the potato mashes.
    That's the way the pan flashes.
    That's the way the market crashes.
    That's the way the whip lashes.
    That's the way the teeth gnashes.

  7. Lounge   -   #7
    Rip The Jacker's Avatar Retired
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    Quote Originally Posted by Virtualbody1234
    Quote Originally Posted by SpatulaGeekGirl
    Sugar.
    Yes?


    Thanks for this, I'm gonna go eat some chocolate ice cream.

  8. Lounge   -   #8
    Tikibonbon's Avatar It'll Get Ya Drunk!
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rip The Jacker
    Quote Originally Posted by Virtualbody1234
    Yes?


    Thanks for this, I'm gonna go eat some chocolate ice cream.
    But she has had such a long day!

  9. Lounge   -   #9
    MediaSlayer's Avatar slowly going deaf
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    i'm surprised your still alive, paul


    sending fiery missiles in manker's japan's general direction.

  10. Lounge   -   #10
    DarthInsinuate's Avatar Died in battle
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    yes, me too, especially with that bullet lodged in your brain
    The Sexay Half Of ABBA And Max: Freelance Plants

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