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Thread: America has no culture? Shut up before I bomb you.

  1. #1
    orcutt989's Avatar Blargh
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    America has no culture? Says who?

    I'm sick and tired of people claiming that America has no "culture". That's completely untrue, America is full of culture. Sure, we don't have as much as other countries, such as Japan, but the simple fact that we dont eat cats (which is one of the few things we as Americans don't eat) shouldn't exclude us from culture altogether. Even if the culture of Native Americans doesn't count (it should, because we owned them so technically they are the same as us, right?) we still have plenty of it.

    You are what you eat


    If this is true (it's said a lot so it probably is), then America has culture like no other country. In fact, America really lives up to the name it aquired in the school house rock cartoon- The Great Mixing Pot (or something equally stereotypical and retarded). In this great nation you can pick up a phone, dial 7 numbers, and have the great cuisine of any country you so wish- but without any of that needless quality. An average American has probably had more Ethiopian food than the entire country of Ethiopia. Now that's what I call culture.


    We're right because our bombs say we are


    For all you doubters to the greatness of America's culture, let me tell you this- we will bomb you. If you do not grasp the concept of America's greatness, you probably belong on the axis of evil. If not, you better be willing to give us a lot of oil. Even the president says our culture is superb. Now I don't know about you, but I was always taught that the president is never wrong. America's culture is so great, so right, that we want other nations to adopt it. Forget for a second our extremely high crime rates and gun problems. Forget about the drugs. Everyone wants to be an American- thanks to our culture.


    Less is more
    Unless it's important stuff like guns or fast food


    America has mastered the art of less is more, a very important part to our awesome culture. Clothes on women? Less is more. Welfare? Less is more. Social security? Less is more, and soon enough, none is most. Teachers and classrooms? You guessed it- less is more. However, some things just cannot be cut down on. Mcdonalds for example. Or guns. You can never have enough guns. Lawyers too- lawyers are among the best people alive.

    You're stupid- you're probably a homosexual


    Homophobia is a crucial part of America's culture. Unlike the rest of the world, we are so great we see homophobia as not a problem but something to embrace. Even our president is homophobic, so how can we be wrong?! As the saying goes, if two men are involved who has the vagina? You think about that, think long and hard. Actually, no, don't think. You're new at this so you might make some mistakes. Watch Fox news instead, if culture was a channel- it would be Fox news.

    Who's more attractive- Jessica Alba or Winston Churchill?


    In your fucking face, Great Britain.

    NASCAR


    If anything sums up our culture, it's NASCAR. Nobody can turn left better than us Americans. Nobody. Rubbin's racin' as they say, which is an apt metaphore for American culture in that in makes no sense. What other country has fans that get drunk, pile into stadiums, and watch southerns that are somewhat illiterate drive in circles for hours? No other country, that's for sure. Go play your panzy ass soccer, rest of the real world- we have NASCAR!

    Number 3 never forget!!!

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    From SomethingAwful Forums.

    I am American.
    Last edited by orcutt989; 09-01-2005 at 03:14 AM.

  2. Funny S**t   -   #2
    cpt_azad's Avatar Colonel
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    lol, i found it pretty funny

    even though I figured at as sarcasm (being everything in that post is Right wing like a mofo and ur avatar is communistic....) I still imagine it's something some redneck would say

    Jeff Loomis: He's so good, he doesn't need to be dead to have a tribute.

  3. Funny S**t   -   #3
    j2k4's Avatar en(un)lightened
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    Quote Originally Posted by cpt_azad
    ...everything in that post is Right wing like a mofo...
    Or so the liberal rhetoric goes...

    Time for you to begin thinking with a bit more discrimination, mon capitain...
    “Think about how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of 'em are stupider than that.” -George Carlin

  4. Funny S**t   -   #4
    Tikibonbon's Avatar It'll Get Ya Drunk!
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    Quote Originally Posted by j2k4
    Quote Originally Posted by cpt_azad
    ...everything in that post is Right wing like a mofo...
    Or so the liberal rhetoric goes...

    Time for you to begin thinking with a bit more discrimination, mon capitain...
    You better be careful, you don't want to piss him off. Just think, if he broke a man arm with one punch at the tender age of 8, think what he could do to you now that he is all growed up. Not to mention he has access to top secret air force weaponry to drop on yo ass.
    http://jerome.galica.free.fr/dc%20comics/Green%20Lantern/GreenLantern_ION.gif

  5. Funny S**t   -   #5
    Rat Faced's Avatar Broken
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    Quote Originally Posted by orcutt989
    An average American has probably had more Ethiopian food than the entire country of Ethiopia.
    The average american does probably eat more food than the entire population of Ethiopia.. considering they appear to live off rocks most of the time due to famine.

    You could certainly hide an entire village in the average Americans pair of jeans..

    An It Harm None, Do What You Will

  6. Funny S**t   -   #6
    ahctlucabbuS's Avatar <
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    Quality.

    Less is more

  7. Funny S**t   -   #7
    orcutt989's Avatar Blargh
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    Haha. Let us have fun.

    I hope Peerzy reads this post.

  8. Funny S**t   -   #8

  9. Funny S**t   -   #9
    Busyman's Avatar Use Logic Or STFU!!!
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    Quote Originally Posted by Peerzy
    Why?
    Probably has something to do with you being a bitch and all...but I could wrong.
    Silly bitch, your weapons cannot harm me. Don't you know who I am? I'm the Juggernaut, Bitchhhh!

    Flies Like An Arrow, Flies Like An Apple
    ---12323---4552-----
    2133--STRENGTH--8310
    344---5--5301---3232

  10. Funny S**t   -   #10
    cpt_azad's Avatar Colonel
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    Quote Originally Posted by j2k4
    Quote Originally Posted by cpt_azad
    ...everything in that post is Right wing like a mofo...
    Or so the liberal rhetoric goes...

    Time for you to begin thinking with a bit more discrimination, mon capitain...
    Done and done

    Jeff Loomis: He's so good, he doesn't need to be dead to have a tribute.

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