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Thread: Some Jokes

  1. #1
    These ones are in spoiler tags cos they're a tad dirty

    Spoiler: Show

  2. Funny S**t   -   #2
    Nate the snake was slithering along happily when he came upon a rather large
    lever. Out of curiosity he coiled up around the lever. Just as he began to
    pull the lever a small bird flew down from a nearby tree and cried "No!
    Stop! If you pull that lever the world will end!!"

    Very carefully Nate uncoiled from the lever and started on his way. Feeling
    the ground tremble ever so slightly he looked and say a large bolder headed
    directly for the lever. He rushed to stop the rock from ending the world but
    alas he was too small and the rock crushed him. In doing so however, the
    direction was changed ever so slightly and missed the lever.

    The little bird looked down and said, "Better Nate than lever!"


    The new priest was so nervous on his first mass he could hardly speak. Before
    his second week in the pulpit, he asked the Monsignor how he could relax. The
    Monsignor said "next week it might help if you add vodka to the water pitcher.
    After a few sips everything should go smoothly." The following Sunday, the
    priest followed instructions... added vodka to the water, finished mass
    without problems and felt great.

    Upon returning to the Rectory a few hours later he discovered a "memo" from
    the Monsignor as follows:

    1. Next time, sip rather than gulp!

    2. There are ten commandments, not twelve.

    3. There are twelve disciples, not ten.

    4. David slew Goliath....he did not kick the shit out of him.

    5. We do not refer to Our Savior Jesus Christ, and his Apostles as "J.C. and
    the Boys."

    6. Next week there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's not a peter
    pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

    7. We do not refer to the Cross as the "Big T."

    8. The Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost are not referred to as "Big Daddy,
    Junior, and the Spook."

    9. The recommended grace before meals is not "Rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for
    the grub.....yeah God."

    10. Last, but not least, it is spoken "The Virgin Mary", not "Mary with
    the cherry."


    A women was considering buying an aging Thoroughbred but wanted a
    veterinarian's opinion of the horse before finalizing her deal. She asked
    when the doctor had completed his examination, "Will I be able to race him?"

    The veterinarian looked at the woman, then at the horse.

    "Sure" he replied, "and you'll probably win!"

  3. Funny S**t   -   #3
    peat moss's Avatar Software Farmer BT Rep: +15BT Rep +15BT Rep +15
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Delta B.C. Canada
    I like dirty can I have some please .


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