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Thread: Airline Humor

  1. #1
    hippychick's Avatar Memo, what memo? BT Rep: +5
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    In a State Of Confusion
    After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe
    which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.

    The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the
    and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
    Never let
    it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour.

    Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas'
    (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by
    maintenance engineers.

    By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an
    accident. Enjoy!

    P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
    S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

    P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
    S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

    P: Something loose in cockpit.
    S: Something tightened in cockpit.

    P: Dead bugs on windshield.

    S. Live bugs on back-order.

    P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
    S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

    P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
    S: Evidence removed.

    P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
    S: DME volume set to more believable level.

    P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
    S: That's what they're for.

    P: IFF inoperative.
    S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

    P: Suspected crack in windshield.
    S: Suspect you're right.

    P: Number 3 engine missing.
    S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

    P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
    S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

    P: Target radar hums.
    S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

    P: Mouse in cockpit.
    S: Cat installed.

    And the best one for last...

    P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a
    pounding on something with a hammer.
    S: Took hammer away from midget

  2. Funny S**t   -   #2
    Good 'un


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