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Thread: Christmas party memo

  1. #1
    hippychick's Avatar Memo, what memo? BT Rep: +5
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    In a State Of Confusion
    Christmas Party

    FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

    TO: All Employees

    DATE: 4th November

    RE: Christmas Party

    I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place
    on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the
    Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks!
    We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...please feel free to
    sing along.

    And don't be surprised if the Managing Director shows up dressed as Santa
    Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM.

    Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no
    gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's

    This gathering is only for employees! The Managing Director will make a
    special announcement at the Party.
    Merry Christmas to you and your Family.

    FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

    TO: All Employees

    DATE: 5th November

    RE: Holiday Party

    In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.
    We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides
    with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on
    we're calling it our 'Holiday Party'.. The same policy applies to any
    other employees who are not Christians. There will be no Christmas tree or
    Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your

    Happy now?

    Happy Holidays to you and your family,

    FROM; Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

    TO: All Employees

    DATE: 6th November

    RE: Holiday Party

    Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
    requesting a non-drinking didn't sign your name. I'm happy to
    accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA
    Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore!!!! How am I supposed to handle
    this? Somebody?

    Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange allowed now since the
    Union Officials feel that $10.00 is too much money and Management believe
    $10.00 is a little cheap.


    FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

    TO: All Employees

    DATE: 7th November

    RE: Holiday Party

    What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the
    Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during
    daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a
    luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees'
    beliefs, perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until
    the end of the party - or else package everything up for you to take home
    in a little foil doggy bag. Will that work?

    Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest
    from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to
    the toilets, Gays are allowed to sit with each other, Lesbians do not have
    to sit with gay men, each will have their own table.

    Yes, there will be flower arrangements for the gay men's table, too.

    To the person asking permission to cross dress - no cross dressing

    We will have booster seats for short people. Low fat food will be
    available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the
    food. We suggest those people with high blood pressure taste the food
    first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant
    cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!

    Did I miss anything?!?!?!?!?!

    FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
    TO: All F****** Employees

    DATE: 8 November

    RE: The ******** Holiday Party.

    Vegetarians, I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this
    party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit
    quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death", as you so
    quaintly put it. You'll get your f****** salad bar, including organic
    tomatoes, but you know tomatoes have feeling, too. They scream when you
    slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!!

    Hope you all have a rotten holiday * drink, drive, and die!

    The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    FROM: John Bishop - Acting Human Resources Director
    DATE: 9th November

    RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party

    I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline Lewis a speedy recovery,
    and I'll continue to forward your cards to her.

    In the meantime, Management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and
    instead, give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd December off with full

  2. Funny S**t   -   #2
    Barbarossa's Avatar mostly harmless
    Join Date
    Jun 2002
    Over here!
    Christmas can be a very stressful time.


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