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Thread: things to come

  1. #1
    baccyman's Avatar n00b BT Rep: +11BT Rep +11BT Rep +11
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    The year is 2029
    * Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia formally known as California.

    * Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.

    * Baby conceived naturally . . . scientists stumped.

    * Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

    * Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon).

    * Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

    * France pleads for global help after being over taken by Jamaica.

    * Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

    * George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

    * Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

    * 85-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise are the keys to weight loss.

    * Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

    * Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

    * Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

    * Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

    * Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.

    * New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.

    * Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.

    * IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

    And last but certainly not the least... (I love it)..

    * Florida voters still don't know how to use a voting machine.



    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    A man, new in town, goes to the best brothel in the city. Choosing the best looking girl in the place, he retires to a large and well-appointed suite, where he has some of the best sex of his life. Satiated, the man asks the madam, "How much do I owe you?"
    The madam motions for him to put away his money. She then pulls two hundred dollars out of a purse and gives it to him. She fends off all his attempts for an explanation.

    Naturally, the man returns the following evening. He gets the same treatment, and is again given two hundred dollars.

    The third night he does the same thing, but when he sees the madam she asks him for three hundred dollars.

    "Wait a minute," he says. "The first night you gave me two hundred dollars. The second night you gave two hundred dollars. Now you want me to pay you three hundred? Why?"

    The madam smiles and says, "Tonight you weren’t being filmed."

  2. Funny S**t   -   #2
    hippychick's Avatar Memo, what memo? BT Rep: +5
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    LMFAO @ the things to come funny....Great post baccy

  3. Funny S**t   -   #3
    baccyman's Avatar n00b BT Rep: +11BT Rep +11BT Rep +11
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    pleased to hear that you enjoyed that

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