Santa Off Prozac

[hippychick]

I know its past xmas, but this still cracks me up...

Dear Santa,
I've written you for three years now asking for a fire truck. Please, I
really, really want a fire truck this year! Love, Joey

Dear Joey,
Let me make it up to you. Christmas Eve, while you sleep; I'm gonna
torch your house. You'll have more fire trucks than you'll know what
to do with. Santa


Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my
mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do. Love
Teddy

Dear Teddy,
What, and ruin that hot affair your dad's still having with the
baby-sitter?
He's banging her like a screen door in a hurricane, son! Let me get
you some nice Legos instead.
Santa


Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for
your reindeer outside the backdoor.
Love Susan

Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the shit's and carrots make the deer fart in my face. You
want to be a kiss-ass? Leave me a glass of Chivas Regal and a nice,
Cuban cigar. Santa


Dear Santa,
I really, really want a puppy this year. Please, please, PLEASE! Jimmy

Dear Jimmy,
That whiney-begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap don't
work up here. You're getting another sweater.
Santa


Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you making toys?
Your friend, Thomas

Dear Thomas,
All toys get made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most
of my time squeezing cocktail waitresses asses, and losing all my cash
at the craps table. Hey YOU wanted to know!
Santa


Dear Santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur for Xmas. Iv ben a good boy all
year.
Yer Friend, Billy

Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to being a career lawn care
specialist.
How 'bout I send you a fricken book so you can learn to read and write?
I'm
giving your older brother the space ranger, at least HE can spell!
Santa


Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace
and joy in the world for everybody!
Love, Sarah

Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa


Santa,
I need more Pokemon cards, please! All my friends have more Pokemon
cards than me. Please see what you can do.
Love, Michelle

Dear Michelle,
It blows my fricken mind. Kids are forcing their parents to buy
hundreds of dollars worth of these stupid cards, and none of you
snot-nosed brats are even learning to play the game. Let me get you
something more your speed, like "Chutes and Ladders."
Santa



Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, play station, a train, some G. I. Joe's, a dog, a
drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love, Francis

Dear Francis,
Who the hell names their kid "Francis" nowadays?
Santa



Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sl
like in the song?
Love, Jessica

Dear Jessica,
You are that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do, I'm skipping your
house.
Santa


Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
Love, Marky

Mark,
First, stop calling yourself "Marky"; that's why you're getting your
ass

whipped at school. Secondly, you don't live in a house, that's a
low-rent apartment complex you're living in. Thirdly, I get inside your
pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams! Santa

[maebach]

sadly funny