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Thread: sexercise

  1. #1
    baccyman's Avatar n00b BT Rep: +11BT Rep +11BT Rep +11
    Join Date
    Oct 2002
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    u.k.
    Age
    63
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    1,697
    It has been known for many years that sex is good exercise, but until recently nobody had made a scientific study of the caloric expenditure of different sexual activities. Now after original and proprietary research they are proud to present the results.
    REMOVING HER CLOTHES:
    With her consent....................... 12 Calories
    Without her consent.................... 187 Calories

    OPENING HER BRA:
    With both hands........................ 8 Calories
    With one hand.......................... 12 Calories
    With your teeth........................ 85 Calories

    PUTTING ON A CONDOM:
    With an erection....................... 6 Calories
    Without an erection.................... 315 Calories

    PRELIMINARIES:
    Trying to find the clitoris............ 8 Calories
    Trying to find the G-Spot.............. 92 Calories

    POSITIONS:
    Missionary............................. 12 Calories
    69 lying down.......................... 78 Calories
    69 standing up......................... 112 Calories
    Wheelbarrow............................ 216 Calories
    Doggy Style............................ 326 Calories
    Italian chandelier..................... 912 Calories

    ORGASMING:
    Real................................... 112 Calories
    False.................................. 315 Calories

    POST ORGASM:
    Lying in bed hugging................... 18 Calories
    Getting up immediately................. 36 Calories
    Explaining why you got out of bed immediately......816 Calories

    GETTING A SECOND ERECTION: IF YOU ARE:
    20-29 years old........................ 36 Calories
    30-39 years............................ 80 Calories
    40-49 years............................ 124 Calories
    50-59 years............................ 972 Calories
    60-69 years............................ 2916 Calories
    70 and over......................... Results are still pending

    DRESSING AFTERWARDS:
    Calmly................................. 32 Calories
    In a hurry............................. 98 Calories
    With her father knocking at the door... 1218 Calories
    With your wife knocking at the door.... 3521 Calories
    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    I went into the 7-11 gas station the other day and asked for five dollars worth of gas.
    The clerk farted and gave me a receipt.
    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    A guy walks into the local welfare office for his monthly check. He marches straight up to the counter and says, "Hi. You know, I just HATE coming in here drawing welfare month after month. I'd really much rather have a job."

    The social worker behind the counter says, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his nymphomaniac daughter. You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he'll supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips. You'll have a two-bedroom apartment above the garage. The starting salary is $200,000 a year." The guy says, "You're bullshitting me!"

    The social worker says, "Yeah, well... you started it."

  2. Funny S**t   -   #2
    maebach's Avatar Team FST Captain
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    burlington, Ontario
    Posts
    5,341
    pretty good

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