Your Ad Here Your Ad Here
Results 1 to 6 of 6

Thread: Courtroom responses

  1. #1
    Skiz's Avatar (_8(I)
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Location
    CO
    Age
    40
    Posts
    29,632
    These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts of America, and are
    things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now
    published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while
    these exchanges were actually taking place.


    ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?

    WITNESS: No, I just lie there.


    --------------------------------------------------------



    ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?

    WITNESS: July 18th.

    ATTORNEY: What year?

    WITNESS: Every year.

    _____________________________________


    ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

    WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

    ______________________________________


    ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

    WITNESS: Yes.

    ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?


    WITNESS: I forget.

    ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you

    forgot?

    _____________________________________


    ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?

    WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.

    ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?

    WITNESS: Forty-five years.

    _____________________________________


    ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that

    morning?

    WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"

    ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?

    WITNESS: My name is Susan

    ______________________________________


    ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?


    WITNESS: We both do.

    ATTORNEY: Voodoo?

    WITNESS: We do.

    ATTORNEY: You do?

    WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.

    ______________________________________


    ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his

    sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

    WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

    ___________________________________


    ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

    WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one..

    ________________________________________


    ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

    WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?

    ______________________________________


    ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

    WITNESS: Yes.

    ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?

    WITNESS: Uh....

    ______________________________________


    ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?

    WITNESS: Yes.

    ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

    WITNESS: None.

    ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

    ______________________________________


    ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

    WITNESS: By death.

    ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

    ______________________________________


    ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

    WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.

    ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

    ______________________________________


    ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition

    notice which I sent to your attorney?

    WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

    ______________________________________


    ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead

    people?

    WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

    ______________________________________


    ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go

    to?

    WITNESS: Oral.

    ______________________________________


    ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

    WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

    ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

    WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an

    autopsy on him!

    ______________________________________


    ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

    WITNESS: Huh?

    ______________________________________


    ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a

    pulse?

    WITNESS: No.

    ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

    WITNESS: No.

    ATTORNEY Did you check for breathing?

    WITNESS: No.

    ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you

    began the autopsy?

    WITNESS: No

    ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

    WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

    ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

    WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and

    practicing law.



    ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ
    The FST Last.fm group

  2. Funny S**t   -   #2
    Evil_Monkey's Avatar I OWN YO ASS
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    In your pocket
    Age
    27
    Posts
    1,092
    I just got one thing to say
    http://tacosrule.ytmnd.com/
    Last edited by Evil_Monkey; 02-03-2006 at 07:31 AM.

  3. Funny S**t   -   #3
    good stuff

  4. Funny S**t   -   #4
    Aaron_T's Avatar A duck is watching.
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    Newcastle Upon Tyne
    Age
    28
    Posts
    4,506
    Those who dont learn from the past are doomed to repeat It.

  5. Funny S**t   -   #5
    Guyver's Avatar FORUM STONER
    Join Date
    Apr 2003
    Location
    I AM CANADIAN!
    Age
    29
    Posts
    3,008
    lol

    Smith is a bag of douche,FACT.

  6. Funny S**t   -   #6
    maebach's Avatar Team FST Captain
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    burlington, Ontario
    Posts
    5,341

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •