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Thread: Marinara alert

  1. #1
    I burnt myself on some hot marinara sauce bubbling on my stove.

    I first administered CPR to myself for about an hour.

    I then transfused myself with 5 pints of blood or was it KC Masterpiece Bar-B-Que Sauce. Whatever it was, it was in the cupboard.

    I am planning to intubate myself shortly.

    Am I taking all this too lightly.

    My thumb does sting quite a bit.
    Aren't we in the trust tree, thingey?

  2. Lounge   -   #2
    JPaul's Avatar Fat Secret Agent
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    Quote Originally Posted by hobbes
    I burnt myself on some hot marinara sauce bubbling on my stove.

    I first administered CPR to myself for about an hour.

    I then transfused myself with 5 pints of blood or was it KC Masterpiece Bar-B-Que Sauce. Whatever it was, it was in the cupboard.

    I am planning to intubate myself shortly.

    Am I taking all this too lightly.

    My thumb does sting quite a bit.
    I think intubation is the best idea.

  3. Lounge   -   #3
    Quote Originally Posted by JPaul
    Quote Originally Posted by hobbes
    I burnt myself on some hot marinara sauce bubbling on my stove.

    I first administered CPR to myself for about an hour.

    I then transfused myself with 5 pints of blood or was it KC Masterpiece Bar-B-Que Sauce. Whatever it was, it was in the cupboard.

    I am planning to intubate myself shortly.

    Am I taking all this too lightly.

    My thumb does sting quite a bit.
    I think intubation is the best idea.
    I just stuck a funnel up my nose and I feel much better.
    Aren't we in the trust tree, thingey?

  4. Lounge   -   #4
    JPaul's Avatar Fat Secret Agent
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    Quote Originally Posted by hobbes
    Quote Originally Posted by JPaul
    I think intubation is the best idea.
    I just stuck a funnel up my nose and I feel much better.
    Thank feck, it was getting serious for a moment there.

  5. Lounge   -   #5
    clocker's Avatar Shovel Ready
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    If you decide to crack open your chest, please to be taking pictures.

    I'd recommend a song for that.
    "I am the one who knocks."- Heisenberg

  6. Lounge   -   #6
    Quote Originally Posted by clocker
    If you decide to crack open your chest, please to be taking pictures.

    I'd recommend a song for that.
    I cracked my chest first.

    I was doing open cardiac massage for an hour.

    I thought that was the obvious first step.

    It is the stop, drop and roll of marinara burns.
    Aren't we in the trust tree, thingey?

  7. Lounge   -   #7
    clocker's Avatar Shovel Ready
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    I think the obvious first step would have been to ask what Jesus would have done.
    Followed by self-administered cardiac massage, naturally.

    How'd the sauce turn out by the way?
    "I am the one who knocks."- Heisenberg

  8. Lounge   -   #8
    j2k4's Avatar en(un)lightened
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    If you'd thought to simply amputate, you could be eating by now.
    “Think about how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of 'em are stupider than that.” -George Carlin

  9. Lounge   -   #9
    tesco's Avatar woowoo
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    Quote Originally Posted by j2k4
    If you'd thought to simply amputate, you could be eating by now.
    Not everyone's a doctor like you.

  10. Lounge   -   #10
    j2k4's Avatar en(un)lightened
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    Quote Originally Posted by rossco
    Quote Originally Posted by j2k4
    If you'd thought to simply amputate, you could be eating by now.
    Not everyone's a doctor like you.
    I'm a brain surgeon; I don't do amputations, Ross.

    Well...not for money, anyway.
    “Think about how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of 'em are stupider than that.” -George Carlin

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