Your Ad Here Your Ad Here
Results 1 to 5 of 5

Thread: Anger Management Really Works

  1. #1
    j2k4's Avatar en(un)lightened
    Join Date
    Nov 2002
    Location
    Oh, please...
    Posts
    15,254
    Anger Management

    When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you
    just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out
    on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't
    know.

    I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone
    call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and
    dialed it. A man answered, saying "Hello."

    I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak
    with Robyn Carter?"

    Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the
    right f***in' number!" and the phone was slammed down
    on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so
    rude. When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to
    call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed
    the last two digits.

    After hanging up with her, I decided to call the
    'wrong' number again. When he same guy answered the
    phone, I yelled "You're an asshole!" and hung up. I
    wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to
    it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of
    weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad
    day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!" It
    always cheered me up.

    When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my
    therapeutic 'asshole' calling would have to stop. So,
    I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith
    from AT&T. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with
    our Caller ID Program?"

    He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone. I quickly
    called him back and said, "That's because you're an
    asshole!"

    One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into
    a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and
    pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit
    the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that
    spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale"
    sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number.

    A couple of days later, right after calling the first
    asshole (I had his number on speed dial, I thought
    that I'd better call the BMW asshole, too.

    I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"
    He said, "Yes, it is."
    I asked, "Can you tell me where I can see it?"
    He said, "Yes, I live at 34 Oak Tree Blvd. It's a
    yellow house, and the car's parked right out in
    front."
    I asked, "What's your name?"
    He said, "My name is Don Hansen,"
    I asked, "When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
    He said, "I'm home every evening after five."
    I said, "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
    He said, "Yes?"
    I said, "Don, you're an asshole!"

    Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial,
    too.
    Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.

    Then I came up with an idea. I called Asshole #1.

    He said, "Hello."
    I said, "You're an asshole!" (But I didn't hang up.)
    He asked, "Are you still there?"
    I said, "Yeah,"
    He screamed, "Stop calling me,"
    I said, "Make me,"
    He asked, "Who are you?"
    I said, "My name is Don Hansen."
    He said, "Yeah? Where do you live?"
    I said, "Asshole, I live at 34 Oak Tree Blvd. It's a
    yellow house, with my black Beamer parked in front."
    He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had
    better start saying your prayers."
    I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole," and
    hung up.

    Then I called Asshole #2.
    He said, "Hello?"
    I said, "Hello, asshole,"
    He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."
    I said, "You'll what?"
    He exclaimed, "I'll kick your ass!"
    I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm
    coming over right now!"

    Then I hung up and immediately called the police,
    saying that I lived at 34 Oak Tree Blvd. and that I
    was on my way over there to kill my gay lover. Then I
    called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in
    Oak Tree Blvd.

    I quickly got into my car and headed over to Oak Tree
    Blvd. I got there just in time to watch two assholes
    beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop
    cars, an overhead police helicopter and a news crew.

    NOW I feel much better. Anger management really works.
    “Think about how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of 'em are stupider than that.” -George Carlin

  2. Funny S**t   -   #2
    silent h3ro's Avatar Poster BT Rep: +9BT Rep +9
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    Location
    Detroit
    Age
    27
    Posts
    4,461
    FUNNIEST thing I've heard in a long time.

  3. Funny S**t   -   #3
    Thats damn funny man....

  4. Funny S**t   -   #4
    j2k4's Avatar en(un)lightened
    Join Date
    Nov 2002
    Location
    Oh, please...
    Posts
    15,254
    What's also kinda funny is I got it from my wife's cousin, who is a Catholic priest in Chicago.

    He's pretty cool.
    “Think about how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of 'em are stupider than that.” -George Carlin

  5. Funny S**t   -   #5
    silent h3ro's Avatar Poster BT Rep: +9BT Rep +9
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    Location
    Detroit
    Age
    27
    Posts
    4,461
    That's a cool priest u know.

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •