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Thread: natural laws of the universe

  1. #1
    baccyman's Avatar n00b BT Rep: +11BT Rep +11BT Rep +11
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    Subject: LAWS OF THE NATURAL UNIVERSE
    Law of Mechanical Repair:
    After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.

    Law of the Workshop:
    Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

    Law of Probability:
    The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

    Law of the Telephone:
    If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.

    Law of the Alibi:
    If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

    Variation Law:
    If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

    Law of the Bath:
    When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

    Law of Close Encounters:
    The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

    Law of the Result:
    When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

    Law of Biomechanics:
    The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

    Law of the Theatre:
    At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

    Law of Coffee:
    As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

    Murphy's Law of Lockers:
    If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

    Law of Rugs/Carpets:
    The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

    Law of Location:
    No matter where you go, there you are.

    Law of Logical Argument:
    Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

    Brown's Law:
    If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

    Oliver's Law:
    A closed mouth gathers no feet.

    Wilson's Law:
    As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.



    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    A pro golfer was involved in a terrible car crash and was rushed to hospital. Just before he was put under, the surgeon popped in to see him.
    "I have some good news and some bad news." says the surgeon. "The bad news is that I have to remove your right arm!"

    "Oh god no!" cries the man. "My career is over! Please Doc, what's the good news?"

    "The good news is, I have another one to replace it with, but it's a woman's arm! I'll need your permission before I go ahead with the transplant"

    "Go for it doc" says the man. "As long as I can play golf again."

    The operation went well and 6 months later the man was out on the golf course when he bumped into the surgeon.

    "Hi, how's the new arm?" asks the surgeon.

    "Just great" says the business man. "I'm playing the best golf of my life. My new arm has a much finer touch and my putting has really improved."

    "That's great." said the surgeon

    "Not only that," continued the golfer, "my handwriting has improved, I've learned how to sew my own clothes and I've even taken up painting landscapes in watercolors"

    "Unbelievable!" said the surgeon, "I'm so glad to hear the transplant was such a success."

    "Well there is one problem," said the golfer, "every time I try to jerk off I get a headache."

  2. Funny S**t   -   #2
    lol

  3. Funny S**t   -   #3
    NeoTheOne's Avatar Poster
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    LOL so true lol

  4. Funny S**t   -   #4
    cpt_azad's Avatar Colonel
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    hahaha every single statement there is true.

    Jeff Loomis: He's so good, he doesn't need to be dead to have a tribute.

  5. Funny S**t   -   #5
    maebach's Avatar Team FST Captain
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    I dont get the second one

  6. Funny S**t   -   #6
    cpt_azad's Avatar Colonel
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    Quote Originally Posted by maebach
    I dont get the second one
    You drop something and it "dissapears", and its true too pisses me off like say you're working on a car at your school auto shop class (considering you have that) and you drop a ratchet, BAM good luck finding it, it'll take a while lol and once you find it, it's almost always in an impossible to reach area (like under a table that you cant get your fingers/hand under.

    Jeff Loomis: He's so good, he doesn't need to be dead to have a tribute.

  7. Funny S**t   -   #7
    Draugr's Avatar Poster
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  8. Funny S**t   -   #8

  9. Funny S**t   -   #9
    maebach's Avatar Team FST Captain
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    Quote Originally Posted by cpt_azad
    Quote Originally Posted by maebach
    I dont get the second one
    You drop something and it "dissapears", and its true too pisses me off like say you're working on a car at your school auto shop class (considering you have that) and you drop a ratchet, BAM good luck finding it, it'll take a while lol and once you find it, it's almost always in an impossible to reach area (like under a table that you cant get your fingers/hand under.
    I meant the second joke

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