JP's Harshity - all an interweb act, isn't it.

**manker** · 05-10-2006, 04:52 PM

I was in bed, reading. The lad wouldn't sleep and was creating merry hell around me but he seemed happy enough so I left him to it.

The phone rang - now normally I don't answer it to numbers I don't know but I did and was greeted by a someone 'looking for manker' who initially sounded Pakistani but then I later realised it was Scotch.

I thought it must be Spider_dude because he is the only Scot who rings me so conducted the conversation as if it was him. After much confusion and me telling 'Liam' to stfu and this 'Jim' telling me that his name wasn't 'Ian', I realised it was JP. I'd never spoken to him before, so it was quite a novelty.

I don't have total recall of the conversation but I do remember JP telling me that my plan to phone at 9:30 the next morning to say whether I needed an extra ticket to Keano's testimonial (the reason for the phonecall) was an "Ideal idea" - which I thought highly amusing in an 'at not with' kinda way.

Anyhow. By now the boy was playing up a bit and obviously wanted me to stop talking on the phone - so I said this to JP:

Me: Sorry, I need to see to my Son. Sorry I can't stop on and chat.
JP: What?
Me: Sorry I can't stay and chat but the lad ... .
JP <interrupting>: I heard what you said; the chances of me actually phoning up someone from the interweb is nigh on fucking zero so if you think for a second that I'm wanting to stay and chat then you're mistaken.

<slight pause>

JP: In fact, after this conversation, I hope I never have to speak to you ever again. Sorry if that sounds harsh.

Me <laughing>: Well, okay that's fair enough, I'll have to phone tomorrow tho'.
JP: Sure. Bye now.

Click.

I'm paraphrasing, obviously, and maybe it wasn't as harsh as all that - more jovial - but I was like

**Proper Bo** · 05-10-2006, 04:55 PM

he didn't even pretend to be phoning with your aids test results like i said he should?:shocked:

**manker** · 05-10-2006, 04:58 PM

He might have - I was rly confused at the start of the conversation and wasn't yet tuned into foreign-speak.

**Proper Bo** · 05-10-2006, 04:58 PM

note: you should point out that "the lad" is your bairn, not a pet name for your boyfriend. just for people who don't know, like.

edit: just noticed you mentioned "son" a few times

**Mr JP Fugley** · 05-10-2006, 04:58 PM

Other than me saying "Sorry if that sounds overly harsh" that's pretty much it.

Had it just been harsh I would have felt no need to make mention of it. That seems fair enough.

**Proper Bo** · 05-10-2006, 04:59 PM

Originally Posted by manker

He might have - I was rly confused at the start of the conversation and wasn't yet tuned into foreign-speak.

did he larf at your silly accent?

infact, it'd have been a "who sounds daftest"-athon

**Mr JP Fugley** · 05-10-2006, 05:02 PM

Originally Posted by Proper Bo

he didn't even pretend to be phoning with your aids test results like i said he should?:shocked:

I tried to, but soon realized I was dealing with a befuddled dolt and decided to "dumb it down".

Imagine my horror when he apologized for not being in a position to carry on, with an extended conversation. I'm a guy for fuck sake, get the business sorted and hang the fuck up. Burds and emos "chat".

How it should have gone.

Me - Is that manker

manker - Indeed.

Me - Do you have a mate who wants a free ticket for the game, manutd end.

manker - Not sure. I'll ask about.

Me - OK, phone me in the morning.

click.