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Thread: meeting the nun

  1. #1
    baccyman's Avatar n00b BT Rep: +11BT Rep +11BT Rep +11
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    At the prestigious university I attend, there is a clear hierarchy that outlines how long one was to wait for a class to begin if the professor were absent. A full professor rated fifteen minutes. An associate only ten. A mere instructor was expected to be on time, if not early. This system worked only one way, however; and students were afforded no such grace.
    It was to be expected, therefore, that one professor, the foremost authority in his field by his own admission, would register distinct annoyance when the student, just out of military service, was late for class for the third morning running.

    "Tell me," the professor began, "exactly what did they say in the Army when you sauntered in late like this?"

    "Well," mused the unperturbed young man... "first they saluted, then they asked, 'How are you this morning, sir?'"
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    A monk who's been sheltered all of his life has to travel to the big city to meet his friend, a Catholic nun.
    On the streets of the city, he encounters a prostitute, who says: "Blowjob? Five dollars?"

    "No, thank you!" the monk says, blushing.

    He moves on to the next street corner, and another hooker asks him, "Blowjob? Five dollars."

    He hurriedly rushes down the streets, but on each corner, there's a woman asking if he wants a blowjob. By the time he reaches the convent, he's very upset.

    He asks his friend the nun, "Sister, what's a "blowjob?"

    She smiles and replies: "Five dollars."
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    Two truck drivers arrive in front of a tunnel. The sign says MAXIMUM HEIGHT 3 METERS.
    The first driver measures his truck and says, "Damn...3 .2 meters!"

    The second one looks furtively around and says, "No police, anywhere. We can go!"
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    A man was walking along the street when he saw a ladder going into the clouds. As any of us would do, he climbed the ladder. He reached a cloud, upon which sat a rather plump and very ugly woman. "Make love to me or climb the ladder to success," she said.
    No contest, thought the man, so he climbed the ladder to the next cloud. On this cloud was a slightly thinner woman, who was slightly easier on the eye. "Do me hard or climb the ladder to success," she said. "Well," thought the man, "might as well carry on."

    On the next cloud was an even prettier lady who, this time, was quite attractive. "Take me now or climb the ladder to success," she uttered.

    As he turned her down and went on up the ladder, the man thought to himself that this was getting better the further he went. On the next cloud was an absolute beauty. Slim, attractive, the lot. "Just do me like crazy here and now or climb the ladder to success," she flirted.

    Unable to imagine what could be waiting, and being a gambling man, he decided to climb again. When he reached the next cloud, there was a 400 pound ugly man, arm pit hair showing, flies buzzing around his head.

    "Who are you?" the man asked.

    "Hello" said the ugly fat man, "I'm Cess!"
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    Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They loaded up Jack's mini van and headed North. After driving for a few hours, they were caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.

  2. Funny S**t   -   #2
    Virtualbody1234's Avatar Forum Star BT Rep: +2
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    Quote Originally Posted by baccyman
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    Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They loaded up Jack's mini van and headed North. After driving for a few hours, they were caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.
    You lost me on that one.

  3. Funny S**t   -   #3
    baccyman's Avatar n00b BT Rep: +11BT Rep +11BT Rep +11
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    sorry about missing the end of the last joke that was how it was sent to me and i didn't read all the jokes properly i will do in future.

  4. Funny S**t   -   #4
    baccyman's Avatar n00b BT Rep: +11BT Rep +11BT Rep +11
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    the rest of that joke is here
    --------------------------

    Following some duty overseas, the officers at the Fort were planning a welcome home party and dance for the unit. Being an all male combat force, they decided to request coeds from some of the surrounding colleges to attend.
    The Captain called Vassar and was assured by the Dean that arrangements could be made to send over a dozen of their most trustworthy students.

    The Captain hesitated, then said, "Would it also be possible to send a dozen or so of the other kind ?"



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    Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They loaded up Jack's mini van and headed North. After driving for a few hours, they were caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.
    "I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained, "I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."

    "Don't worry," Jack said. We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light."

    The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night. In the morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.

    About nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but! he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend. He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, "Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up North?"

    "Yes, I do." said Bob

    "Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?"

    "Yes," Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out, "I have to admit that I did."

    "And did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?"

    Bob's face turned red and he said, "Yeah, sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did. Why do you ask?"

    "She just died and left me everything".

  5. Funny S**t   -   #5
    maebach's Avatar Team FST Captain
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  6. Funny S**t   -   #6
    Virtualbody1234's Avatar Forum Star BT Rep: +2
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    Thanks for the conclusion, baccyman!

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