A blonde walks by a travel agency and notices a sign in the window, "Cruise Special -- $99!" So she goes inside, lays her money on the counter and says, "I'd like the $99 cruise special, please."
The agent says, "Yes, ma'am," the he grabs her, drags her into the back room, ties her into a large inner tube, pulls her out the back door and downhill to the river bank, where he pushes her in and sends her floating down the river.
A second blonde comes by a few minutes later, sees the sign, goes inside, lays down her money, and asks for the $99 special. She too is tied to an inner tube and sent floating down the river. Drifting into stronger current, she eventually catches up with the first blonde. They float side by side for a while before the first blonde asks, "Do they serve refreshments on his cruise?"
The second blonde replies, "They didn't last year."
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A rancher asked his veterinarian for some free advice. "I have a horse that walks normally sometimes, and sometimes he limps. What should I do?"
The Vet replied, "The next time he walks normally, sell him."
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A Russian man is walking through a bazaar, when a stranger comes up to him and offers to sell him some illegal Viagra for 100 rubles. "No, not worth it!"
"OK, how about 50 rubles?"
"No, not worth it!"
"OK, 20?"
"No, not worth it!"
"How about 10?"
"No, not worth it!"
"Listen, these pills cost $10 American each. How can you say they are not worth it?"
"Oh, the pills are worth it, it's my wife is not worth it."
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Sitting behind a couple of nuns at a baseball game (whose habits partially blocked the view), three male Yankees fans decided to badger the nuns in an effort to get them to move.
In a very loud voice, the first guy said, "I think I'm going to move to Utah, there are only about 100 nuns living there".
The second guy spoke up and said, "I want to go to Montana. I hear there are only about 50 nuns living there".
The 3rd guy said, "I want to go to Idaho, there are only 25 nuns living there".
One of the nuns turned around, looked at the men, and in a very sweet, calm voice said, "Why don't you go to Hell? There aren't ANY nuns there".
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