A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, "Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer."
The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passers by would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone. However he suggested an alternative: He would inscribe, "Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer.
That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark: "That's Strange!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Nina and Rosie were always trying to get the other's goat and today they were meeting for lunch.
Nina noticed that Rosie was walking stiffly and asked what the problem was.
Rosie replied, "Oh nothing. It's just that my husband is so big I just can’t take it."
Nina replied, "I know. I know."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ted and Nick go into a whorehouse, but on that particular day all the women called in sick except one. The owner, seeing as how they were regulars and Nick was ALWAYS drunk, decided to put him in a room with an inflatable woman, thinking he will never know the difference.
On the way home Nick asks "Hey man, how was yours?"
Ted replies "Good and yours?"
Nick says "I think mine was a witch man!" Ted asks "Why you say that?" Nick goes "Well, when I bit her titty and she farted in my face…then flew out the window!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven.
At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven.
"Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God."
St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room and introduced him to God. God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley Davidson motorcycle?"
Arthur said, "Yep, that's me."
God said, "Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can't run without a road?"
Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally he said, "Excuse me, but aren't You the inventor of woman?"
God said, "Yes."
"Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention:
1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusions;
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds;
3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much;
4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust;
5. And the maintenance costs are enormous!"
"Hmmmmm, you may have some good points there," replied God, "Hold on." God went to His Celestial super computer, typed in a few words and waited for the results.
The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it "Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers…more men are riding my invention than yours!!!
Reply With Quote
Originally Posted by maebach
Bookmarks