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Thread: How can I get Illegal Alien Status?

  1. #1
    I saw this on another forum and don't know who to credit it to but thought you might enjoy it.




    The Honorable Senators Snow and Collins
    Hart Senate Office Building
    Washington DC, 20510

    Dear Senators Snow and Collins,

    As a citizen of Maine and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue
    Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the
    Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process
    for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.

    My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen to
    illegal alien stem from the bill which was recently passed by the
    Senate. If my understanding of this bill's
    provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United
    States for five years, all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a
    $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years. I know a
    good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started
    before everyone figures it out.

    Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay
    taxes every year -- so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two
    years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way
    that I can apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an
    excellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in
    2004 and 2005.

    Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local
    emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have stopped
    paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could
    save almost $10,000 a year. Another benefit in gaining illegal status
    would be that my daughter would receive preferential treatment relative
    to her law school applications, as well as "in-state" tuition rates for
    many colleges throughout the United States for my son.

    Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the burden
    of renewing my driver's license and making those burdensome car
    insurance premiums. This is very important to me given that I still
    have college age children driving my car.

    If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become
    illegal ( retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms,
    I would be most appreciative. Thank you for your assistance.

    Your Loyal Constituent,

  2. The Drawing Room   -   #2
    I don't have the answers to immegration in the states, and to be honest, having been out of the states so long never thought about it.

    But now I can see why everyone is so up in arms about it and thought this expressed things rather well

  3. The Drawing Room   -   #3
    Skiz's Avatar (_8(I)
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    Quote Originally Posted by tracydani3 View Post
    I saw this on another forum and don't know who to credit it to but thought you might enjoy it.




    The Honorable Senators Snow and Collins
    Hart Senate Office Building
    Washington DC, 20510

    Dear Senators Snow and Collins,

    As a citizen of Maine and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue
    Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the
    Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process
    for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.

    My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen to
    illegal alien stem from the bill which was recently passed by the
    Senate. If my understanding of this bill's
    provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United
    States for five years, all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a
    $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years. I know a
    good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started
    before everyone figures it out.

    Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay
    taxes every year -- so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two
    years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way
    that I can apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an
    excellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in
    2004 and 2005.

    Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local
    emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have stopped
    paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could
    save almost $10,000 a year. Another benefit in gaining illegal status
    would be that my daughter would receive preferential treatment relative
    to her law school applications, as well as "in-state" tuition rates for
    many colleges throughout the United States for my son.

    Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the burden
    of renewing my driver's license and making those burdensome car
    insurance premiums. This is very important to me given that I still
    have college age children driving my car.

    If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become
    illegal ( retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms,
    I would be most appreciative. Thank you for your assistance.

    Your Loyal Constituent,
    Sad but true.



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    The FST Last.fm group

  4. The Drawing Room   -   #4
    Busyman's Avatar Use Logic Or STFU!!!
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    Quote Originally Posted by tracydani3 View Post
    I saw this on another forum and don't know who to credit it to but thought you might enjoy it.




    The Honorable Senators Snow and Collins
    Hart Senate Office Building
    Washington DC, 20510

    Dear Senators Snow and Collins,

    As a citizen of Maine and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue
    Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the
    Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process
    for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.

    My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen to
    illegal alien stem from the bill which was recently passed by the
    Senate. If my understanding of this bill's
    provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United
    States for five years, all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a
    $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years. I know a
    good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started
    before everyone figures it out.

    Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay
    taxes every year -- so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two
    years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way
    that I can apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an
    excellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in
    2004 and 2005.

    Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local
    emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have stopped
    paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could
    save almost $10,000 a year. Another benefit in gaining illegal status
    would be that my daughter would receive preferential treatment relative
    to her law school applications, as well as "in-state" tuition rates for
    many colleges throughout the United States for my son.

    Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the burden
    of renewing my driver's license and making those burdensome car
    insurance premiums. This is very important to me given that I still
    have college age children driving my car.

    If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become
    illegal ( retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms,
    I would be most appreciative. Thank you for your assistance.

    Your Loyal Constituent,

    Thanks for that. I'm glad you came back to the board.
    Silly bitch, your weapons cannot harm me. Don't you know who I am? I'm the Juggernaut, Bitchhhh!

    Flies Like An Arrow, Flies Like An Apple
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    344---5--5301---3232

  5. The Drawing Room   -   #5
    limesqueezer's Avatar kwasheni rejtash
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    Yeah i want to become a illegal alien also, but they would tell me im a terrorist probably cause i ain't got enough position.

  6. The Drawing Room   -   #6
    vidcc's Avatar there is no god
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    Hmm.

    Given that generally illegal aliens would be employed well below the federal minimum wage, and according to the republican party it's the poor that have benefitted from massive tax cuts it would appear the $2000 fine would far exceed the amount they would have paid in tax.
    If however the 3 years tax is based on federal minimum wage , which is highly unlikely they were earning, then they would be paying excess tax in relation to capital earned.

    No, you would be better off being an employer of illegal immigrants if saving tax is your goal.
    Employers get a tax pardon for hiring illegal aliens. Under this bill, businesses that hired illegal workers get off scot-free from paying taxes they owe the government.

    From what I could be bothered to read about it the senate bill seems overly flawed, but this chain email is setting its target too low.

    it’s an election with no Democrats, in one of the whitest states in the union, where rich candidates pay $35 for your votes. Or, as Republicans call it, their vision for the future.

  7. The Drawing Room   -   #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by vidcc View Post
    Hmm.

    Given that generally illegal aliens would be employed well below the federal minimum wage, and according to the republican party it's the poor that have benefitted from massive tax cuts it would appear the $2000 fine would far exceed the amount they would have paid in tax.
    If however the 3 years tax is based on federal minimum wage , which is highly unlikely they were earning, then they would be paying excess tax in relation to capital earned.

    No, you would be better off being an employer of illegal immigrants if saving tax is your goal.
    Employers get a tax pardon for hiring illegal aliens. Under this bill, businesses that hired illegal workers get off scot-free from paying taxes they owe the government.

    From what I could be bothered to read about it the senate bill seems overly flawed, but this chain email is setting its target too low.

    ffs, have a laugh and move on, vid.



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  8. The Drawing Room   -   #8
    Busyman™'s Avatar Use Logic Or STFU!
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    Quote Originally Posted by vidcc View Post
    Hmm.

    Given that generally illegal aliens would be employed well below the federal minimum wage, and according to the republican party it's the poor that have benefitted from massive tax cuts it would appear the $2000 fine would far exceed the amount they would have paid in tax.
    If however the 3 years tax is based on federal minimum wage , which is highly unlikely they were earning, then they would be paying excess tax in relation to capital earned.

    No, you would be better off being an employer of illegal immigrants if saving tax is your goal.
    Employers get a tax pardon for hiring illegal aliens. Under this bill, businesses that hired illegal workers get off scot-free from paying taxes they owe the government.

    From what I could be bothered to read about it the senate bill seems overly flawed, but this chain email is setting its target too low.
    Uh yeah...fuck that. I'll take the "don't pay taxes for 2 years of my choosing" bit.

    These Senators are idiots. Fucking ship the fuckers away. Fuck appeasing them they are ILLEGAL ffs.

  9. The Drawing Room   -   #9
    Chewie's Avatar Chew E. Bakke
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    It's remarkable how well spin works, isn't it?
    There isn't a bargepole long enough for me to work on [a Sony Viao] - clocker 2008

  10. The Drawing Room   -   #10
    Skiz's Avatar (_8(I)
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chewie UK View Post
    It's remarkable how well spin works, isn't it?
    Your post leaves one to wonder, which way are you attempting to sway me?



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