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Thread: churches

  1. #1
    baccyman's Avatar n00b BT Rep: +11BT Rep +11BT Rep +11
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    There were four country churches in a small Texas town: The Presbyterian Church, the Baptist Church, the Methodist Church and the Catholic Church. Each church was overrun with pesky squirrels.
    One day, the Presbyterian Church called a meeting to decide what to do about the squirrels. After much prayer and consideration they determined that the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will.

    In the BAPTIST CHURCH the squirrels had taken up habitation in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a cover on the baptistery and drown the squirrels in it. The squirrels escaped somehow and there were twice as many there the next week.

    The Methodist Church got together and decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creation. So, they humanely trapped the squirrels and set them free a few miles outside of town. Three days later, the squirrels were back.

    But -- The Catholic CHURCH came up with the best and most effective solution. They baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter.



    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Two men waiting at the Pearly Gates strike up a conversation. "How'd you die?" the first man asks the second.
    "I froze to death," says the second.

    "That's awful," says the first man. "How does it feel to freeze to death?"

    "It's very uncomfortable at first", says the second man. "You get the shakes, and you get pains in all your fingers and toes. But eventually, it's a very calm way to go. You get numb and you kind of drift off, as if you're sleeping. How about you, how did you die?"

    "I had a heart attack," says the first man. "You see, I knew my wife was cheating on me, so one day I showed up at home unexpectedly. I ran up to the bedroom, and found her alone, knitting. I ran down to the basement, but no one was hiding there, either. I ran up to the second floor, but no one was hiding there either. I ran as fast as I could to the attic, and just as I got there, I had a massive heart attack and died."

    The second man shakes his head. "That's so ironic," he says.

    "What do you mean?" asks the first man.

    "If you had only stopped to look in the freezer, we'd both still be alive."

  2. Funny S**t   -   #2
    Seedler's Avatar T__________________T
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    Quote Originally Posted by baccyman View Post
    There were four country churches in a small Texas town: The Presbyterian Church, the Baptist Church, the Methodist Church and the Catholic Church. Each church was overrun with pesky squirrels.
    One day, the Presbyterian Church called a meeting to decide what to do about the squirrels. After much prayer and consideration they determined that the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will.

    In the BAPTIST CHURCH the squirrels had taken up habitation in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a cover on the baptistery and drown the squirrels in it. The squirrels escaped somehow and there were twice as many there the next week.

    The Methodist Church got together and decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creation. So, they humanely trapped the squirrels and set them free a few miles outside of town. Three days later, the squirrels were back.

    But -- The Catholic CHURCH came up with the best and most effective solution. They baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter.



    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Two men waiting at the Pearly Gates strike up a conversation. "How'd you die?" the first man asks the second.
    "I froze to death," says the second.

    "That's awful," says the first man. "How does it feel to freeze to death?"

    "It's very uncomfortable at first", says the second man. "You get the shakes, and you get pains in all your fingers and toes. But eventually, it's a very calm way to go. You get numb and you kind of drift off, as if you're sleeping. How about you, how did you die?"

    "I had a heart attack," says the first man. "You see, I knew my wife was cheating on me, so one day I showed up at home unexpectedly. I ran up to the bedroom, and found her alone, knitting. I ran down to the basement, but no one was hiding there, either. I ran up to the second floor, but no one was hiding there either. I ran as fast as I could to the attic, and just as I got there, I had a massive heart attack and died."

    The second man shakes his head. "That's so ironic," he says.

    "What do you mean?" asks the first man.

    "If you had only stopped to look in the freezer, we'd both still be alive."
    LMAO @ 2nd one.
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  3. Funny S**t   -   #3
    alive and working

  4. Funny S**t   -   #4
    catholic squirrels, good one

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