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Thread: Funniest joke you've heard?

  1. #1

    Laugh

    I'm lacking good jokes for the Xmas parties that are coming.....put your funniest joke here!

    Here's one i heard recently:

    Two dyslexic skiers are arguing on the top of the slope....

    Andy: "I'm telling you, the instructor said to zig-zag down the hill!!!!"

    Steve: "No, he said zag-zig down the hill, not zig zag!"

    Andy: "Ok, let's ask this guy here with the sledge...excuse me mate, do you zig-zag or zag-zig down the hill?"

    Steve: "Sorry mate, can't help you, i'm a tobogganist"

    Andy: "Oh, nevermind then. I'll have 20 cigarettes and a lighter please."

    Last edited by jimbo12345; 12-04-2006 at 12:52 PM.

  2. Funny S**t   -   #2
    its a bit raciest, no offensive to anyone to this fourm, its just a joke

    What do you say when you see your tv floating in the air at night?



    Put it down, nigga
    The Homicidal,Suicidal,Genocidal

  3. Funny S**t   -   #3
    Chewie's Avatar Chew E. Bakke
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    Quote Originally Posted by jimbo12345 View Post
    I'm lacking good jokes for the Xmas parties that are coming.....put your funniest joke here!

    Here's one i heard recently:

    Two dyslexic skiers are arguing on the top of the slope....

    Andy: "I'm telling you, the instructor said to zig-zag down the hill!!!!"

    Steve: "No, he said zag-zig down the hill, not zig zag!"

    Andy: "Ok, let's ask this guy here with the sledge...excuse me mate, do you zig-zag or zag-zig down the hill?"

    Steve: "Sorry mate, can't help you, i'm a tobogganist"

    Andy: "Oh, nevermind then. I'll have 20 cigarettes and a lighter please."

    Did you hear about the...

    ...dyslexic devil-worshipper who sold his soul to Santa?

    ...dyslexic drug abuser who died choking on his own Vimto?

    Sorry for any offence.
    I used to be dyslexic, but I'm alright own.
    There isn't a bargepole long enough for me to work on [a Sony Viao] - clocker 2008

  4. Funny S**t   -   #4
    Chewie's Avatar Chew E. Bakke
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    My favourite...

    Today's the 70th anniversary of the invention of cat's-eyes.
    The inventor got the idea for them when, as he was leaving his house one evening, he saw his pet cat's eyes shining in the dark as it came toward him.
    Just think, if it had been walking away from him he would have invented the pencil sharpener.


    Thank you, Mr Frank Carson.
    There isn't a bargepole long enough for me to work on [a Sony Viao] - clocker 2008

  5. Funny S**t   -   #5
    DanB's Avatar Smoke weed everyday
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    A good one is

    What do you call a black man flying a plane?


    A pilot you racist!!

  6. Funny S**t   -   #6
    Quote Originally Posted by DanB View Post
    A good one is

    What do you call a black man flying a plane?


    A pilot you racist!!

    hehe...very good! Though i need a few jokes i can tell my colleagues, without fear of being called racist/sexist/ageist/istist...

    BTW, i am dyslexic...so if i offended anyone with the joke, i also offended myself.

    What does DNA stand for??
    ?








    National Dyslexic Association

  7. Funny S**t   -   #7
    love this one:

    When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C. The Russians used a pencil.

  8. Funny S**t   -   #8
    Quote Originally Posted by jepson99 View Post
    love this one:

    When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C. The Russians used a pencil.
    Hahaha....it wouldnt be so funny if it wasn't true!

    USA hey....can't see the wood for the trees.

  9. Funny S**t   -   #9

    Unsure

    Quote Originally Posted by Chewie UK View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by jimbo12345 View Post
    I'm lacking good jokes for the Xmas parties that are coming.....put your funniest joke here!

    Here's one i heard recently:

    Two dyslexic skiers are arguing on the top of the slope....

    Andy: "I'm telling you, the instructor said to zig-zag down the hill!!!!"

    Steve: "No, he said zag-zig down the hill, not zig zag!"

    Andy: "Ok, let's ask this guy here with the sledge...excuse me mate, do you zig-zag or zag-zig down the hill?"

    Steve: "Sorry mate, can't help you, i'm a tobogganist"

    Andy: "Oh, nevermind then. I'll have 20 cigarettes and a lighter please."

    Did you hear about the...

    ...dyslexic devil-worshipper who sold his soul to Santa?

    ...dyslexic drug abuser who died choking on his own Vimto?

    Sorry for any offence.
    I used to be dyslexic, but I'm alright own.
    I dont get the Vimto one?

  10. Funny S**t   -   #10
    Barbarossa's Avatar mostly harmless
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    Quote Originally Posted by jimbo12345 View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by jepson99 View Post
    love this one:

    When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C. The Russians used a pencil.
    Hahaha....it wouldnt be so funny if it wasn't true!

    USA hey....can't see the wood for the trees.
    It's not true, it's a very famous "urban myth"

    http://www.snopes.com/business/genius/spacepen.asp

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