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Thread: penguins

  1. #1
    baccyman's Avatar n00b BT Rep: +11BT Rep +11BT Rep +11
    Join Date
    Oct 2002
    A police officer sees a man driving around with a pickup truck full of penguins. He pulls the guy over and says, "You can't drive around with penguins in this town! Take them to the zoo immediately."
    The guy says okay, and drives away. The next day, the officer sees the guy still driving around with the truck full of penguins -- and they're all wearing sunglasses. He pulls the guy over and demands, "I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo yesterday?" The guy replies, "I did. Today I'm taking them to the beach!"
    A Christian, a Moslem, and a Jewish man, all very pious, met at an interfaith congress and got to talking about the experiences that had lead to their religious devotion.
    The Christian recounted being on a plane when it ran into a terrible storm over a remote wilderness area. "There was lightening and thunder all around us. The pilot told us to brace for the crash. I dropped to my knees and prayed to God to save us. Then for a thousand feet all around us the wind calmed and the rain stopped. We made it to the airport. And since then my faith has never wavered."

    The Moslem then told of a terrifying incident on his pilgrimage to Mecca. "A tremendous sandstorm came up out of nowhere, and within minutes my camel and I were almost buried. Sure I was going to die, I prostrated myself toward Mecca and prayed to Allah to deliver me. And suddenly, for a thousand feet all around me, the swirling dust settled and I was able to make my way safely across the desert. Since then I have been the most devout of believers."

    Nodding respectfully, the Jewish man then told his story. "One Sabbath I was walking back from the temple when I saw a huge sack of money just lying there at the edge of the road. It had clearly been abandoned, and I felt it was mine to take home. But obviously this would have been a violation of the Sabbath. So I dropped to my knees and prayed to Yahweh. And suddenly, for a thousand feet all around me, it was Tuesday."
    Eddie was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 4 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE".
    The next morning Eddie got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a small box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

    .....Funeral services for Eddie have been scheduled for Friday
    A man came up with a new invention, a vibrating tampon.
    That way a woman can be at her best when she is at her worst.
    A man walked into a bar and with a disconcerted look on his face immediately called out, "Who is the owner of that Saint Bernard tied up outside?" Another man looked over and replied, "It's mine. His name's Rudy. Why do you ask?"
    The first man walked up to him, put an arm on his shouldner and said, "I'm sorry, but my dog just killed your dog."

    The owner of the dog was shocked. "Are you kidding me?! It's a Saint Bernard! That dog is huge! He's bigger than my car!"

    The first man nodded in agreement and then said:

    "Well, he choked on my Chihuahua."

  2. Funny S**t   -   #2
    maebach's Avatar Team FST Captain
    Join Date
    May 2005
    burlington, Ontario
    great baccyman, but I dont get the 2nd one


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