Your Ad Here Your Ad Here
Results 1 to 7 of 7

Thread: Mr.Murphy.

  1. #1
    baccyman's Avatar n00b BT Rep: +11BT Rep +11BT Rep +11
    Join Date
    Oct 2002
    Location
    u.k.
    Age
    63
    Posts
    1,697
    A man is having a few drinks at a bar when he looks over and notices a drunk guy passed out at a table nearby. The bartender tells him the drunk is Mr. Murphy and asks the man if he could drive Mr. Murphy home. Being a good Samaritan, the man agrees. The bartender writes down the address and gives it to him. The man walks over and tries to wake Mr. Murphy but Mr. Murphy is groggy and quite drunk. The man helps Mr. Murphy to his feet and Mr. Murphy falls to the floor in a heap. "Jeez," the man says wondering how anyone could drink so much. He takes Murphy by the arm and practically drags him out to the car. Once there he leans him against the side of his car while he looks for his keys. Mr. Murphy slides down to the ground. The man finds his keys and manages to get Murphy positioned in the car. He then drives to the address the bartender gave him. He opens the passenger door and helps Mr. Murphy out and the guy falls to the ground. Cursing softly now, the man helps him to his feet and practically drags him to the front door. He lets go of Mr. Murphy to knock on the door and the guy falls down again. He helps him to his feet as Mrs. Murphy answers the door. "Hi, Mrs. Murphy? Your husband had a little too much to drink tonight so I gave him a ride home." "That was nice of you," she says, looking around, "But....where's his wheelchair?"
    ----------------------------------------------------------------
    After just a few years of marriage filled with constant arguments, a young man and his wife decided the only way to save their marriage was to try counseling. They had been at each other's throats for some time and felt that this was their last straw.
    When they arrived at the counsellor's office, the counselor jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion. "What seems to be the problem?" Immediately, the husband held his long face down without anything to say.

    In contrast, the wife began talking 90 miles an hour, describing all the wrongs within their marriage. After 15 minutes of listening to the wife, the counselor went over to her, picked her up by her shoulders, kissed her passionately and sat her back down.

    Afterwards, the wife sat speechless.

    The marriage counselor looked over at the husband, who stared in disbelief. The counselor said to the husband, "Your wife NEEDS that at least twice a week!" The husband scratched his head and replied:

    "I can have her here on Tuesdays and Thursdays."
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    An old man turned 115 and was being interviewed by a reporter for the local paper. During the interview the reporter noticed that the yard was full of children of all ages playing together. A very pretty girl of about 19 served the old man and the reporter, keeping them in fresh tea and running errands for them.
    "Are these your grandkids?" the reporter asked.

    "Naw, sir, they all be my younguns," the old man replied with a sly grin.

    "Your kids?" said the reporter. "What about this beautiful young lady who keeps bringing us tea? Is she one of your children too?"

    "Naw, sir," said the old man. "She be my wife."

    "Your wife?" said the surprised reporter. "But she can't be more than 19 years old."

    "Thass right," said the old man with pride.

    "Well, surely you can't have a sex life with you being 115 and she being only 19," the reporter remarked.

    "Naw, sir, " said the old man. "We have sex every night. Every night two of my boys helps me on it, and every morning six of my boys helps me off."

    "Wait just one minute," said the newspaperman. "Why does it only take two of your boys to put you on, but it takes six of them to take you off?"

    "Cause," the spry old man said with a balled fist, "I fights 'em."

  2. Funny S**t   -   #2
    Seedler's Avatar T__________________T
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    4,644
    @ #2/
    Biostar XE T5
    i5-750 @ 4.0 GHZ stable (CM Hyper 212)
    2 x 2GB Cosair XMS3 DDR3 1600MHZ
    Radeon 5850 @ 866/1254MHZ
    Intel X25-M in RAID 0
    WD Caviar Black 2TB in RAID 0
    3 x Asus 25.5" VW266H LCD [Eyefinity]

  3. Funny S**t   -   #3
    maebach's Avatar Team FST Captain
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    burlington, Ontario
    Posts
    5,341
    I didnt get the last one, but the other 2 were good.

  4. Funny S**t   -   #4
    baccyman's Avatar n00b BT Rep: +11BT Rep +11BT Rep +11
    Join Date
    Oct 2002
    Location
    u.k.
    Age
    63
    Posts
    1,697
    he didn't want to get of his woman so he was fighting them

  5. Funny S**t   -   #5
    n00b BT Rep: +1
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    22

  6. Funny S**t   -   #6
    n00b BT Rep: +1
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    22
    thnks

  7. Funny S**t   -   #7
    Poster BT Rep: +2
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Posts
    47
    tNX mate

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •