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Thread: What's your best sheep joke?

  1. #1
    MagicNakor's Avatar On the Peripheral
    Join Date
    Nov 2002
    I'm especially looking forward to the contributions from our Scottish, Welsh, Aussie, and Kiwi friends.

    Just look at those bedroom eyes. You have your muse.

    things are quiet until hitler decides he'd like to invade russia
    so, he does
    the russians are like "OMG WTF D00DZ, STOP TKING"
    and the germans are still like "omg ph34r n00bz"
    the russians fall back, all the way to moscow
    and then they all begin h4xing, which brings on the russian winter
    the germans are like "wtf, h4x"
    -- WW2 for the l33t

  2. Lounge   -   #2
    Alien5's Avatar μετά BT Rep: +6BT Rep +6
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Two sheep herders are flying the herd to a new farm. Suddenly, the engine fails and the plane begins to fall quickly to the ground. SH1: Quick! Grab a parachute and jump! SH2: What about the sheep?!? SH1: Fuck the sheep!!!! SH2: (pause) Do you think we have time?

  3. Lounge   -   #3
    Seedler's Avatar T__________________T
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    Oct 2005
    ew sickly joke.
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  4. Lounge   -   #4
    snowultra's Avatar Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    a vantriliquist goes to new zeland, and stops off at a farm. he thought he would play a game on the local farmer. so he walks up the farmer and says can i talk to your dog? the farmer says dogs dont talk --stupid! so the vantriliquist asks the dog how he being treated, then the vantriliquist throws his voice and the dog says he gets feed everyday, he pets me, and i can chase birds. the farmer cant believe it. so vantriliquist talks the horse to the horse and throws his voice. the horse says he gets feed everyday, he brushs me, and we go for rides out in the field. the farmer is in disbelief. then the vantriliquist asks if he can talk to the sheep out in the field. the farmer jumps up and says sheep lie!!!!

  5. Lounge   -   #5
    manker's Avatar effendi
    Join Date
    May 2004
    I wear an Even Steven wit
    Whatcha call a sheep tied to a lampost in Wales?

    Spoiler: Show
    I plan on beating him to death with his kids. I'll use them as a bludgeon on his face. -

    --Good for them if they survive.

  6. Lounge   -   #6
    Barbarossa's Avatar mostly harmless
    Join Date
    Jun 2002
    Over here!
    Baa baa baa-baa baaaaaa baa baa baa-baa baaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?

    Baa-baa-baa baa bababaa, baa-baa baa-baa bababaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

    We may not understand it, but it has the sheep round our way in stitches.

  7. Lounge   -   #7
    Gripper's Avatar Dexter's Apprentice.
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Mansfield, Nottinghamshir
    There was this cowboy named Jake who got himself fired from his job at the ranch. He was out of work for a while, then started to get hungry. So he swallowed his pride, and went to the other ranch in those parts to ask for work--it was a sheep ranch. They hired him, of course, not too many cowboys wanted to herd sheep. The first night he was there, the other cowboys there woke him up.
    "Get up, boy," they said."It's time for your initiation!"
    "Initiation! But how bad could it be," he thought to himself. "Afterall, they were a bunch of sheep tenders!"
    So they took him out back of the sheep-pen, and he saw all the other guys lined up waiting.
    "Go on," they said, "Boy, it's time you showed you were a REAL man!"
    "Huh?" he said.
    "That's right," they said, pointing at the sheep, "Show us you're a real man."
    "Oh, no," he thought, "they couldn't possibly want him to..."but then he really needed the job. So he squared his shoulders and went and picked out a sheep. He led it behind the shed. After a moment, the others were rewarded by the sounds of, "Baaaah BAAAAH..."
    A couple of minutes later the cowboy came back out, buttoning his pants, to see the other guys all laughing at him.
    "Oh, great," he thought, "now I've really been had." "So, what?" he said, "Was I not supposed do that with the sheep?"
    "That's not it," they laughed. "It's just that you picked out an ugly one."

    Why do Scotsman wear kilts

    So the sheep can't hear the zipper.

    All spelling mistakes and grammatical errors in my post's are intentional.

  8. Lounge   -   #8
    Skweeky's Avatar Manker's web totty
    Join Date
    Dec 2002
    I always found it striking that everyone else in the world thinks the Scottish shag sheep....
    except for the Scottish, who are adamant it's the Welsh

  9. Lounge   -   #9
    Barbarossa's Avatar mostly harmless
    Join Date
    Jun 2002
    Over here!
    The Scottish shag the Welsh

  10. Lounge   -   #10
    A farmer buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool.

    After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant, so he phones a vet for help. The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination.

    The farmer doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the sheep are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and instead will lie down and wallow in grass when they are pregnant.

    The man hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the sheep himself. So, he loads the sheep into his truck, drives them out into the woods for privacy, shags them all, brings them back, and goes to bed.

    Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he deduces that the first try didn't take, and loads them in the truck again. He drives them out to the woods, bangs each sheep twice for good measure, brings them back, and goes to bed exhausted.

    Next morning, he wakes to find the sheep still just standing round. "Try again," he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up, and drive them out to the woods He spends all day shagging the sheep and upon returning home, falls exhausted into bed.

    The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look out of the window. He asks his wife to look, and tell him if the sheep are lying in the grass.

    "No," she says, "they're all in the truck, and one of them is beeping the horn."

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