Job Interview!

[WeeMouse]

Yay me! I got a letter this morning telling me that I have an interview for a place in an Administration Modern Apprenticeship at Glasgow Uni (yeehaw&#33

There's only 2 wee problems...

1) it's on the morning of the 21st - a very special date in all Glasgwegiens' calenders! I may be too nervous about the game to do well in the interview! It's also the day that all of my friends (Except 1 - and she's escorting me to Glasgow Uni) sit their Higher/Adv Higher Maths...I'll be worried about them!

2) I cut my right humb on a very evil can of dog food...it's making my typing very slow, but as well as a solo interview and a group interview, i have a word processing test to do...


But apart from those weeny problems, i think I've got a pretty good shot!

[FuNkY CaPrIcOrN]

Gratulations and good luck.

[WeeMouse]

Aww thanks FC!



You're a wee sweety pie!

Another good thing I just found out - I get to go see a flat in the City Centre with My brother and his Girlfiend (we're all moving out together) and if we like it, we'll probably be moving out at the start of July!

But shhhhhhh - don't tell my mum and dad...they won't get told until it's all finalised!

[Darth Sushi]

I hope you land the job, WeeMouse. I once had an interviewer ask me to tell him a joke. I almost choked since most of the jokes I knew were either dirty or crude so alway keep a good, politically correct joke on hand.

Goodluck

[WeeMouse]

Thanx man! Heehee i got a few crap jokes...the 2nd one's probably the best to say tho...

One day in the future, George Bush has a heart attack and dies. He
immediately goes to ... hell, where the devil is waiting for him.

"I don't know what to do," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I
have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you
what I'm going to do. I've got some folks here who weren't quite as bad
as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll
even let YOU decide who leaves."

Bush thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the first
room.

In it was Ronald Reagan and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and
surfacing empty handed. Over and over and over. Such was his fate in
hell.

"No," George said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and I don't
think I could do that all day long."

The devil led him to the next room. In it was Richard Nixon with a
sledge hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that
hammer, time after time after time.

"No, I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant
agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," commented George.

The devil opened a third door. In it, Bush saw Bill Clinton, lying on
the floor with his arms staked over his head, and his legs staked in a
spread eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she
does best.

Bush took this in disbelief and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this."


The devil smiled and said "OK, Monica, you're free to go."




Tony Blair is visiting an Edinburgh hospital. He enters a ward full of
patients with no obvious sign of injury or illness, and greets the
patient in the first bed.

The patient replies, "Fair fa' your honest sonsie face, Great chieftain
o' the puddin' race, Aboon them a' you take your place, Painch, tripe or
thairm, As lang's my airm."

Confused, Blair grins and moves on to the next patient. The second
patient responds: "Some hae meat and canna eat, And some wad eat that
want it, But we hae meat and we can eat, So let the Lord be thankit."

Even more confused, and his grin now rictus-like, the PM moves on to the
next patient, who immediately begins to chant: ¨"Wee sleekit, cowerin',
timorous beastie, Thou needna' start awa' sae hastie, Wi' bickering
brattle."

Now seriously troubled, Blair turns to the accompanying doctor and asks,
"What kind of facility is this? A mental ward?" "No," replies the
doctor. "This is the serious Burns unit."

[Buffalo]

Good luck WeeMouse, Just be cool from Barry @

[DarthInsinuate]

is the second one a scottish joke, because i don't get it

i get the first one though

[WeeMouse]

ooops sorry i forgot some of you might not get it!

All of the patients are reciting Rabbie Burns, the scottish poet's work...my deputy headmaster actually told me this as I was trying to set up a coffee morning for most of the headteachers in Glasgow and I had to duck behind a table cos i was laughing/groaning so much at that joke!

[amphoteric88]

removed

[WeeMouse]

Ta much!


>Defense Attorney: What is your age?
>
>Little old Woman: I am 86 years old.
>
>Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened to
you?
>
>Little old Woman: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch
on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping upon the porch and
sat down beside me.
>
>Defense Attorney: Did you know him?
>
>Little old Woman: No, but he sure was friendly.
>
>Defense Attorney: What happened after he sat down?
>
>Little old Woman: He started to rub my thigh.
>
>Defense Attorney: Did you stop him?
>
>Little old Woman: No, I didn't stop him.
>
>Defense Attorney: Why not?
>
>Little old Woman: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Abner passed
away some 30 years ago.
>
>Defense Attorney: What happened next?
>
>Little old Woman: He began to rub my breasts.
>
>Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then?
>
>Little old Woman: No, I did not stop him.
>
>Defense Attorney: Why not?
>
>Little old Woman: Why, Your Honor, his rubbing made me feel all alive and
excited. I haven't felt that good in years!
>
>Defense Attorney: What happened next?
>
>Little old Woman: Well, I was feeling so spicy that I just laid down and
said to him... "Take me ...young man...Take me!"
>
>Defense Attorney: Did he take you?
>
>Little old Woman: Hell, no. He just yelled, "April Fool!" ...And that's
when I shot the little bastard!

I know i can't tell that one, but I like it!


One day a little girl came home from school, and said to her mother, "Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn't do."

The mother exclaimed, "But that's terrible! I'm going to have a talk with your teacher about this! By the way, what was it that you didn't do?"

The little girl replied, "My homework.