Speeding Ticket

[clocker]

Woman: Is there a problem, officer ?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding. May I see your driver's 'license, please ?

Woman: I'd give it to you, but I don't have one.

Officer: You have no driver's license ?

Woman: Lost it four times for drunk driving.

Officer: Oh. May I see your vehicle registration, please ?

Woman: Sorry... I can't do that.

Officer: Why not ?

Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: You stole this car ?

Woman: Yes. And I killed the owner and hacked up his body.

Officer: You what ?

Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see for yourself. The policeman stares at the woman, then slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes, five police cars screech to a halt encircling the stopped car. A senior officer warily approaches the woman, clasping his half-drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, would you please step out of your vehicle.

Woman: Is there a problem, sir ?

Officer 2: The other officer reported that you stole this car and murdered the owner.

Woman: Murdered the owner ?

Officer 2: Yes, would you please open the trunk of your car ? The woman opens the trunk. It is empty.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is stunned.

Officer 2: The other officer claims that you do not have a driver's license.

The woman digs into her handbag, pulls out a wallet, removes a driver’s license and gives it to the officer. The officer examines it closely, looking puzzled.

Officer 2: I must admit, ma'am, that I'm confused. The other officer told me you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered the owner.

Woman: I suppose the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too !

[Bender]

Hahaha - didn't see it coming!

[Spicker]

lol if anyone tries that temme how it goes lol

[Riddler]

On the other hand.................how to make absolutely certain that you'll get written up :

A man gets pulled over for speeding and the cop leans in the window and asks:
" Do you know how fast you were going sir ? " The man says; " Uh, no officer, I'm afraid my speedometer is broken and I was on my way to the shop to get it fixed."
His wife, in the passenger seat reading a novel, without looking up says; " Don't lie, George, you just finished telling me how impressed you were at the our car's top speed......100mph wasn't it ? " George says; " For Chrissakes Margaret, why don't you just bury your face in that stupid book and SHUT UP ?! " The cop says; " Can I see your license, please,sir ? " George says; " Oh, I'm sorry officer, I think I left it in my other pants at home. " Margaret pipes up; " Come on now, George, you KNOW you let that thing expire 2 weeks ago and you just didn't feel like renewing it. " George blows his top and yells; " You FUCKING BITCH ! Didn't I just tell you to shut your Goddamn mouth ?! Why do you have to be so FUCKING STUPID ????? " The cop, who's ears are turning red from listening to George's outburst says; " Ma'am, it's not really any of my business but, does your husband ALWAYS talk to you like that ? " Margaret finally looks up from her book and calmly says; " Oh, no officer...........only when he's been drinking. "

[Nimdock]

I'd kill her... that simple!

[Champ]

excuse me officer could you hold my beer while i put away my gun and unchalk my liscense?