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Thread: I've Been Burgled!

  1. #1
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    Came home from work and found the front door open (had been kicked in). Strange thing was at first glance nothing seemed to be missing. Tv, vid microwave, steam-cleaner, pc, all seemed to be present and correct.

    Then I checked the garden and shock horror.. found that some fucker had rolled up and stolen me Astro Turf, then had bust open me shed door and nicked me shiny new Astro Turf Flymo complete with no blade!
    I'm pretty miffed I can tell ya. It was only laid on Tuesday and it cost me a b*stard fortune.

    I have my suspicions!!
    My next-door neighbour - he's the one I mentioned in my post yesterday - the one who commented on the attractive appearance of my lush lawn - suddenly and mysteriously now has a very attractive and lush lawn himself.

    Coincidence eh? Like f*ck! That's my plastic grass that is! Well two can play that game - I'm gonna mow it for the bastard with me Qualcast Concord Cylinder complete with blade!

    No one f*cks with the Fugs!

    Sorry about the lingo mods but me is well cross!
    <span style='font-size:14pt;line-height:100%'><span style='color:red'>Mr Hand&#39;s Busy Right Now&#33; So Talk To Mr FOOKIN FINGER&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;</span></span>

  2. Lounge   -   #2
    WeeMouse's Avatar Small and Squeaky
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    Beat him to death with a bit of stale bread&#33; That&#39;ll hurt&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;


    Or set me and Skweeky and NikkiD on him...

  3. Lounge   -   #3
    Illuminati's Avatar Simple Bystander BT Rep: +7BT Rep +7
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    That&#39;s it - Shred the lawn, cut it up. Be a good neighbour - Set fire to it as well, just to take out the weeds.

    <Illuminati pushes away his recenty-acquired plastic lawn and Flymo out of fugley&#39;s sight> :-"


  4. Lounge   -   #4
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    Originally posted by WeeMouse@26 June 2003 - 21:44
    Beat him to death with a bit of stale bread&#33; That&#39;ll hurt&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;


    Or set me and Skweeky and NikkiD on him...
    grgrgrggrgrgrgrgrgrgrowl&#33;
    <span style='font-size:14pt;line-height:100%'><span style='color:red'>Mr Hand&#39;s Busy Right Now&#33; So Talk To Mr FOOKIN FINGER&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;</span></span>

  5. Lounge   -   #5
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    Originally posted by Illuminati@26 June 2003 - 21:46
    That&#39;s it - Shred the lawn, cut it up. Be a good neighbour - Set fire to it as well, just to take out the weeds.

    <Illuminati pushes away his recenty-acquired plastic lawn and Flymo out of fugley&#39;s sight> :-"
    It&#39;s a bloody conspiracy&#33;
    <span style='font-size:14pt;line-height:100%'><span style='color:red'>Mr Hand&#39;s Busy Right Now&#33; So Talk To Mr FOOKIN FINGER&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;</span></span>

  6. Lounge   -   #6
    WeeMouse's Avatar Small and Squeaky
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    Oh Curley too...that whip

    Poor guy won&#39;t know what&#39;s hit him&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;

  7. Lounge   -   #7
    crazy_billy_bats's Avatar Poster
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    I suggest instead of the plastic turds, take your own excrement in a plastic bag(bout 3 days worth will do) and fling it at his windows or when he attempts to leave the house for work in the morning.
    possibly when he returns from work as the embarrassment factor is hightened. You could also play some Benny Hill tunes or something to that effect from your casette player while you commit this henous act.
    This demoralises him, and shocks him. You can then run up to him and bludgeon him with a blunt odject, and steal your turf back.

    No need to worry so much fugs you stupid f*ck ya

  8. Lounge   -   #8
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    Originally posted by crazy_billy_bats@26 June 2003 - 21:53
    I suggest instead of the plastic turds, take your own excrement in a plastic bag(bout 3 days worth will do) and fling it at his windows or when he attempts to leave the house for work in the morning.
    possibly when he returns from work as the embarrassment factor is hightened. You could also play some Benny Hill tunes or something to that effect from your casette player while you commit this henous act.
    This demoralises him, and shocks him. You can then run up to him and bludgeon him with a blunt odject, and steal your turf back.

    No need to worry so much fugs you stupid f*ck ya
    <span style='font-size:14pt;line-height:100%'><span style='color:red'>Mr Hand&#39;s Busy Right Now&#33; So Talk To Mr FOOKIN FINGER&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;</span></span>

  9. Lounge   -   #9
    Coincidence eh? Like f*ck&#33; That&#39;s my plastic grass that is&#33; Well two can play that game - I&#39;m gonna mow it for the bastard with me Qualcast Concord Cylinder complete with blade&#33;
    LOL

  10. Lounge   -   #10
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    By the way welcome back Wee Mouse.



    grumble grumble grumble&#33;
    <span style='font-size:14pt;line-height:100%'><span style='color:red'>Mr Hand&#39;s Busy Right Now&#33; So Talk To Mr FOOKIN FINGER&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;</span></span>

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