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Thread: New Official E.u. Language

  1. #1
    j2k4's Avatar en(un)lightened
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    The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been
    reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European
    communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility. As
    part of the negotiations, the British government conceded that English
    spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year
    phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short).

    In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c". Sertainly,
    sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also, the hard "c" will
    be replaced with "k". Not only will this klear up konfusion, but
    typewriters kan have one less letter.

    There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the
    > troublesome "ph" will be replaced by "f". This will make words like
    "fotograf" 20 per sent shorter.

    In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted
    to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
    Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have
    always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the
    horible mes of silent "e"s in the languag is disgrasful, and they would
    go.

    By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as
    replasing "th" by "z" and "w" by " v".

    During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan b e dropd from vords
    kontaining "ou", and similar changes vud of kurs be aplid to ozer
    kombinations of leters. Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking
    German like zey vunted in ze forst place!!!
    “Think about how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of 'em are stupider than that.” -George Carlin

  2. Lounge   -   #2
    MagicNakor's Avatar On the Peripheral
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    Although I've seen it many times before, it's humourous, but really j2k4, it's not three posts worth of humourous.

    things are quiet until hitler decides he'd like to invade russia
    so, he does
    the russians are like "OMG WTF D00DZ, STOP TKING"
    and the germans are still like "omg ph34r n00bz"
    the russians fall back, all the way to moscow
    and then they all begin h4xing, which brings on the russian winter
    the germans are like "wtf, h4x"
    -- WW2 for the l33t

  3. Lounge   -   #3
    j2k4's Avatar en(un)lightened
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    Originally posted by MagicNakor@28 June 2003 - 04:02
    Although I've seen it many times before, it's humourous, but really j2k4, it's not three posts worth of humourous.

    'Twas a tragic occurrence.

    I was waiting patiently for the board to cooperate (it was being "sticky") and wasn't aware of the extent it would go to appease me.

    My apologies, and thanks to whichever mod attended the problem for me.
    “Think about how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of 'em are stupider than that.” -George Carlin

  4. Lounge   -   #4
    Illuminati's Avatar Simple Bystander BT Rep: +7BT Rep +7
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    Sertainly, it's very humurus j2k4. I wuldn't say komical, but very humurus. Maybe yu kan zen tell the popl abut Euro-filosofy next ven yu kan


  5. Lounge   -   #5
    j2k4's Avatar en(un)lightened
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    Originally posted by Illuminati@28 June 2003 - 15:03
    Sertainly, it's very humurus j2k4.  I wuldn't say komical, but very humurus.  Maybe yu kan zen tell the popl abut Euro-filosofy next ven yu kan
    ze filosofy expozay vil be publist next vek.

    I should note-if the board hadn't crapped out on me, there would not have been 4 (FOUR) editions of this post, and the one that made it to the board would have been properly credited as an adjunct to an e-mail I received from my cousin in Napoli.
    “Think about how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of 'em are stupider than that.” -George Carlin

  6. Lounge   -   #6
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    Are you serious?
    Are they really gonna do that?
    I'm shocked that the English of all people would accept something like this.
    English professors the world over must be cringing at the very thought of this.
    My sensibilities are offended and I'm just your average dude.
    Do you think the Germans are pissed we didn't choose it as our official language and their tired of coming in second.
    I can't remember the vote exactly, but I think it was pretty close.

    Btw j2 that was an excellent presentation.
    Very funny too!

  7. Lounge   -   #7
    MagicNakor's Avatar On the Peripheral
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    No. I have an older version of this same one with a somewhat different beginning.

    things are quiet until hitler decides he'd like to invade russia
    so, he does
    the russians are like "OMG WTF D00DZ, STOP TKING"
    and the germans are still like "omg ph34r n00bz"
    the russians fall back, all the way to moscow
    and then they all begin h4xing, which brings on the russian winter
    the germans are like "wtf, h4x"
    -- WW2 for the l33t

  8. Lounge   -   #8
    j2k4's Avatar en(un)lightened
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    Originally posted by ShockAndAwe^i^@28 June 2003 - 23:20

    Are you serious?
    Are they really gonna do that?
    I'm shocked that the English of all people would accept something like this.
    English professors the world over must be cringing at the very thought of this.
    My sensibilities are offended and I'm just your average dude.
    Do you think the Germans are pissed we didn't choose it as our official language and their tired of coming in second.
    I can't remember the vote exactly, but I think it was pretty close.

    Btw j2 that was an excellent presentation.
    Very funny too!
    Regretfully, I cannot claim credit; as MN says, it has been around for awhile.

    I thought it deserved a requiem due to recent events.
    “Think about how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of 'em are stupider than that.” -George Carlin

  9. Lounge   -   #9
    Originally posted by ShockAndAwe^i^
    I'm shocked that the English of all people would accept something like this.
    After having to accept American 'English' we can accept just about anything.

  10. Lounge   -   #10
    clocker's Avatar Shovel Ready
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    Originally posted by evilbagpuss@30 June 2003 - 21:41


    After having to accept American 'English' we can accept just about anything.
    Excellent!

    Wait till you see what we have planned for you next...
    "I am the one who knocks."- Heisenberg

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