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Thread: Speeding On The Bridge

  1. #1
    hippychick's Avatar Memo, what memo? BT Rep: +5
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    Bob, a lawyer, was driving home over the Golden Gate Bridge after spending a great day on the ocean fishing. His catch, cleaned and filleted, was wrapped in newspaper on the passenger-side floor. He was late getting home and was speeding... Wouldn't you know that a cop jumped out, radar gun in hand, and motioned him to the side of the bridge. Bob pulled over like a good citizen.

    The cop walked up to the window and said, "You know how fast you were going, boy?"

    Bob thought for a second and said, "Uh, 60?"

    "67 miles per hour, son! 67 miles per hour in a 55 zone!" said the cop.

    "But if you already knew, officer," replied Bob, "why did you ask me?"

    Fuming over Bob's answer, the officer growled and said in his sarcastic fashion, "That's speeding, and you're getting a ticket and a fine!"

    The cop took a good close look at Bob in his stained fishing attire and said, "You don't even look like you have a job! Why, I've never seen anyone so scruffy in my entire life!"

    Bob answered, "I've got a job! I have a good, well-paying job!"

    The cop leaned in the window, smelling Bob's fish, and said, "What kind of job would a bum like you have?"

    "I'm a rectum stretcher!" replied Bob.

    "What did you say, boy?" asked the patrolman.

    "I'm a rectum stretcher!"

    The cop, scratching his head, asked, "What does a rectum stretcher do?"

    Bob explained, "People call me up and say they need to be stretched, so I go over to their house. I start with a couple of fingers, then a couple more, then one whole hand, and then two. Then I slowly pull them farther and farther apart until it's a full six feet across."

    The cop, absorbed with these bizarre images in his mind, asked, "What the hell do you do with a six-foot asshole?"

    Bob said, "You give him a radar gun and place him by a bridge!"

  2. Funny S**t   -   #2
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    I don't get it

  3. Funny S**t   -   #3
    BawA's Avatar FST Pioneer BT Rep: +1
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    Quote Originally Posted by zaa730 View Post
    I don't get it
    what the fuck is wrong with you, are you stupid or 5 year old kid?
    stay out of this section if you cant get any joke, your the kind who needs colored cartoons with caption to get a joke.
    TBH i didnt get this joke either but i dont go writing about it, well i did to trow a point.


    "You can be mad as a mad dog at the way things went; you can swear and curse the fates, but when it comes to the end, you have to let go"
    Benjamen button

  4. Funny S**t   -   #4
    Barbarossa's Avatar mostly harmless
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    Quote Originally Posted by BawA View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by zaa730 View Post
    I don't get it
    what the fuck is wrong with you, are you stupid or 5 year old kid?
    stay out of this section if you cant get any joke, your the kind who needs colored cartoons with caption to get a joke.
    TBH i didnt get this joke either but i dont go writing about it, well i did to trow a point.
    Fucking quality


  5. Funny S**t   -   #5
    10 HUT! BT Rep: +35BT Rep +35BT Rep +35BT Rep +35BT Rep +35BT Rep +35BT Rep +35
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    I think I might actually tell this one IRL to people. Thanks!

  6. Funny S**t   -   #6
    Defy's Avatar Be Kind BT Rep: +7BT Rep +7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Barbarossa View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by BawA View Post

    what the fuck is wrong with you, are you stupid or 5 year old kid?
    stay out of this section if you cant get any joke, your the kind who needs colored cartoons with caption to get a joke.
    TBH i didnt get this joke either but i dont go writing about it, well i did to trow a point.
    Fucking quality

    Lol I said similar in a previous joke thread...

    Damn lawyers and their smooth-talk tactics! Although he had him there.

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