Twas the night before christmas
and all through the house,
everyone felt shitty,
even the mouse.
Mom at the whorehouse,
dad smoking grass;
I'd just settle down
for a nice piece of ass.
Out on the lawn,
I heard such a clatter.
I sprung for my piece
to see what was the matter.
When out on the lawn,
I saw a big dick.
I knew in a minute,
it must be St. Nick.
He came down the chimney
like a bat out of hell.
I knew in a moment,
the fucker had fell.
He stuffed all our stockings
with pretzels and beer,
and a big rubber dick
for my brother the queer.
He rose up the chimney
with a thunderous fart.
that son of a bitch
blew my chimney apart.
He swore and he cursed
as he rode away,
piss on you all
and have a hell of a day!
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