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Thread: Good joke IMHO

  1. #1
    Cat Lover or Not, this is hysterical!

    We've all had trouble with our animals, but I don't think anyone can top this one:
    Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying.
    On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on the top of my head. The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty.
    Initially, the new acquisition was no problem.

    Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen.
    'Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it.'
    'You know where the button is,' I protested through the shower pitter-patter and steam. 'Reset it yourself!'
    'But I'm scared!' she persisted. 'What if it starts going and sucks me in?'
    There was a meaningful pause and then, 'C'mon, it'll only take you a second.'
    So out I came, dripping wet and butt naked, hoping that my silent outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behavior as extremely cowardly.
    Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last action I remember performing.

    It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances. No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling objects she spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the precise moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws. I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my masculine region.
    Wild animals are sometimes faced with a 'fight or flight' syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the 'flight' option. I know this from experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent.

    The impact knocked me out cold.
    When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me.
    Now there are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the kitchen floor butt naked in front of a group of 'been-there, done-that' paramedics.
    Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while trying to suppress their hysterical laughter......and not succeeding.
    Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it back in to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me about my head injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about, which it was.
    'What's the matter?' They all asked, 'Cat got your tongue?'
    If they only knew!
    Why is it that only the women laugh at this?
    Hope your week is better than his!

  2. Funny S**t   -   #2
    sumvell's Avatar Poster
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Too long . but nice.
    The early bird gets the worm. But the 2nd mouse gets the cheese.

  3. Funny S**t   -   #3
    Aaxel21's Avatar AHHHHH!
    Join Date
    Nov 2007

    That is the funniest thing I have read in a long time.
    Remember bullets always have the right of way.

  4. Funny S**t   -   #4
    Yinon's Avatar Pointless line BT Rep: +1
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Planet Teegeeack
    funny incident
    A invite is highly welcomed (:

  5. Funny S**t   -   #5
    bornwithnoname's Avatar Bit Master BT Rep: +1
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    I will stuff my cat down the disposal if he tries that

    I'll be more enthusiastic about encouraging thinking outside the box when there's evidence of any thinking going on inside it. (Terry Prattchet)

  6. Funny S**t   -   #6


    Quote Originally Posted by bornwithnoname View Post
    I will stuff my cat down the disposal if he tries that
    Hell don't be so hard on the kitty. He don't know the difference in your balls or the xmas balls on the xmas tree.

  7. Funny S**t   -   #7
    titofat's Avatar The Dark BT Rep: +100BT Rep +100BT Rep +100BT Rep +100BT Rep +100BT Rep +100BT Rep +100BT Rep +100BT Rep +100BT Rep +100BT Rep +100BT Rep +100BT Rep +100BT Rep +100BT Rep +100BT Rep +100BT Rep +100BT Rep +100BT Rep +100BT Rep +100
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    Apr 2007

  8. Funny S**t   -   #8
    thebazzla's Avatar 'The Steelmen' BT Rep: +8BT Rep +8
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    Nov 2006
    sunny blackpool
    ouch painful

  9. Funny S**t   -   #9
    sleepyy's Avatar Old-Fashioned BT Rep: +10BT Rep +10
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    Oct 2007
    Very funny if you find anymore please post them.

  10. Funny S**t   -   #10
    RoSsoNeRI's Avatar LoUiS VuiTtoN DoN BT Rep: +100BT Rep +100BT Rep +100BT Rep +100BT Rep +100BT Rep +100BT Rep +100BT Rep +100BT Rep +100BT Rep +100BT Rep +100BT Rep +100BT Rep +100BT Rep +100BT Rep +100BT Rep +100BT Rep +100BT Rep +100BT Rep +100BT Rep +100
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