It is highly abnormal to consider suicide, go to the hospital ER if you ever consider this. If you are joking, come out and say so.
As for your story, assuming it is true, I find nothing to be guilty over. Simple minded kid doing it because it was fun. No big deal.
Now that you have a functioning unit, you must now be responsible. You are just a baby, don't get your girlfriend pregnant and don't get married.
You seem to be infected with someone elses guilt.
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