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Thread: Questions For Daddy

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2003
    On a slightly lighter note, I found this on another board and though it was worth sharing.

    Q: Daddy, why did we have to attack Iraq?
    A: Because they had weapons of mass destruction.
    Q: But the inspectors didn't find any weapons of mass destruction.
    A: That's because the Iraqis were hiding them.
    Q: And that's why we invaded Iraq?
    A: Yep. Invasions always work better than inspections.
    Q: But after we invaded them, we STILL didn't find any weapons of mass
    destruction, did we?
    A: That's because the weapons are so well hidden. Don't worry, we'll find
    something, probably right before the 2004 election.
    Q: Why did Iraq want all those weapons of mass destruction?
    A: To use them in a war, silly.
    Q: I'm confused. If they had all those weapons that they planned to use
    in a war, then why didn't they use any of those weapons when we went to war with them?
    A: Well, obviously they didn't want anyone to know they had those
    weapons so they chose to die by the thou! sands rather than defend themselves.
    Q: That doesn't make sense. Why would they choose to die if they had all
    those big weapons with which they could have fought back?
    A: It's a different culture. It's not supposed to make sense.
    Q: I don't know about you, but I don't think they had any of those
    weapons our government said they did.
    A: Well, you know, it doesn't matter whether or not they had those
    weapons. We had another good reason to invade them anyway.
    Q: And what was that?
    A: Even if Iraq didn't have weapons of mass destruction, Saddam Hussein
    was a cruel dictator, which is another good reason to invade another country.
    Q: Why? What does a cruel dictator do that makes it OK to invade his
    A: Well, for one thing, he tortured his own people.
    Q: Kind of like what they do in China?
    A: Don't go comparing China to Iraq. China is a good economic competitor, where millions of people work for slave wages in sweatshops to make U.S. corporations richer.
    Q: So if a country lets its people be exploited for American corporate
    gain, it's a good country, even if that country tortures people?
    A: Right.
    Q: Why were people in Iraq being tortured?
    A: For political crimes, mostly, like criticizing the government. People
    who criticized the government in Iraq were sent to prison and tortured.
    Q: Isn't that exactly what happens in China?
    A: I told you, China is different.
    Q: What's the difference between China and Iraq?
    A: Well, for one thing, Iraq was ruled by the Ba'ath party, while China
    is Communist.
    Q: Didn't you once tell me Communists were bad?
    A: No, just Cuban Communists are bad.
    Q: How are the Cuban Communists bad?
    A: Well, for one thing, people who criticize the government in Cuba are
    sent to prison and tortured.
    Q: Like in Iraq?
    A: Exactly.
    Q: And like in China, too?
    A: I told you, China's a good economic competitor. Cuba, on the other
    hand, is not.
    Q: How come Cuba isn't a good economic competitor?
    A: Well, you see, back in the early 1960s, our government passed some
    laws that made it illegal for Americans to trade or do any business with Cuba until they stopped being Communists and started being capitalists like us.
    Q: But if we got rid of those laws, opened up trade with Cuba, and
    started doing business with them, wouldn't that help the Cubans become
    A: Don't be a smart-ass.
    Q: I didn't think I was being one.
    A: Well, anyway, they also don't have freedom of religion in Cuba.
    Q: Kind of like China and the Falun Gong movement?
    A: I told you, stop saying bad things about China. Anyway, Saddam Hussein came to power through a military coup, so he's not really a legitimate leader anyway.
    Q: What's a military coup?
    A: That's when a military general takes over the government of a country
    by force, instead of holding free elections like we do in the United States.
    Q: Didn't the ruler of Pakistan come to power by a military coup?
    A: You mean General Pervez Musharraf? Uh, yeah, he did, but Pakistan is
    our friend.
    Q: Why is Pakistan our friend if their leader is illegitimate?
    A: I never said Pervez Musharraf was illegitimate.
    Q: Didn't you just say a military general who comes to power by forcibly
    overthrowing the legitimate government of a nation is an illegitimate
    A: Only Saddam Hussein. Pervez Musharraf is our friend, because he helped us invade Afghanistan.
    Q: Why did we invade Afghanistan?
    A: Because of what they did to us on September 11th.
    Q: What did Afghanistan do to us on September 11th?
    A: Well, on September 11th, nineteen men ? fifteen of them Saudi Arabians hijacked four airplanes and flew three of them into buildings, killing over 3,000 Americans.
    Q: So how did Afghanistan figure into all that?
    A: Afghanistan was where those bad men trained, under the oppressive rule of the Taliban.
    Q: Aren't the Taliban those bad radical Islamics who chopped off people's
    heads and hands?
    A: Yes, that's exactly who they were. Not only did they chop off people's
    heads and hands, but they oppressed women, too.
    Q: Didn't the Bush administration give the Taliban 43 million dollars
    back in May of 2001?
    A: Yes, but that money was a reward because they did such a good job
    fighting drugs.
    Q: Fighting drugs?
    A: Yes, the Taliban were very helpful in stopping people from growing
    opium poppies.
    Q: How did they do such a good job?
    A: Simple. If people were caught growing opium poppies, the Taliban would have their hands and heads cut off.
    Q: So, when the Taliban cut off people's heads and hands for growing
    flowers, that was OK, but not if they cut people's heads and hands off
    for other reasons?
    A: Yes. It's OK with us if radical Islamic fundamentalists cut off
    people's hands for growing flowers, but it's cruel if they cut off people's hands for stealing bread.
    Q: Don't they also cut off people's hands and heads in Saudi Arabia?
    A: That's different. Afghanistan was ruled by a tyrannical patriarchy
    that oppressed women and forced them to wear burqas whenever they were in public, with death by stoning as the penalty for women who did not comply.
    Q: Don't Saudi women have to wear burqas in public, too?
    A: No, Saudi women merely wear a traditional Islamic body covering.
    Q: What's the difference?
    A: The traditional Islamic covering worn by Saudi women is a modest yet
    fashionable garment that covers all of a woman's body except for her eyes
    and fingers. The burqa, on the other hand, is an evil tool of patriarchal
    oppression that covers all of a woman's body except for her eyes and
    Q: It sounds like the same thing with a different name.
    A: Now, don't go comparing Afghanistan and Saudi Arabia. The Saudis are
    our friends.
    Q: But I thought you said 15 of the 19 hijackers on September 11th were
    from Saudi Arabia.
    A: Yes, but they trained in Afghanistan.
    Q: Who trained them?
    A: A very bad man named Osama bin Laden.
    Q: Was he from Afghanistan?
    A: Uh, no, he was from Saudi Arabia too. But he was a bad man, a very bad man.
    Q: I seem to recall he was our friend once.
    A: Only when we helped him and the mujahadeen repel the Soviet invasion
    of Afghanistan back in the 1980s.
    Q: Who are the Soviets? Was that the Evil Communist Empire Ronald Reagan talked about?
    A: There are no more Soviets. The Soviet Union broke up in 1990 or
    thereabouts, and now they have elections and capitalism like us. We call
    them Russians now.
    Q: So the Soviets ? I mean, the Russians ? are now our friends?
    A: Well, not really. You see, they were our friends for many years after
    they stopped being Soviets, but then they decided not to support our
    invasion of Iraq, so we're mad at them now. We're also mad at the French
    and the Germans because they didn't help us invade Iraq either.
    Q: So the French and Germans are evil, too?
    A: Not exactly evil, but just bad enough that we had to rename French
    fries and French toast to Freedom Fries and Freedom Toast.
    Q: Do we always rename foods whenever another country doesn't do what we want them to do?
    A: No, we just do that to our friends. Our enemies, we invade.
    Q: But wasn't Iraq one of our friends back in the 1980s?
    A: Well, yeah. For a while.
    Q: Was Saddam Hussein ruler of Iraq back then?
    A: Yes, but at the time he was fighting against Iran, which made him our
    friend, temporarily.
    Q: Why did that make him our friend?
    A: Because at that time, Iran was our enemy.
    Q: Isn't that when he gassed the Kurds?
    A: Yeah, but since he was fighting against Iran at the time, we looked
    the other way, to show him we were his friend.
    Q: So anyone who fights against one of our enemies automatically becomes our friend?
    A: Most of the time, yes.
    Q: And anyone who fights against one of our friends is automatically an
    A: Sometimes that's true, too. However, if American corporations can
    profit by selling weapons to both sides at the same time, all the better.
    Q: Why?
    A: Because war is good for the economy, which means war is good for
    Also, since God is on America's side, anyone who opposes war is a godless
    unAmerican Communist. Do you understand now why we attacked Iraq?
    Q: I think so. We attacked them because God wanted us to, right?
    A: Yes.
    Q: But how did we know God wanted us to attack Iraq?
    A: Well, you see, God personally speaks to George W. Bush and tells him
    what to do.
    Q: So basically, what you're saying is that we attacked Iraq because
    George W. Bush hears voices in his head?
    A. Yes! You finally understand how the world works. Now close your eyes,
    make yourself comfortable, and go to sleep. Good night.

  2. The Drawing Room   -   #2
    All to True.

  3. The Drawing Room   -   #3
    Barbarossa's Avatar mostly harmless
    Join Date
    Jun 2002
    Over here!
    I can't help imagining that this is an actual recording of a conversation between George Bush Senior and George Bush Junior...

  4. The Drawing Room   -   #4
    Rat Faced's Avatar Broken
    Join Date
    Aug 2002
    Originally posted by junkyardking@5 August 2003 - 05:14
    All to True.
    What he said....

    An It Harm None, Do What You Will

  5. The Drawing Room   -   #5
    Illuminati's Avatar Simple Bystander BT Rep: +7BT Rep +7
    Join Date
    May 2003
    2008 European Capital of Culture
    Usually, anything contraversial or shocking yet makes a point usually shocks me a lot at the revelation.

    This was the same thing but didn't even raise an eyebrow...

  6. The Drawing Room   -   #6
    Black and White, I would like you to meet my friend, Gray.
    Aren't we in the trust tree, thingey?

  7. The Drawing Room   -   #7
    What's really sad is how easy it is to find people that would agree whole-heartedly with that daddy persona.

  8. The Drawing Room   -   #8
    j2k4's Avatar en(un)lightened
    Join Date
    Nov 2002
    Oh, please...
    Originally posted by hobbes@5 August 2003 - 15:14
    Black and White, I would like you to meet my friend, Gray.
    .....and his acquaintances light gray, dark gray, and battleship gray.
    “Think about how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of 'em are stupider than that.” -George Carlin


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