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Thread: Threat of death and expulsion for stealing a bit of bread

  1. #1
    A student has received death threats and faces possible expulsion for stealing a cracker and "holding it hostage". Sounds a bit batshit insane i know, but a priest had waved his hands at it a bit and said a few words at it, so it was a proper special bit of cracker.

    Regardless of the reason, the Diocese says its main concern is to get the Eucharist [cracker] back so it can be taken care of properly and with respect. Cook has been keeping the Eucharist stored in a plastic bag since last Sunday.

    "It is hurtful," said Father Migeul Gonzalez with the Diocese. "Imagine if they kidnapped somebody and you make a plea for that individual to please return that loved one to the family."
    Don't open spoiler if offended by pictures of mohammed or jesus. For context some/many catholics believe the cracker is the actual body of christ
    Spoiler: Show

  2. The Drawing Room   -   #2
    bigboab's Avatar Poster BT Rep: +1
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    Maybe it was a Chist Mass cracker.
    The best way to keep a secret:- Tell everyone not to tell anyone.

  3. The Drawing Room   -   #3
    Squeamous's Avatar Poster
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    The cracker doesn't become the body of Christ until you swallow it.

    I know, I can't believe I said that in all seriousness either .

  4. The Drawing Room   -   #4
    bigboab's Avatar Poster BT Rep: +1
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    Someone please tell me this whole thing is a joke. If you take the biscuit uneaten out of the church and preserve it you are possibly going to be expelled from school.

    If you eat it and turn it into shit and flush it down the drain, that is OK.
    The best way to keep a secret:- Tell everyone not to tell anyone.

  5. The Drawing Room   -   #5
    apparently the cracker can be used for satanic / black magic purposes so this incident is super serious. Fortunately we can all breathe easy as it has been returned and an armed guard (I kid you not) has been put on patrol outside the church during mass to prevent any reoccurrance.

    Or is the cracker really safe? There is speculation that the returned cracker is an elaborate fake, tests have proved inconclusive as jesus apparently tastes very much like a normal cracker.

  6. The Drawing Room   -   #6
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    I half expected to end up at The Onion after clicking that.

    Amazing.

  7. The Drawing Room   -   #7
    thewizeard's Avatar re-member BT Rep: +1
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    Quote Originally Posted by Squeamous View Post
    The cracker doesn't become the body of Christ until you swallow it.

    I know, I can't believe I said that in all seriousness either .
    So you are suggesting Catholics are virtual cannibals

  8. The Drawing Room   -   #8
    j2k4's Avatar en(un)lightened
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    Quote Originally Posted by thewizeard View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Squeamous View Post
    The cracker doesn't become the body of Christ until you swallow it.

    I know, I can't believe I said that in all seriousness either .
    So you are suggesting Catholics are virtual cannibals
    Soylent Green is PEOPLE!!!
    “Think about how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of 'em are stupider than that.” -George Carlin

  9. The Drawing Room   -   #9
    lynx's Avatar .
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    Quote Originally Posted by j2k4 View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by thewizeard View Post

    So you are suggesting Catholics are virtual cannibals
    Soylent Green is PEOPLE!!!
    And wasted on most.
    .
    Political correctness is based on the principle that it's possible to pick up a turd by the clean end.

  10. The Drawing Room   -   #10
    j2k4's Avatar en(un)lightened
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    Quote Originally Posted by lynx View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by j2k4 View Post

    Soylent Green is PEOPLE!!!
    And wasted on most.


    Just so...
    “Think about how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of 'em are stupider than that.” -George Carlin

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