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Thread: Most Of You Have Prolly Read This

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    113 Ways to Annoy People

    1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
    2. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
    3. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."
    4. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
    5. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen.
    6. Speak only in a "robot" voice.
    7. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
    8. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".
    9. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17-inch paper, 99 copies.
    10. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
    11. Sniffle incessantly.
    12. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
    13. Name your dog "Dog".
    14. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up".
    15. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
    16. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training".
    17. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".
    18. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot".
    19. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.
    20. Practice making fax and modem noises.
    21. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and copy them to your boss.
    22. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
    23. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
    24. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person".
    25. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophecy."
    26. Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.
    27. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
    28. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
    29. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
    30. Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.
    31. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
    32. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way".
    33. Drum on every available surface.
    34. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
    35. Ask 800 operators for dates.
    36. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copy warnings.
    37. Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.
    38. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
    39. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
    40. Set alarms for random times.
    41. Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavor off.
    42. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
    43. Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.
    44. Leave your Nine Inch Nails tape in Great Uncle Ed's stereo, with the volume properly adjusted.
    45. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
    46. Honk and wave to strangers.
    47. Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange.
    48. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
    49. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.
    50. Wear your pants backwards.
    51. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complementary mints by the cash register.
    52. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
    53. Rouse your roommates from slumber each morning with Lou Reed's "Metal Machine Music".
    54. Leave someone's printer in compressed-italic-cyrillic-landscape mode.
    56. only type in lowercase.
    57. dont use any punctuation either
    68. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
    59. Pay for your dinner with pennies.
    60. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
    61. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
    62. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.
    63. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ OJ Simpson conspiracy theories.
    64. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
    65. Light road flares on a birthday cake.
    66. Wander around the restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
    67. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
    68. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador".
    69. Leave two squares of toilet paper on the roll when you're done.
    70. At the Laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
    71. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.
    72. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One".
    73. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
    74. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
    75. Finish the 99 bottles of beer song.
    76. Sing the "This is the song that never ends..." song. (Ya know, Lamb Chops?)
    77. Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
    78. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up", and repeat.
    79. Drive half a block.
    80. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
    81. Ask people what gender they are.
    82. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
    83. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray.
    84. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern Drawl.
    85. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".
    86. Make appointments for the 31st of September.
    87. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies' "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
    88. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
    89. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
    90. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
    91. Change your name to John Aaaaasmith for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each A.
    92 Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
    93. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
    94. Wear a LOT of cologne.
    95. Ask to "interface" with someone.
    96. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing".
    97. Sing along at the opera.
    98. Mow your lawn with scissors.
    99. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batatatatatata-suhWING-batter!"
    100. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend".
    101. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
    102. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles".
    103. Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as "sticky wicket isn't cricket."
    104. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture".
    105. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
    106. Scuff your feet on a dry, shaggy carpet and seek out victims.
    107. Never make eye contact.
    108. Never break eye contact.
    109. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
    110. Construct your own pretend "tricorder", and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.
    111. Send fifty copies of this list to everyone you know.


    1. At dinner, guard your plate with fork and steak knife, so as to give the impression that you'll stab anyone, including the waiter, who reaches for it.

    2. Collect the salt shakers from all of the tables in the restaurant, and balance them in a tower on your table.

    3. Wipe your nose on your date's sleeve. Twice.

    4. Make funny faces at other patrons, then sneer at their reactions.

    5. Repeat every third third word you say say.

    6. Give your claim to fame as being voted "Most Festerous" for your high school yearbook.

    7. Read a newspaper or book during the meal. Ignore your date.

    8. Stare at your date's neck, and grind your teeth audibly.

    9. Twitch spastically. If asked about it, pretend you don't know what they are talking about.

    10. Stand up every five minutes, circle your table with your arms outstretched, and make airplane sounds.

    11. Order a bucket of lard.

    12. Ask for crayons to color the placemat. This works very well in fancier venues that use linen tablecloths.

    13. Howl and whistle at womens' legs, especially if you are female.

    14. Recite your dating history. Improvise. Include pets.

    15. Pull out a harmonica and play blues songs when your date begins talking about themselves.

    16. Sacrifice french fries to the great deity, Pomme.

    17. When ordering, inquire whether the restaurant has any live food.

    18. Without asking, eat off your date's plate. Eat more from their plate than they do.

    19. Drool.

    20. Chew with your mouth open, talk with your mouth full and spray crumbs.

    21. Eat everything on your plate within 30 seconds of it being placed in front of you.

    22. Excuse yourself to use the restroom. Go back to the head waiter/hostess and ask for another table in a different part of the restaurant. Order another meal. When your date finally finds you, ask him/her "What in the hell took you so long in the restroom?!?"

    23. Recite graphic limericks to the people at the table next to you.

    24. Ask the people at the neighboring table for food from their plates.

    25. Beg your date to tattoo your name on their derriere. Keep bringing the subject up.

    26. Ask your date how much money they have with them.

    27. Order for your date. Order something nasty.

    28. Communicate in mime the entire evening.

    29. Upon entering the restaurant, ask for a seat away from the windows, where you have a good view of all exits, and where you can keep your back to the wall. Act nervous.

    30. Lick your plate. Offer to lick theirs.

    31. Hum. Loudly. In monotone.

    32. Fill your pockets with sugar packets, as well as salt and pepper shakers, silverware, floral arrangements... i.e anything on the table that isn't bolted down.

    33. Hold a debate. Take both sides.

    34. Auction your date off for silverware.

    35. Slide under the table. Take your plate with you.

    36. Order a baked potato for a side dish. When the waiter brings your food, hide the potato, wait a few minutes, and ask the waiter for the potato you "never got". When the waiter returns with another potato for you, have the first one back up on the plat e. Repeat later in the meal.

    37. Get your date drunk. Talk about their philosophy. Get it on tape, and use good judgement in editing to twist their words around.

    38. Discuss boils and lesions, as if from personal experience.

    39. Speak in pig latin throughout the meal (Or ubber-dubber language, or just nonsense).

    40. Take a break, and go into the restroom. When you return to the table, throw a spare pair of underwear on the back of one of the chairs. Insist that they just need airing out.

    41. If they are paying, order the most expensive thing on the menu. Take one bite.

    42. Bring 20 or so candles you, and during the meal get up and arrange them around the table in a circle. Chant.

    43. Save the bones from your meal, and explain that you're taking them home to your invalid, senile old mother, because it's a lot cheaper than actually feeding her.

    44. Order your food by colors and textures. Sculpt.

    45. Take a thermos along, and hide it under the table. Order coffee, and fill the thermos one cup at a time, taking advantage of the free refills.

    46. Insist that the waiter cuts your food into little pieces. In a similar vein, insist that he take a bite of everything on the plate, to make sure no one poisoned it.

    47. Accuse your date of espionage.

    48. Make odd allusions to dangerous religious cults.

    49. Don't use any verbs during the entire meal.
    50. Pass the hat in the restaurant. Use the proceeds (if any) to pay the bill.

    51. Break wind loudly. Add color commentary. Bow.

    52. Feed imaginary friends, or toy dolls you've brought along.

    53. Bring a bucket along. Explain that you frequently get ill.

    50 Ways to Confuse, Worry, or Just Scare People in a Computer Lab

    1. Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream "Oh my God! They've found me!" and bolt.

    2. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.

    3. When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on duty that you can't get the damn thing to work.
    After he/she's turned it on, wait 5 minutes, turn it off again, & repeat the process for a good half hour.

    4. Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to you evilly.

    5. Before anyone else is in the lab, connect each computer to a different screen than the one it's set up with.

    6. Write a program that plays the "Smurfs" theme song and play it at the highest volume possible over & over again.

    7. Work normally for a while. Suddenly look amazingly startled by something on the screen and crawl underneath
    the desk.

    8. Ask the person next to you if they know how to tap into top-secret Pentagon files.

    9. Use Interactive Send to make passes at people you don't know.

    10. Make a small ritual sacrifice to the computer before you turn it on.

    11. Bring a chainsaw, but don't use it. If anyone asks why you have it, say "Just in case..." mysteriously.

    12. Type on VAX for a while. Suddenly start cursing for 3 minutes at everything bad about your life. Then stop and continue typing.

    13. Enter the lab, undress, and start staring at other people as if they're crazy while typing.

    14. Light candles in a pentagram around your terminal before starting.

    15. Ask around for a spare disk. Offer $2. Keep asking until someone agrees. Then, pull a disk out of your fly and say, "Oops, I forgot."

    16. Every time you press Return and there is processing time required, pray "Ohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease," and scream "YES!" when it finishes.

    17. "DISK FIGHT!!!"

    18. Start making out with the person at the terminal next to you (It helps if you know them, but this is also a great way to make new friends).

    19. Put a straw in your mouth and put your hands in your pockets. Type by hitting the keys with the straw.

    20. If you're sitting in a swivel chair, spin around singing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" whenever there is processing time required.

    21. Draw a pictue of a woman (or man) on a piece of paper, tape it to your monitor. Try to seduce it. Act like it hates you and then complain loudly that women (men) are worthless.

    22. Try to stick a Ninetendo cartridge into the 3 1/2 disk drive. When it doesn't work, get the supervisor.

    23. When you are on an IBM, and when you turn it on, ask loudly where the smiling Apple face is.

    24. Print out the complete works of Shakespeare, then when its all done (two days later) say that all you wanted was one line.

    25. Sit and stare at the screen, biting your nails noisily. After doing this for a while, spit them out at the feet of the person next to you.

    26. Stare at the screen, grind your teeth, stop, look at the person next to you, grinding. Repeat procedure, making sure you never provoke the person enough to let them blow up, as this releases tension, and it is far more effective to let them linger.

    27. If you have long hair, take a typing break, look for split ends, cut them and deposit them on your neighbor's keyboard as you leave.

    28. Put a large, gold-framed portrait of the British Royal Family on your desk and loudly proclaim that it inspires you.

    29. Come to the lab wearing several layers of socks. Remove shoes and place them of top of the monitor. Remove socks layer by layer and drape them around the monitor. Exclaim sudden haiku about the aesthetic beauty of cotton on plastic.

    30. Take the keyboard and sit under the computer. Type up your paper like this. Then go to the lab supervisor and complain about the bad working conditions.

    31. Laugh hysterically, shout "You will all perish in flames!!!" and continue working.

    32. Bring some dry ice & make it look like your computer is smoking.

    33. Assign a musical note to every key (ie. the Delete key is A Flat, the B key is F sharp, etc.). Whenever you hit a key, hum its note loudly. Write an entire paper this way.

    34. Attempt to eat your computer's mouse.

    35. Borrow someone else's keyboard by reaching over, saying "Excuse me, mind if I borrow this for a sec?", unplugging the keyboard & taking it.

    36. Bring in a bunch of magnets and have fun.

    37. When doing calculations, pull out an abacus and say that sometimes the old ways are best.

    38. Play Pong for hours on the most powerful computer in the lab.

    39. Make a loud noise of hitting the same key over and over again until you see that your neighbor is noticing (You can hit the space bar so your fill isn't affected). Then look at your neighbor's keyboard. Hit his/her delete key several times, erasing an entire word. While you do this, ask: "Does *your* delete key work?" Shake your head, and resume hitting the space bar on your keyboard. Keep doing this until you've deleted about a page of your neighbor's document. Then, suddenly exclaim: "Well, whaddya know? I've been hitting the space bar this whole time. No wonder it wasn't deleting! Ha!" Print out your document and leave.

    40. Remove your disk from the drive and hide it. Go to the lab monitor and complain that your computer ate your disk. (For special effects, put some Elmer's Glue on or around the disk drive. Claim that the computer is drooling.)

    41. Stare at the person's next to yours screen, look really puzzled, burst out laughing, and say "You did that?" loudly. Keep laughing, grab your stuff and leave, howling as you go.

    42. Point at the screen. Chant in a made up language while making elaborate hand gestures for a minute or two. Press return or the mouse, then leap back and yell "COVEEEEERRRRRR!" peek up from under the table, walk back to the computer and say. "Oh, good. It worked this time," and calmly start to type again.

    43. Keep looking at invisible bugs and trying to swat them.

    44. See who's online. Send a total stranger a talk request. Talk to them like you've known them all your lives. Hangup before they get a chance to figure out you're a total stranger.

    45. Bring a small tape player with a tape of really absurd sound effects. Pretend it's the computer and look really lost.

    46. Pull out a pencil. Start writing on the screen. Complain that the lead doesn't work.

    47. Come into the computer lab wearing several endangered species of flowers in your hair. Smile incessantly. Type a sentence, then laugh happily, exclaim "You're such a marvel!!", and kiss the screen. Repeat this after every sentence. As your ecstasy mounts, also hug the keyboard. Finally, hug your neighbor, then the computer assistant, and walk out.

    48. Run into the computer lab, shout "Armageddon is here!!!!!", then calmly sit down and begin to type.

    49. Quietly walk into the computer lab with a Black and Decker chainsaw, rev that baby up, and then walk up to the nearest person and say, "Give me that computer or you'll be feeding my pet crocodile for the next week".

    50. Two words: Tesla Coil.

    Things to do in an elevator

    1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.

    2. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your Kleenex to other passengers.

    3. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"

    4. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.

    5. Sell Girl Scout cookies.

    6. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.

    7. Shave.

    8. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"

    9. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside- down.

    10. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

    11. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open
    by themselves.

    12. Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!"

    13. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.

    14. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.

    15. Do Tai Chi exercises.

    16. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"

    17. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!"

    18. Give religious tracts to each passenger.

    19. Meow occasionally.

    20. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.

    21. Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"

    22. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.

    23. Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons.

    24. Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.

    25. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.

    26. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.

    27. Leave a box between the doors.

    28. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.

    29. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.

    30. Start a sing-along.

    31. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask, "is that your beeper?"

    32. Play the harmonica.

    33. Shadow box.

    34. Say "Ding!" at each floor.

    35. Lean against the button panel.

    36. Say, "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.

    37. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.

    38. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."

    39. Bring a chair along.

    40. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: "Wanna see wha in muh mouf?"

    41. Blow spit bubbles.

    42. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.

    43. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."

    44. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.

    45. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

    46. Stare at your thumb and say, "I think it's getting larger."

    Things you DON'T Want to Hear in Surgery

    Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.
    Someone call the janitor - we're going to need a mop.
    "Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness"
    Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad Dog!
    Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?
    Hand me that....uh....that uh....thingie.
    Oh no! I just lost my Rolex.
    Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?
    Darn, there go the lights again...
    "Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Heck, the guy's got two of 'em.
    Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!
    Could you stop that thing from beating? It's throwing my concentration off..
    What's this doing here?
    I hate it when they're missing stuff in here..
    That's cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?!
    I wish I hadn't forgotten my glasses.
    Well folks, this will be an experiment for us all.
    Sterile, shcmerile. The floor's clean, right?
    Anyone see where I left that scalpel?
    And now we remove the subject's brain and place it in the body of the ape. OK, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature.
    This patient has already had some kids, am I correct?
    Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?
    Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough.
    What do you mean "You want a divorce"!
    She's gonna blow! Everybody take cover!!!
    FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out now!!
    Darn! Page 47 of the manual is missing!


    1)Why do you park in a driveway and drive in a parkway?

    2) Why do you have a hot-water heater when you don't need to heat hot water?

    3) Why is an orange an orange and an apple not a red?

    4) Why is a pear called a pear when there is only one?

    5) What do they pack Styrofoam in?

    6) Why did God give men nipples?

    7) If buttered toast always lands butter-side up, and a cat always lands on its feet. What would happen if you tied a
    piece of buttered toast on the back of a cat?

    8) Is grass really greener on the other side?

    9) Do boxer shorts box?

    10) Why do you wear a pair of panties and only one bra?

    11) If Corn Oil comes from Corn, what does Baby Oil come from?

    12) If nothing sticks to Teflon, how do you get Teflon to stick to a pan?

    13) Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?

    14) Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

    15) Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

    16) Why are there floatation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

    17) Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

    18) Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?

    19) Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

    20) How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work?

    21) If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?

    22) If a cow laughs, does milk come out its nose?

    23) If you are driving at the speed of light and you turn on you headlights, what happens?

    24) You know how most packages say "Open here." What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else?"

    25) Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?

    26) Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship its called cargo?

    27) You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?

    28) Why is it that when you are driving and looking for an address, you turn the radio down?

    29) Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

    30) Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

    31) What does Geranimo say when he jumps out of a plane?

    32) If fire fighters fight fire, and crime fighters fight crime, what do freedom fighters fight?

    33) Why ask why? Try Bud dry. Then again, if Bud's made from water, how can it be dry?

    34) Why is there a Permanent Press setting on an iron if it does not work?

    35) Why is keyboard called a keyboard if it only has little buttons?

    36) Do you think the Assassination Museum was created after JFK's assassination?

    37) If pot grows naturally, and we outlaw pot (nature), are we outlawing God?

    38) Does miniature golf enhance a drug trip?

    39) When an elevator is illegally overloaded with passengers, who is criminally responsible?

    40) Why do Cornflakes and Sugar Frosted Flakes have the same number of calories per serving?
    41) How do they unclog mail chutes in skyscrapers?

    42) Why are US elections held on Tuesdays?

    43) Why do women wear such uncomfortable shoes?

    44) Which fruits are in Juicy Fruit gum?

    45) Does your chewing gum lose its flavor on the bed post overnight?

    46) Why can't you find fresh sardines in a fish market?

    47) Why aren't there seatbelts in buses and taxicabs?

    48) Why does rootbeer taste flatter than any other colas?

    49) Why do other people hear our voices different than we do?

    50) If trailer parks didn't exist, would tornadoes exist?

    51) Where do they get that awful music for ice-skating?

    52) Why does X stand for a kiss?

    53) Why does O stand for a hug?

    54) Why is saffron so expensive?

    55) What is the purpose of the red string on Band-Aid brand adhesive packages?

    56) Why did Nabisco eliminate the red string on the wrappers of its Saltine two and four packs?

    57) Why do Wintergreen Life Savers sparkle in the dark?

    58) What's the funny beep on the radio just before the network news?

    59) Why do we itch?

    60) Why do the minute hands on school clocks always click backward before advancing?

    61) What causes holes in Swiss cheese?

    62) How was the order of the alphabet determined?

    63) Why don't penguins in the Antarctic ever get frostbite?

    64) Why do we tie shoes on the back of newlyweds' cars?

    65) How does Kraft get the five ounces into every slice of American Singles?

    66) Why don't we get goosebumps on our faces?

    67) What is the purpose of the little ball on top of the flagpole?

    68) Why is Jack a nickname for John?

    69) Why do Curad bandages sparkle when you open them?

    70) Why do your feet swell on an airplane?

    71) Why do doughnuts have holes?

    72) How do they get the cream in the Twinkie?

    73) Why do some ranchers put old boots on fenceposts?

    74) Why do bananas grow upward and all other fruits grow downward?

    75) Do toilet seats really protect us against anything?

    76) Why do men's bicycles have crossbars?

    77) Why are most homes white?

    78) Why do old women dye their hair blue?

    79) Why do old men wear their pants higher than younger men?

    80) Why are cows milked from the right side?

    81) Why are the toilet flush handles on the left side?

    82) Why does a soda taste better in a small bottle than in a large bottle or can?

    83) Why do firehouses have Dalmatians?

    84) Why is 40% called 80 proof?

    85) Why does unscented hairspray smell?

    86) Why can't we make newspapers that don't smudge?

    87) Why do we have to DRY clean raincoats?

    88) Why do you often see a shoe lying on the side of the street?

    89) Why are there more brown M&M's than any other color?

    90) Why is yawning contagious?

    91) Where do swear words come from?

    92) Why are movie theaters always so cold?

    93) Why is everything in Texas so big?

    94) Why are school buses painted yellow?

    95) Where does the lost sock in the washers and dryers go?

    96) Why are jeans so hard to fit into?

    97) Why is a black light not black?

    98) Why does glass eventually get thicker towards the bottom?

    99) If taught, do gorillas really understand sign language?

    100) Why do brown eyes see better in the sun than blue eyes?

    101) Why do scars never go away?

    102) Who killed JFK?

    103) How does the Cheshire cat only show his smile?

    104) Why don't we get dizzy from the world spinning so fast?

    105) Why is it called a Caesar's salad, did he invent it?

    106) How many licks does it really take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?

    107) Who really took a bite out of the Apple logo?

    108) How can your Grandfather have walked uphill both ways through 32 feet of snow butt naked?

    109) Why is it called football when you really don't use your feet at all?

    110) How does one actually zip their lip?

    111) Can your face actually freeze while making ugly faces?

  2. Funny S**t   -   #2
    Things You Might Not Have Known
    Money isn't made out of paper. It's made out of cotton.
    The 57 on the Heinz ketchup bottle represents the number of varieties of
    pickle the company once had.

    A rat can last longer without water than a camel.

    Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks or it
    will digest itself.

    The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp paper.

    The dot over the letter "i" is called a tittle.

    A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down
    continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.

    Susan Lucci is the daughter of Phyllis Diller.

    A female ferret will die if it goes into heat and cannot find a mate.

    A duck's quack doesn't echo. No one knows why.

    A 2 X 4 is really 1-1/2 by 3-1/2.

    40% of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.

    Every person has a unique eye & tongue print.

    The "spot" on the 7-Up comes from its inventor who had red eyes. He was an

    315 entries in Webster's 1996 dictionary were misspelled.
    During the chariot scene in "Ben Hur", a small red car can be seen in the distance.

    On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily.!

    John Wilkes Booth's brother once saved the life of Abraham Lincoln's son.

    Warren Beatty and Shirley McLaine are brother and sister.

    Chocolate kills dogs. Chocolate affects a dog's heart and nervous system.
    A few ounces is enough to kill a small sized dog.

    Daniel Boone detested coonskin caps.

    Playing cards were issued to British pilots in WWII. If captured, they
    could be soaked in water and unfolded to reveal a map for escape.

    Most lipstick contains fish scales.

    Orcas (killer whales) kill sharks by torpedo-ing up into the shark's
    stomach from underneath, causing the shark to explode.

    Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants.

    Dr. Seuss is actually pronounced Seuss such that it sounds like Sue-ice.

    Ketchup was sold in the 1830s as medicine.

    During the California gold rush of 1849, miners sent their laundry to
    Honolulu for washing and pressing. Due to the extremely high costs in
    California during these boom years, it was deemed more feasible to send their
    shirts to Hawaii for servicing.

    American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each
    salad served in First Class.

    Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were
    made of wood.

    The number of possible ways of playing the first four moves per side in a
    game of chess is 318,979,564,000.

    Upper and lower case letters are named "upper" and "lower" because in the time when all original print had to be set in individual letters, the upper case letters were stored in the case on top of the case that stored the lower case letters.

    There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos.

    There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with orange, purple and silver.

    The numbers "172" can be found on the back of the US 5 dollar bill, in the
    bushes at the base of the Lincoln Memorial.

    The name Wendy was made up for the book Peter Pan. There was never a
    recorded Wendy before.

    The very first bomb dropped by the Allies on Berlin in World War II killed
    the only elephant in the Berlin Zoo.

    There are 4 cars and 11 lightposts on the back on the US 10 dollar bill.

    Leonardo Da Vinci invented scissors. It also took him 10 years to paint
    Mona Lisa's lips.

    If one places a tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion, it will instantly go
    mad and sting itself to death.

    Bruce Lee was so fast that they actually had to s-l-o-w film down so you
    could see his moves. That's the opposite of the norm.

    If you have 3 quarters, 4 dimes and 4 pennies, you'd have $1.19. You would
    also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar.

    The first CD pressed in the US was Bruce Springsteen's "Born in the USA".

    The mask used by Michael Myers in the original "Halloween" was actually a
    Captain Kirk mask painted white.

    The original name for butterfly was flutterby.

    The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law which stated
    that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.

    The first product Motorola started to develop was a record player for
    automobiles. At that time, the most known player on the market was Victrola,
    so they called themselves Motorola.

    Roses may be red, but violets are indeed violet.

    By raising your legs slowly and laying on your back, you cannot sink into

    Casey Kasem is the voice of Shaggy on Scooby Doo.

    Celery has negative calories. It takes more calories to eat a piece of
    celery than the celery has in it to begin with.

    Charlie Chaplin once won third prize in a Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest.

    In Gulliver's Travels, Jonathan Swift described the two moons of Mars, Phobos and Deimos, giving their exact size and speeds of rotation. He did this more than 100 years before either moon was discovered.

    Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying.

    Sherlock Holmes NEVER said "Elementary, my dear Watson".

    An old law in Bellingham, Washington, made it illegal for a woman to take
    more than 3 steps backwards while dancing.

    Sharon Stone was the first Star Search spokesmodel.

    The glue on Israeli postage is certified kosher.

    The Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most
    often stolen from Public Libraries.

    Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space because
    passing wind in a spacesuit damages them.

    Back in the mid to late 80s, an IBM compatible computer wasn't considered
    100% compatible unless it could run Microsoft's Flight Simulator.

    Bats always turn left when exiting a cave!! >>

  3. Funny S**t   -   #3
    Rip The Jacker's Avatar Retired
    Join Date
    Nov 2002
    Los Angeles, CA
    I read some of it, way too long man. But some were pretty funny.

  4. Funny S**t   -   #4
    ya its like a freakin book


  5. Funny S**t   -   #5

  6. Funny S**t   -   #6
    neattairoski Posted on 9 September 2003 - 01:24
    I read it all
    I have homework


  7. Funny S**t   -   #7
    i read it all too
    do i get a prize or something?

    seriously though, a lot of that was damn funny

    only seen a few before
    <span style='font-size:14pt;line-height:100%'>BLAH</span>

    <span style='font-size:14pt;line-height:100%'>Wayne Rooney - A thug and a thief</span>

  8. Funny S**t   -   #8
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    94) Why are school buses painted yellow? -- They painted it yellow since there are barely any yellow cars and would be more noticable, and it wasnt hunters orange.

    98) Why does glass eventually get thicker towards the bottom?
    Some people set them down too hard and they broke, so they made it thicker so it wouldnt break?

  9. Funny S**t   -   #9
    Originally posted by Acecool@9 September 2003 - 14:19
    98) Why does glass eventually get thicker towards the bottom?
    Some people set them down too hard and they broke, so they made it thicker so it wouldnt break?
    there are a few theories that glasses are actually extremely viscous liquids
    no conclusive proof though
    <span style='font-size:14pt;line-height:100%'>BLAH</span>

    <span style='font-size:14pt;line-height:100%'>Wayne Rooney - A thug and a thief</span>

  10. Funny S**t   -   #10
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    Wouldnt count, wine glasses etc...

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