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Thread: Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

  1. #1
    GEORGE W. BUSH
    We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here.

    AL GORE
    I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken crossing the road represented the application of these two different functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring
    greater services to the American people.

    PAT BUCHANAN
    To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.

    MARTHA STEWART
    No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the farmer's market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

    JERRY FALWELL
    Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's what they call it -- the other side. Yes, my friends, that Chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side."

    ERNEST HEMINGWAY
    To die. In the rain. Alone.

    MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
    I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

    GRANDPA
    In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

    JOHN LENNON
    Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.

    ARISTOTLE
    It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

    KARL MARX
    It was a historical inevitability.

    SADDAM HUSSEIN
    This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

    VOLTAIRE
    I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend to the death its right to do it.

    RONALD REAGAN
    What chicken?

    CAPTAIN KIRK
    To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

    FOX MULDER
    You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?

    SIGMUND FREUD
    The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

    BILL GATES
    I have just released eChicken 2003, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook - and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

    ALBERT EINSTEIN
    Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?

    BILL CLINTON
    I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please?

    THE BIBLE
    And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

    COLONEL SANDERS
    I missed one?

  2. Lounge   -   #2
    Gemby!'s Avatar Poster
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    considering i only knew who half of those people were i thought that was dead funny!!
    Single handedly destroying the NHS from the inside

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    Snee's Avatar Error xɐʇuʎs BT Rep: +1
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    You need to read more, gemby

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    funny list


    proud to be american

  5. Lounge   -   #5
    CBS-TV's Andy Rooney
    I could have said "Didja ever wonder why it is that the chicken crossed the road, and which road it was?" But I didn't. I did ask some turkeys, however, and this is what they said...

    President William Jefferson Clinton
    That depends on how yuh define "road".

    COBOL Programmers
    0001-CHICKEN-CROSSING.
    IF NO-MORE-VEHICLES THEN
    PERFORM 0010-CROSS-THE-ROAD
    VARYING STEPS FROM 1 BY 1 UNTIL
    ON-THE-OTHER-SIDE
    ELSE
    GO TO 0001-CHICKEN-CROSSING

    Hillary Rodham Clinton
    I don't bake cookies; I don't cook chicken. I am not a crook -- er, I am not a cook.

    James Carville
    Because the mean-spirited Republican majority in congress was going to cook the chicken and leave only the sun-bleached bones picked bare for the American people that they'd throw out in the street, Larry!

    Ayn Rand
    A chicken's first duty is to itself. And only by living for itself is it able to achieve the things which are the glory of chickenkind. Such is the nature of achievement.

    A Typical Politically Correct Person
    Don't blame the chicken! Society is to blame. The chicken did cross the road, but he or she was merely a victim of this racist, bigoted, sexist society. We are all to blame, for failing to provide... [blah, blah, blah -- ad nauseam]

    The Channel 7 (WSVN, Miami) News Team
    In a story you will see only on WSVN, a young homeless chicken crosses the road in Citron Beach for the very first time... The orphaned chicken is hit by a speeding car and is thrown sky high... Authorities are still trying to pick up the pieces. At the family's request, the chicken's remains will be used to make chicken soup for the orphaned chicks...
    This just in... Is OJ's golf game getting worse, now that he's in the custody battle of his life?

    Tom Leykis
    I cannot bee-LEEVE that women are SO shocked to hear that the reason the chicken crossed the road is because the rooster was trying to get into her pants!

    Rush Limbaugh
    It was having more fun than a chicken should be allowed to have, listening to the Rush Limbaugh program on the EIB network and reveling in its righteousness!

    Gilligan and the Skipper
    The traffic started getting rough; the chicken had to cross. If not for the plumage of its peerless tail the chicken would be lost, the chicken would be lost.

    Deanna Troi
    It was experiencing -- GREAT PAIN -- TORMENT!

    George Bush
    Read my chicken lips. To face a kinder, gentler thousand points of headlights.

    Kurt Vonnegut
    And so it goes -- to the other side.

    H. Ross Perot
    No, no, it's not about me, Larry. It's about the chicken.

    Robert Frost
    To cross the road less traveled by.

    Jean Chretien
    OK, for me, de chicken, 'e crossed de road because 'is team was der, and because 'e 'ad de plan.

    Bob Dole
    Bob Dole says "To get to the other side."

    Sigmund Freud
    The chicken obviously was female and obviously interpreted the pole on which the cross walk sign was mounted as a phallic symbol of which she was envious, selbstverstaendlich.

    Bill Gates
    We own the road. We own the chicken. It's none of your damn business.

    Western New York Retailers
    To see the hens in Hens & Kelly's window.

    Omar Khayam
    The moving chicken fingers write, and having writ, move on.

    Moses
    Know ye that it is unclean to eat the chicken that has crossed the road, and that the chicken that crosseth the road doth so for its own preservation.

    Sir Isaac Newton
    Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest. Chickens in motion tend to cross the road.

    Plato
    For the greater good.

    Pierre de Fermat
    I just don't have room here to give the full explanation...

    Karl Marx
    It was a historical inevitability.

    Chico Marx
    Why a duck? Why-a-no chicken?

    Groucho Marx
    You try to cross over there a chicken, and you'll find out why-a-no chicken. It's deep water, that's viaduct.

    WWNN's Adam Clatsoff
    If you had been hatched where the chicken was hatched, and had been raised where the chicken was raised, and eaten the same chicken feed that the chicken had eaten, you probably would have crossed the road, too.

    WFTL's Dante DeAngelis
    Now let me get this straight. You're saying a chicken crossed the road, and now YOU'RE asking ME, "WHY?"

    Machiavelli
    So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained.

    Hippocrates
    Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas.

    Captain James T. Kirk
    To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

    Mr. Spock
    It seemed like the logical thing to do at the time.

    Colonel Harlan Sanders
    It wasn't one of our chickens. They don't have to, because now KFC delivers!

    Jacques Derrida
    Any number of contending discourses may be discovered within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and each interpretation is equally valid as the authorial intent can never be discerned, because structuralism is DEAD, DAMMIT, DEAD!

    Noam Chomsky
    The chicken didn't exactly cross the road. As of 1994, something like 99.8% of all US chickens reaching maturity that year, had spent 82% of their lives in confinement. The living conditions in most chicken coops break every international law ever written, and some, particularly the ones for chickens bound for slaughter, border on inhumane. My point is, they had no chance to cross the road (unless you count the ride to the supermarket). Even if one or two have crossed roads for whatever reason, most never get a chance. Of course, this is not what we are told. Instead, we see chickens happily dancing around on Sesame Street and Foster Farms commercials where chickens are not only crossing roads, but driving trucks (incidentally, Foster Farms is owned by the same people who own the Foster Freeze chain, a subsidiary of the dairy industry). Anyway, ... (Chomsky continues for 32 pages. For the full text of his answer, contact Odonian Press)
    Don Goldie Biography and Vinyl Discography

    Al Bundy
    It was married... With children!

    Marcy Jefferson
    Why do you keep calling me a chicken?

    Kelly Bundy
    How do you spell chicken?

    Thomas de Torquemada
    Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.

    Timothy Leary
    Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.

    Walter Cronkite
    That's the way it is.

    Nietzsche
    Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.

    Oliver North
    National Security was at stake.

    B.F. Skinner
    Because the external influences which had pervaded its sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own free will.

    Carl Jung
    The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.

    Jean-Paul Sartre
    In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.

    Ludwig Wittgenstein
    The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the objects "chicken" and "road," and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.

    Albert Einstein
    Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

    Aristotle
    To actualize its potential.

    Buddha
    If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.

    Howard Cosell
    It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurence.

    Salvador Dali
    The Fish.

    Monty Python
    The Larch.

    Douglas Adams
    Forty-two.

    Marcel Marceau


    Darwin
    It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.

    Emily Dickinson
    Because it could not stop for death.

    Epicurus
    For fun.

    Ralph Waldo Emerson
    It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.

    Johann Friedrich von Goethe
    The eternal hen-principle made it do it.

    Ernest Hemingway
    To die. In the rain.

    Craig Crossman, host of Computer America
    To lay hundreds, even thousands, of eggs.

    Werner Heisenberg
    We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.

    David Hume
    Out of custom and habit.

    Saddam Hussein
    This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

    Jack Nicholson
    'Cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored) reason.

    Pyrrho the Skeptic
    What road?

    President Ronald Reagan
    Ask Mommy. I forget.

    John Sununu
    The Air Force was only too happy to provide the transportation, so quite understandably the chicken availed himself of the opportunity.

    The Sphinx
    You tell me.

    Henry David Thoreau
    To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of life.

    Senator Edward Moore "Teddy" Kennedy
    I panicked.

    Katherine McKinnon
    Because, in this patriarchial state, for the last four centuries, men have applied their principles of justice in determining how chickens should be cared for, their language has demeaned the identity of the chicken, their technonogy and trucks have decided how and where chickens will be distributed, their science has become the basis for what chickens eat, their sense of humor has provided the framework for this joke, their art and film have given us our perception of chicken life, their lust for flesh has has made the chicken the most consumned animal in the US, and their legal system has left the chicken with no other recourse.

    Stephen Jay Gould
    It is possible that there is a sociobiological explanation for it, but we have been deluged in recent years with sociobiological stories despite the fact that we have little direct evidence about the genetics of behavior, and we do not know how to obtain it for the specific behaviors that figure most prominently in sociobiological speculation.

    Joseph Stalin
    I don't care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my omlette.

    Malcolm X
    It was coming home to roost.

    Louis Farrakkan
    It wasn't one chicken, you lying white devils! It was TEN MILLION chickens!

    Dr. Emmett Brown
    Road? Where we're going we don't need roads!

    Mark Twain
    The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.

  6. Lounge   -   #6
    Rat Faced's Avatar Broken
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    Douglas Adams
    Forty-two.

    Marcel Marceau



    An It Harm None, Do What You Will

  7. Lounge   -   #7
    sArA's Avatar Ex-Moderatererer
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    Ha ha ha......

    Of course....all replies to the question 'why did the chicken cross the road?' are inevitably incorrect. The only 'person' who knows the answer is the chicken.

    Now...we could hope to eventually learn chicken speak and therefore communicate with chickens who are spotted crossing roads.

    Of course, the unfortunate problem, as pointed out by Chomsky is that the chances of actually seeing a chicken crossing the road, whilst having already learnt the chicken language must mean that whoever undertakes the research needs to be very lucky. (we cannot set the experiment up quantitatively as we cannot discover the nuance of motivation in this way)

    Also....It may be that it is established that the chicken is the only one who can answer the question...the possibility that it may cross the road for subconscious motives means that the only way to really answer the question is to read its mind, presuming one was spotted actually crossing a road at the right time.

  8. Lounge   -   #8
    Originally posted by sara5564@14 September 2003 - 23:42
    Ha ha ha......

    Of course....all replies to the question 'why did the chicken cross the road?' are inevitably incorrect.  The only 'person' who knows the answer is the chicken.

    Now...we could hope to eventually learn chicken speak and therefore communicate with chickens who are spotted crossing roads. 

    Of course, the unfortunate problem, as pointed out by Chomsky is that the chances of actually seeing a chicken crossing the road, whilst having already learnt the chicken language must mean that whoever undertakes the research needs to be very lucky. (we cannot set the experiment up quantitatively as we cannot discover the nuance of motivation in this way)

    Also....It may be that it is established that the chicken is the only one who can answer the question...the possibility that it may cross the road for subconscious motives means that the only way to really answer the question is to read its mind, presuming one was spotted actually crossing a road at the right time.
    very good points, yet i haven't been able to find the Alien Community's rep to hear their assessment on the matter. hmmmm

  9. Lounge   -   #9
    sArA's Avatar Ex-Moderatererer
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    Isn't JPaul a mad Vulcan???

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