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Thread: Palatable Communion.

  1. #1
    chalice's Avatar ____________________
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    My eight year old daughter is a bit of a mentalist. Searingly bright and mannered, but socially somewhat polar. She can demolish a room with a sideways glance.

    Anyways, despite my impotent atheist protestations, she is due to make her First Holy Communion next Saturday, as is the subscribed dogma adhered thereupon by her school. Notwithstanding some inappropriate behaviour in the chapel by my godless offspring (she gets bored and starts flidding out), decorum gets shattered, next thing you know, you've got a prepubescent reformation on your hands.

    What I'm really worried about is...she is an incredibly fussy eater. No semblance of vegetable matter will enter her digestive system knowlingly to her. I can envisage that first ingestion of the body of Christ being met with a throat spasm and being forceably ejected across the altar, like.

    In this, I know exactly how she feels. Growing up, in corporate Catholicism, these manufactured hosts were the only communion I encountered. And they were fucking rank to the max. It was driven into our heads that the host shouldn't be chewed, like. You had to swallow the fucking tasteless paper-like mulch whole. Well, that always made me fucking retch.

    Why can't the transubstantiated host be a donut? Or a burger bun. Or a bit of tattie-bread? Or a sammich?
    Last edited by chalice; 04-17-2009 at 07:53 PM.

  2. Lounge   -   #2
    Alien5's Avatar μετά BT Rep: +6BT Rep +6
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    I Don't believe in God, never have, I think its a big Con, Ive been to churches and things, nice architecture, stonework and all that shit, its a real shame weve lost a lot of those skilled crafts people who could carve that shit out of a fuck off piece of rock. meditation on its own is nice, but i can do that without the help of old people in a cold church on a sunday, fuck that.

    The only thing i would want from god is afterlife, but until i see some proof im afraid im not going to waste my time in my real life on such ridiculous fairy tales.
    Last edited by Alien5; 04-17-2009 at 08:11 PM.

  3. Lounge   -   #3
    The Flying Cow's Avatar windowlicker BT Rep: +10BT Rep +10
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    Quote Originally Posted by chalice View Post
    My eight year old daughter is a bit of a mentalist. Searingly bright and mannered, but socially somewhat polar. She can demolish a room with a sideways glance.

    Anyways, despite my impotent atheist protestations, she is due to make her First Holy Communion next Saturday, as is the subscribed dogma adhered thereupon by her school. Notwithstanding some inappropriate behaviour in the chapel by my godless offspring (she gets bored and starts flidding out), decorum gets shattered, next thing you know, you've got a prepubescent reformation on your hands.

    What I'm really worried about is...she is an incredibly fussy eater. No semblance of vegetable matter will enter her digestive system knowlingly to her. I can envisage that first ingestion of the body of Christ being met with a throat spasm and being forceably ejected across the altar, like.

    In this, I know exactly how she feels. Growing up, in corporate Catholicism, these manufactured hosts were the only communion I encountered. And they were fucking rank to the max. It was driven into our heads that the host shouldn't be chewed, like. You had to swallow the fucking tasteless paper-like mulch whole. Well, that always made me fucking retch.

    Why can't the transubstantiated host be a donut? Or a burger bun. Or a bit of tattie-bread? Or a sammich?
    I guess it's as good a question as any. TO be frank I've always munched the host down without any shame. It doesn't change anything as far as I can see. These more ridiculous "norms" you speak of are really only for the more radical types.

    I believe it was Dane Cook who suggested a Christ Checks breakfast cereal.

    Good on your daughter btw.

  4. Lounge   -   #4
    Skweeky's Avatar Manker's web totty
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    I always found the big ones to be tastier. They're sweeter.

    I do believe in God, but I don't believe in religion as such. I think I have mentioned this before. My husband was raised protestant and I was raised catholic. Served as an altar girl and I used to go to church at least once a week up until I was about 16.
    At that point I decided that I would no longer attend church because the ideas they have are in no way linear with my own ideas of what or who God is.

    I believe you can have faith without having to conform to dogma or rule, applied by an organisation too rich and powerful for its own good.

    For that very reason I won't have my son christened, nor will I take him to church or send him to a catholic school. You don't need a set of rules and a building to believe or to pray.

    I believe, though, that faith is a very personal thing and each should experience it as he or she wants without pushing other people into it.

  5. Lounge   -   #5
    Alien5's Avatar μετά BT Rep: +6BT Rep +6
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    Ive never understood the need for faith or church until i went to my first church wedding and to a funeral.

    It was nice to sit and remember the person while wondering what life is about.
    Last edited by Alien5; 04-17-2009 at 08:32 PM.

  6. Lounge   -   #6
    Skweeky's Avatar Manker's web totty
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    Well, it's a good location for it, but not necessary. I'm sure it would be just a nice if you did on a nice meadow, or on a beach. It's more about the sense of community than the actual place you are at.

  7. Lounge   -   #7
    chalice's Avatar ____________________
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alien5 View Post
    Ive never understood the need for faith or church until i went to my first church wedding and to a funeral.

    It was nice to sit and remember the person while wondering what life is about.
    Jesus fucksing wank the dogs Christ, Allen.

    Stop bringing us all down, you wanky cunt, you.

  8. Lounge   -   #8
    100%'s Avatar ╚════╩═╬════╝
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    Chalice i said this before, I plead you to write a short story or a non-novel. Your word algorithms some how teach, insult and sweat juicy testicle grape tears.
    Start with the this one - The Immaculate Transubstantiated Host vs My Cuisine.
    (wtf - spell check found an error)

    You show understanding, yet she might learn something about getting one over symbolic dried chip for breakfast. Starve her.
    Will there be wine?

    In boarding school we had to go to church before breakfast. Harsh

    The process tries* to focus on the "spiritual", which is a good thing when compared to the branding and materialism enforced on us nowadays.

  9. Lounge   -   #9
    Alien5's Avatar μετά BT Rep: +6BT Rep +6
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    I can't not think about Death and Marriage when i see a church, is it just me?

  10. Lounge   -   #10
    IdolEyes787's Avatar Persona non grata
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    The artifice of the Church is that it allowed those who would otherwise have been impotent to have power.
    I'm not anti-God just anti-Church.I have quit enough people telling me what to do without adding some pasty faced eunuch to the mix.

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