Last one to post wins the internets

[chalice]

Thanks for that, Skweeks.

I was almost approaching happiness cos it's Friday night and I'm a gonna get pished.

Think I might gouge out one of my eyeballs and squash it in a garlic crusher now.

I thought it was a lovely, touching story.

Yeah, well, the profound difference between your heart-warming story and mine was that nobody got cancer in mine.

[Skweeky]

I've been wondering, when you get whopped, do you at all stare at the USB lava lamp I sent you? Cause that's why I sent it like.

[chalice]

It's a tad distracting, like, I'll admit.

When I put it on when the kids are awake, it's like Children Of The Fucking Corn or something else.

It's not the floaty light shit that distracts me, it's the fact that it's shaped like a lambent phallus.

Quite disturbing actually.

[Skweeky]

Hmmm, have you felt any urge to try and sit on it?

[chalice]

Yes. Yes I have.

[Skweeky]

Maybe you should have a chat with mulder about this...

[chalice]

And what about you?

Have you felt the need to fit my somewhat thick book up your arse?

Cos that's why I sent it, like.

[Skweeky]

No, no I can't say I have. Although I have been sleeping with it ever since it arrived.

[chalice]

You've clearly got a philistine hun budding in your womb.

I blame Gem.

[Skweeky]

Me too, to be honest. And I won't let it happen again.