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Thread: A Purposeful Poem

  1. #1
    ForbiddenDNA's Avatar Poster
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    The world is pointless..
    Confusion and distraction..
    The world is pointless..
    Desparation and thirstiness..
    The world is pointless..
    Seek your creator

    You've thought..
    Possess love would fulfil satisfaction..
    You've thought..
    Possess prosperity would fulfil satisfaction..
    You've thought..
    Seek advice from your creator

    Why..
    Greediness and malevolence are present..
    Why..
    Jealousness and prevarication are present..
    Why..
    Seek for perfection

    Presently..
    Perfection are provides..
    Presently..
    Judment are provides..
    Presently..
    Prepare for your creator

  2. Lounge   -   #2
    j2k4's Avatar en(un)lightened
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    Hmmmm......

    First, I'd whip a little spellcheck on it; but that's just me, I'm picky about spelling, downright finicky, in fact.

    Can't get past it to read with the proper set, so to speak.

    Not trying to be sarcastic, seriously.

    I'll check back-


    Actually, hold up a sec.

    An example of a quick but drastic improvement:

    "Greediness"> "Greed"

    "jealousness"> "Jealousy"

    Now, say it-see how it rolls off the tongue?

    We'll look at content later, OK?
    “Think about how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of 'em are stupider than that.” -George Carlin

  3. Lounge   -   #3
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    I think it needs a line or two about football.



  4. Lounge   -   #4
    j2k4's Avatar en(un)lightened
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    Originally posted by Billy_Dean@23 October 2003 - 01:17
    I think it needs a line or two about football.


    First things first, Billy.
    “Think about how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of 'em are stupider than that.” -George Carlin

  5. Lounge   -   #5
    MagicNakor's Avatar On the Peripheral
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    The second and fourth verses, while in English, don't seem to make any coherent sense.

    things are quiet until hitler decides he'd like to invade russia
    so, he does
    the russians are like "OMG WTF D00DZ, STOP TKING"
    and the germans are still like "omg ph34r n00bz"
    the russians fall back, all the way to moscow
    and then they all begin h4xing, which brings on the russian winter
    the germans are like "wtf, h4x"
    -- WW2 for the l33t

  6. Lounge   -   #6
    bigboab's Avatar Poster BT Rep: +1
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    Originally posted by Billy_Dean@23 October 2003 - 06:17
    I think it needs a line or two about football.


    Goal line, eighteen yard line, six yard line. Aestheticism knows no bounds.
    The best way to keep a secret:- Tell everyone not to tell anyone.

  7. Lounge   -   #7
    j2k4's Avatar en(un)lightened
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    Originally posted by MagicNakor@23 October 2003 - 03:52
    The second and fourth verses, while in English, don't seem to make any coherent sense.

    I'm afraid I must agree.

    I even gave them time to sink in; their bouyancy does not lend, ultimately, to edification.
    “Think about how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of 'em are stupider than that.” -George Carlin

  8. Lounge   -   #8
    MagicNakor's Avatar On the Peripheral
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    Maybe it's a Zen thing.

    things are quiet until hitler decides he'd like to invade russia
    so, he does
    the russians are like "OMG WTF D00DZ, STOP TKING"
    and the germans are still like "omg ph34r n00bz"
    the russians fall back, all the way to moscow
    and then they all begin h4xing, which brings on the russian winter
    the germans are like "wtf, h4x"
    -- WW2 for the l33t

  9. Lounge   -   #9
    sparsely's Avatar °¤°¤°¤°¤°¤°¤°
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    a poetry thread?

    I'm fluent in randomosity...

    this post is guaranteed 100% parrot-free

  10. Lounge   -   #10
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    I assume it was written by a piece of software. Which didn't really understand the meaning of the words (even the fabricated ones) which it used.

    It had no concept of rhyme, or rhythm. As for meter, that is obviously a unit of measurement. (It fails the scansion test).

    It had all the elegance of a decent spreadsheet. Though none of the functionality.

    In short, if you wish it to write poetry in English it is vital that you teach it English first.

    If you feel so inclined, please let us know when you have the first beta version and we can have another look.

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