Daily Jokes

[hjsq]

A woman says to her doctor "Kiss me doctor!"
"Certainly not" replies the doctor.
"Oh please, just one kiss" said the lady.
"It's just not possibly, i cant" the physician states.
"Oh c'mon, i'm begging you" she implores.
"Look i have taken oaths, i just cant, it's unprofessional..." Explains the doc "..as a matter of fact, i shouldnt even be fucking you!"

[Murlok]

Girl 1- My Boyfriend is buying
flowers again, Now I have to
spend the whole afternoon on
my back with legs in the air. Girl
2- You dont have a vase ??

[cliffwill88]

hahahah!! that was hilarious!

[Brotherhood]

As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at the Traffic Warden's funeral, a voice from inside screams,
"I'm not dead, I'm not dead, let me out."
to which the smiling Vicar says "too late pal, the paperwork's already been done"

[bigboab]

The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history.

Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death'?"

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Little Hodaiki a bright foreign
exchange student from Japan, who had his hand up: 'Patrick Henry, 1775', he
said.

'Very good!'

Who said, 'Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall
not perish from the Earth?'

Again, no response except from Little Hodaiki: 'Abraham Lincoln, 1863'.

'Excellent!' said the teacher continuing, 'let's try one a bit more
difficult...'

Who said, 'Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for
your country?'

Once again, Hodaiki's was the only hand in the air and he said:

'John F. Kennedy, 1961'.

The teacher snapped at the class, 'Class, you should be ashamed of
yourselves, Little Hodaiki isn't from this country and he knows more about
our history than you do.'

She heard a loud whisper: 'Fcuk the Japs,'

'Who said that? I want to know right now!' she angrily demanded.

Little Hodaiki put his hand up, 'General MacArthur, 1945.'

At that point, a student in the back said, 'I'm gonna puke.'

The teacher glared around and asks, 'All right! Now who said that!?'

Again, Little Hodaiki said, 'George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister,
1991.'

Now furious, another student yelled, 'Oh yeah? Suck this!'

Little Hodaiki jumped out of his chair waving his hand and shouted to the
teacher, 'Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!'

The teacher fainted.

As the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, 'Oh
shit, We're screwed!'

Little Hodaiki said quietly, ‘Ally McCoist, 2012.'

[mjmacky]

I was with you until the final punchline.

[NationalLampoo]

Thanks. This topic made my day :-)

[Sakina]

hi ,Im new here,here is my joke
Man walks into a Doctor's surgery with a strawberry on his head.
The Doctor says "I will give you some cream for that".

[harry4200]

Two old men were sitting in the yard outside the care home one day when Tim turned to the other and said "John I'm really feeling my age today I just hurt all over, how are you feeling?
John replied "I feel just like a new born babe"
Tim looked at him startled "A New Born babe really?"
"Yep, I have no hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants."

[megabyteme]

A woman & her son were riding in a taxi. A bunch of prostitutes were standing at a bus stop.
Boy: Mom, what are these women doing here?
Mom: They are waiting for their husbands.
Taxi driver: Why don’t you tell him the truth, that they are hookers & have sex with men for money.
Boy: Is that true Mom?
Mom: (Glaring hard at the driver) YES.
Kid asks: Mom, what happens to the babies these women have?
Mom: They become taxi drivers!!!